Cheetaking243's Official Hormone Trial!

[foxytaur (imported)]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jqCo-McgHLw& ... qCo-McgHLw

NB = Now you know why the french get to live so long.

But since im reluctant to consume very low caloric meals by comparison to the french I rely on very powerful antioxidants(both lipid and water soluble), omega 3's and multivitamins in combination with a "decent" extremely LOW GI food portions inorder to simulate the french approach towards caloric restriction.

Sure I miss chips, pop and crud i use to eat when i was 17 but I think the results are worth it.

Its not too late to reverse free radicals and an effort to minimize the damage is better than none.Remember simple carbs and processed food increase testosterone production to very very high levels

Im not counting as this to be my miraculous ticket off from T > DHT production however it buys some time.

NB = Are there animmals that eat very few calories like the french?

Certainly!!!, the sloth for example is an very inactive and lazy animmal but it eats only what it needs and survives for decades.

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

see if I were transforming im expecting emotional swings however id dress up all punk initially, bad girly femboi attitude till the changes keep on occuring. Slowly replace whatever wardrobe you got with feminine clothing.

As much as I wish I could just have that punkish "I don't care what anyone thinks" attitude, I'm discovering more and more that this isn't me. I do care. I always have. To the point that I've never really done anything that I myself want, because I'm so terrified of offending others. I'm a complete push-over. I never stand up for myself, I just smile and nod. This DIY HRT is the FIRST thing like this that I have EVER done in my entire life. And maybe that's why I feel so miserable today. I want to be accepted, and want to be seen as normal, so until I can look in the mirror and actually see someone who's actually able to pass as a girl, I'll probably still be too terrified to dress as my true gender in public. (God, it feels so terrible to say something like that. But you know, that really is how my mind thinks.) I'm such a coward. I wish I could be more like you, and be willing to adjust my public appearance to something more desirable step by step, rather than shrinking away into the corner all the time, but I just have zero confidence in that regard.

Sigh... I'm going to bed. I need to go cry some more. I just hope that things will be better tomorrow, and I'll actually have the courage to buy some feminine clothes while I'm at Goodwill rather than just taking one look at them and throwing them down in disgust because I don't look good in them. (This has happened many times before, and is the reason why I STILL own only a singe female outfit, in the form of a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and I pretty much never cross-dress. Even though I feel SO good in them, and I REALLY wish I could wear them in public, all that I see when I look in the mirror is a freak.)

(Man, these emotional lows suck... your brain just does not shut up, and just keeps finding more and more things to feel sad and hopeless about.)

[foxytaur (imported)]

cheetaking im no way perfect. I have way too many temper tandrums. Im far from stable and im trying to keepcalm bc stress is a major life force eater.

Im so happy for you that your starting your hrt therapy.

I cant yet

1. I dont have a stable career yet

2. I have no family to turn to. (havent seen them in 5 yrs despite one of them living in same city. She talks and pays lip service, thats it. You call that a sister!!!!!)

3. I'm slower to educate than the avg joe out there.very smart but ADHD is a bummer but im dealing with it.

4. I live in winterpeg. Oh boy!!!!!......wouldn't it be great to get kicked out of the house in the middle of -50 deg C + wndchill. >>>>>>>>Yeah frostbite temps!!! And what if your homeless!!!!!!(I cant come out to my mom, too dangerous)

5. I have a hard time studying + mantaining a partime job.

6. I have to watch my sister get in on all the action while i sit around at home without cash and watch her partying while im a helpless FOB at home

Plz cheetaking, your in a much better economic independence than I. I admire that. I've got a long way to stray away from "garfield cat syndrome"

I feel emabarrased being nearly 25 now (march 11th is my bday) yet im no where near finishing my milestones.

I watch how everybody else on Facebook is having a great time and all I can do is daydream how wonderful my life will be one day. I just hope it wont be too late for me.

Im tired of foreshadowing my life.

I don't want my life to become a self fulfilling prophesy of negativism.

I'm honestly trying my very best to steer away from that

[butcherbaby (imported)]

I don't get why you don't go on anti-androgens at least!? Nobody will notice a thing if you are careful. It's not like you will grow monster tits instantly and a dayle regimen of spiro isn't that expensive. Just be sure to get on estrogen after a few months because of osteoporosis.

