Cheetaking243's Official Hormone Trial!

[_g (imported)]

Just read your first post, from personal experience:

EFFECTS THAT I AM HOPING FOR: (and the timeline which I have read that they will possibly start appearing, based on internet research):

-Calmness, a sense of control (supposedly starts almost immediately, within a few days after taking chem castration drugs, as soon as T levels start dropping.)

-Loss of sex drive (1 week or so-Loss of spontaneous erections, erections softer (1 week or so)

)

With Estrogen you will be hornier than ever until the Androcur/Finasteride takes effect I would say maybe 2 week or longer.

-Thought changes. A greater sense of happiness, a greater sense of self. Also possibly a sense that my thoughts finally feel "right" for the first time in my life if I am indeed transgendered, or the thought changes feeling wrong if I'm not. (should happen as soon as E levels start rising.)

-Loss of body odor, don't sweat as much (1-2 weeks)

-"Eunuch calm," loss of male aggression and male anger response. (as soon as T levels drop to castrate levels.)

-"Shrinkage" of up to 40%-60% (2-3 weeks)

)

Loss of body odor, no but it will change; loss of male aggression your mileage will very greatly!

Shrinkage you will not really notice for a month or longer, but when I was put on HRT my wife noticed the change in size of the testicles at the end of a month on HRT.

-Loss of muscle mass (3 weeks or so, ongoing.)

-Skin texture softening (somewhere between 3 weeks and 6 weeks)

-Softening/lessening of body hair (about the same time as the skin texture changes, whenever those may be.)

-Head hair regrowth. Most of what I lost was within the last 7 years, so I believe this could be significant. (ongoing, first noticeable near the end of the first month.)

-Body fat distribution changes. More on hips and thighs, less on stomach. (starts somewhere between months 1 and 2, needs at least a year for full effect.)

-Breast growth, along with severe breast tenderness while they're growing. (starts somewhere between months 1 and 2, look fully like early-teen boobs by about month 6, takes several years before they're done growing.)

On your boobs, it depends on your DNA, your mothers family breast size as to size you may atain. If all of them are more or less flat chested most likely you will also be flat chested. But then again your mileage may very.

-Facial feminization (somewhere between months 1 and 2. Month 6 is generally about the time when the face begins looking fully feminine, with final results after a year to 18 months.)

A lot will depend on your hair style make up etc. But how you dress and act will make or break passing as Female.

_g

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Thanks for the real-life wisdom, _g!

Just read your first post, from personal experience:

With Estrogen you will be hornier than ever until the Androcur/Finasteride takes effect I would say maybe 2 week or longer.

(In other words, not horny at all [:)], because I've pretty much had zero sex drive for the last 2 years or so anyway.) In all seriousness, though, this is actually one of the reasons why I decided to just take andro and finasteride for a few days before beginning the E. I didn't want my hormones to get completely out of whack by throwing new ones into the mix before the old ones had started to diminish. So I probably won't be adding the E for at least another couple of days. And since I can ALREADY feel my sex drive starting to drop ever-so-slightly, after only 2 days, I expect that it will indeed be significantly reduced by the time I add the E.

On your boobs, it depends on your DNA, your mothers family breast size as to size you may atain. If all of them are more or less flat chested most likely you will also be flat chested. But then again your mileage may very.

Yeah, I really don't expect a lot here. My mom is a D-cup, but a lot of that's mainly due to weight gain. And most of the pictures of my grandma on her side appear to be in the C range. I'm already almost a B-cup just with my normal "man boobs," so I really don't need much more anyway, but I'm definitely not expecting any miracles here.

A lot will depend on your hair style make up etc. But how you dress and act will make or break passing as Female.

Yeah, my figure was just a rough guess based on the transformation time-lapse videos that I have watched. Usually after about 6 months, that was when their faces generally started looking more feminine than masculine, even when they were still in "boy mode." That's what I meant.

Honestly, though, I'm not very worried about passing. If I really do go all the way, honestly, I think my natural body and natural gestures and actions are already bordering on distinguishably feminine. Firstly, on a test of 7 feminine features that are common among transsexuals, I passed all 7 of them. I have very small hands, narrow shoulders, wide hips, a small frame, feminine bone-construction in my arms, feminine finger ratios, and I can double-cross my legs. So my body is definitely feminized to a degree that most "normal" people aren't. Secondly, and I'm just starting to notice this, I actually walk more like a girl (upright, hands close to my body, not lumbering around like other guys at all,) and I use a LOT of hand gestures that are extremely feminine (God, when I watched a video of myself talking to the camera, I actually scared myself with just how many limp-wristed quick hand motions I was doing as I talked, and just how often I put my hands on my hips without thinking about it,) and I talk in a manner that's also pretty feminine... compared to other guys, I talk much more quickly, in faster bursts with pauses in-between, with lots more pitch variation and emotion, and I use lots of diminutive vocabulary like "kind of." A couple of days ago, I did an experiment where for the first time I tried raising the pitch of my voice based on the advice from various voice-therapy videos on the internet, I listened to it, and it seriously was like "Holy crap... I almost sound like a girl already! I could probably fool someone already if I wanted to. Just a little more work on my pacing and phrasing and I've got it!" My singing background, and lifetime of doing voice impressions, are definitely really helping me there. Especially since I've always loved singing high notes, even long after my voice changed, so my upper range is very strong.

[thraddash (imported)]

Hi Cheetaking243,