[foxytaur (imported)]

im working on it kk, honestly, im trying to find a part time job without it affecting my school life. part of it is my really poor initiative and other is proper time management and fear id do poorly with my courses.

courses i take are tough as balls and the drop out rate is incredibly high.

i dont know how some students can take 7 courses per term . i relly dont get it.

atm take 3 but they arent easy and worth a huge chunk of credits

Thanks for advice anyways butcherbaby.

the best i can do is find a small weekend job , ill try subway, so i can be able to talk to a therapist at least. anti androgens will have to wait a few months before my graduation.

dear god im gonna cry when i graduate. I hate the school A-F grading system.

Last courses were ok except I found myself incredibly angry with the overall way how schools seem to rate your capability.

With competition so high grades are a must to be hired. ATM my GPA is 2.85 which is fair but not good enough despite myability to really excel at 3.4ish - 3.5 gpa wise.

(Im fixing two 9 credit hr courses kk)

My advanced calculus 2 course for example I came in with a 85% midterm exam but droped to C+ final grade bc the final exam was only and i repeat only 7 long questions!!!!!

It leaves no room for error but my anger comes from fact that the system berates your overall capacity as a good sudent.

meanwhile someone else could show no lack of knowledge and still pull through with a B or B+ purely by memorizing.

I choose technical college over university bc of the hands on learning I recieve.

Trades I also highly approve.

But a 100% theoretical learning environment isnt for me.

I dont know where these students get the idea that university is the place to go first and that everything else is a stupid choice and wont get you a job.

Why are the highschools teaching kids that tech colleges and trades are inferior to universities.

I see the statistics and lots of students university wise arent being hired.

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getting back to my digital logic and statistics courses. the final exams were longer and there was room for error.

pulling a B+ or A was relatively simple.

I hate courses where i know what im doing, I can pull through but choke on finals due to the very nature of exams.

ritalin + krill oil have helped stimulate my mind to focus better but even then im still just as susceptible to the random variability of exam weight.

[foxytaur (imported)]

I cant butcher baby , and cannot take a risk where I know theres more to loose than gain.

Im naturally a very calculative and systematic person to deal with.

I evaluate all ny problems on a bellcurve and choose the path of best fit.

Spontaneous decisions would screw me over especially bc of my nature. I could show you an example on youtube f this gorgeous lady who transitioned and ended up getting really screwed bc of her spontaneous decision to change now rather than come up with a solid concrete plan.

If you dont like it, its too bad but naturally im not a very good risk taker.

Im depressed yes but would be especially even more depressed and psychotic living by myself without a tech diploma, without a stable career, without good food and a shelter(nothing fancy).

I have to go with what im good at and stick to it.

As for bodily changes based on what many have described from my posted pics, I stand a good chance at transitioning but I am aware of the changed T can impose on a person. I ain't fully developed yet but im doing all I can at my disposal with the current tools I have.

If need be I may need FFS to be able to fix myself from those horrid facial bone changes.

My method has and always has been for the time being to control cellular senescense and so far its working. I will introduce anti androgens towards my final school months.

I was very well aware of bone loss issues with not being on either T or E.

I didnt spend 2 yrs in university taking biochemistry without a reason.

Belive it or not my plan is to get an electronics technologist engineer diploma > fix my life go back to school and take medicine

I stand a better chance in the medical field as a medical technologist asistant operating those expensive MRI and lab equipment then I do simply becoming a general practioner or surgeon.

Do you honestly think ill spend 11-14 yrs of my life in medschool?

especially with my problems at home and overall gender dysphoria?

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE TRIAL LOG, DAY

SIXTEEN:

Well, this was definitely an interesting day.

Over the past few days, I had been suspecting that my T levels were finally dropping off and E was taking over. But now I'm not so sure anymore. After last night's emotional explosion, I woke up this morning and was honestly just feeling completely burned out... not feminine at all, and just wanted to be left alone so that I could recover physically and mentally. And suddenly, in the midst of that, I got the slightest little hint of my pre-trial sexual frustration back. And when I finally orgasmed, there really wasn't much of a change from last week in regards to how it looked. So apparently my hormone levels still aren't completely leveled off. My guy parts are still producing sperm, albeit in much smaller amounts than before, erections are still working just as well as last week, and I'm still feeling a little bit of sexual frustration off and on, maybe once a week or so now. So now I'm pretty sure that I still have a ways to go before finally reaching normal female levels of T. (The estrogen is definitely becoming dominant, though, because my skin texture changes have progressed even further. Now EVERYTHING feels soft, from my head all the way down to my feet. And I LOVE it!) But nonetheless, I suspect that 2 weeks on androcur and finasteride has still not completely eliminated my body's T levels. This morning made it readi

ly apparent that it's still there.

Again, my endocrine system is putting up one hell of a fight.

That was th

e morning. Once that was over with, and

the afternoon started, suddenly I was right back to feeling feminine and extremely happy. I felt so terrible about my emotional explosion last night, and had a HUGE apology session with Jenny. Then I went shopping at Goodwill for some feminine clothes, and for the first time ever, I actually finally bought something. I tried on like 8 different pairs of jeans, and was actually really shocked at how good my lower body is starting to look in the more feminine ones. I ended up buying a nice tight-fitting pair of bootcut jeans that really made my legs and my butt look nice. And then I actually did try on a skirt. And I was shocked at how good my smooth legs looked under it. They looked REALLY feminine. (It wasn't the tan pleated skirt that I was hoping to find, rather a purple one with an elastic waistband, but hey, it's a start at least.) And in these female clothes, I didn't just look like a masculine

version of myself trying on women's cl

othes and just getting depressed because of how uncute I look. This was the first time that I wore them and my lower body actually looked good in them! YAY!!! So now I am finally, after years of wanting to, the proud owner of a skirt and a pair of women's jeans. My upper body, on the other hand, still has a LONG way to go before it will start looking good with those clothes. The closest I could get to feminine there was a pink polo shirt (which I also bought... that color really looks nice with my skin tone and hair color.) But despite the issues I still have with my neck and shoulders and arms, I was really excited that my lower body is starting to look so good.

Also, today my gender voice course from DeepStealth arrived, so I'll be starting on that soon. So a LOT of feminine things started arriving for me today. (I just hope the wigs arrive soon... I really genuinely think that my face will look great with the wigs that I chose, and I can't wait to try them out with the feminine clothes that I bought.) And for the first time ever, maybe that feminine personality will finally be allowed into the real world instead of just my mind. I'm really excited about this.

Aside from that, today was a much more relaxed day, and although I'm still feeling kind of worked up because of last night's whole emotional episode, and I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow, at least

I was able to successfully do s

omething that I was NEVER able to do before... buy clothes that I actually like. And when I looked at myself in the mirror today, I increasingly liked what I saw. My face is becoming more and more feminine, and now my skin is softening to go with it. I feel SO amazing. And for the FIRST TIME, I finally look half-decent wearing women's clothes.

So although my current mood is still kind of "blah," the future is looking brighter with every single day.

EDIT: I just discarded that part of this post that talked about how I hadn't had a chance to really play around with my new clothes in front of the mirror because Jenny was home all day. Because Jenny just went downstairs to practice her drums for a while, so I seized the opportunity to actually try on my skirt with some different shirts that I have, to see if I could make a feminine outfit that actually looked good on me... and OH... MY... GOD!!! I have NEVER been so happy with my clothes in my entire life!!! The combination of that skirt with the pink polo shirt that I just bought looks AMAZING!!! It's flirty, it's fun, it hides the hideous proportions of my upper body, my legs look absolutely fabulous, a

nd I've NEVER felt so feminine in

my entire life than just now when I was in front of the mirror in that outfit. Yes, Lord, THIS is what I have wanted for SO LONG!!! To think, soon I'll actually be able to wear those things in real life!!! *squee!!!* I can't express how excited I am right now. It's true, I really am going to be able to shine, and look beautiful, and wear clothes that are actually fun and exciting soon! It's so close I can taste it!!! This was a HUGE boost of self-confidence. I can't believe it! I actually look really good in a skirt!

[foxytaur (imported)]

your hormone levels will level off and be fine. what you describe is estrogen dominance happening and thats amazing . YAY!!!!!

Just remember T is neccesary for natal females.

I often wonder why most transexuals seem so adament to remove T entirely only to complain of loss of libido laters.

I understand why the need for the testes to be removed but geesh...... it's not normal for trans folk to have the entire endocrine system filled with E only.

setting ratio levels aside id be incredibly annoyed having to worry about how many hrt pills to take daily if i were castrated only to mantain the perfect equilibrium.

its a chore is all im saying.

this is my belief that best fits my dysphoria thought i understand everyones "equilibrium" is different and theres higher degrees of gender dysphoria out there.

I agree your dysphoria is much more femenine than mine cheetaking

I like my testicles. but i also would hate to worry about taking T patches in addition to E patches to get my Mosaic results

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

this is my belief that best fits my dysphoria thought i understand everyones "equilibrium" is different and theres higher degrees of gender dysphoria out there.

I agree your dysphoria is much more femenine than mine cheetaking

I like my testicles. but i also would hate to worry about taking T patches in addition to E patches to get my Mosaic results

Wheras I hate having a sex drive, hate having any of that must-release feeling, hate having ANY body hair or masculine feelings, and I HATE my testicles and penis with a fiery passion. If I had the money and the medical support, I really would just go in for a sex-change surgery right now. The sooner those things are out of my life, the better. All they've ever caused me is misery. And I do not ever plan to take T once they're gone. The fact that I ever had T in my body at all was a mistake of nature. NOTHING that it has ever done to my body has brought me the slightest bit of happiness, and so many of the things that it did made me absolutely miserable... changing my voice against my will, giving me body hair against my will, causing hair loss against my will, making me grow too damned tall against my will, masculinizing my face to be big and tough instead of cute against my will, making me muscular against my will, and giving me a sex drive that I was much happier without in the first place. All T has ever brought me is misery. And I only wish I had realized this and gone on HRT sooner. It would have saved me 13 full years of hating my own body.

(And the longer I'm on androgen blockers and estrogen, the more and more I'm getting convinced of this fact. It's like now I'm finally going through the puberty that I should have gone through in the first place. Unlike the "real" puberty that happened to me, this all feels right, and feels like it's making me grow up into a body that I actually want, instead of making me into a man against my will like my first puberty did. And I pray to God that it keeps going until I finally just look like a normal girl... I'm so sick of this thick, bulky masculine shell that hides the real me.)

[foxytaur (imported)]

I guess not everyone likes a high sex drive I suppose.whether it be male or female or both.

If anyones ever watched sex and the city, I sometimes feel like that sex crazed character samantha jones.

Athough there are indications that either sex have a well balanced dominating ratio of either T:E or viceversa. I still deeply belive sex is all in the noggin.

Theres some days where dunno it just happens and I could be extremely tired , sleepy , depressed or pyschotic and not one bit does the libido drop down.

on rare ocassions maybe it does but thats usually when my mind is preoccupied with school and stuff. and even that rare occasion where some of my supplements has an adverse effect on my libido. (3 pills daily of cod fish liver oil in between meals droped it down slightly then libido returned usual hyper mode again giggles)

But ive come to agree maybe some people dont want to get it on, go kinky and frisky.

If I still end up with a moderately high but slightly lower libido then my usual male self after hrt. I guess its gonna be tough to find a guy, girl, transman or translady to get me going.

Surely theres gotta be people out there that can keep up with hypersexuals.

I do admitt cheetaking that im very very open with myself and well just maybe it wont be hard to find someone as frisky and weird as myself

Anthrocon perhaps?

You watch them fuzzies!!!!. Watch them grope and furpile on each other.

And for you furries on eunuch archive. Pffttt..... PLeuuhzzz.

There is a huge sexual component in the fandom. To disagree with me is blasphemy at best.

perhaps one of the best subcultures to ever accept my crazy antics. If it weren't for the fandom id be lost. Cant wait to visit pittsburgh once im outta the house for the anual convention.

Maybe i'll find my dream person there P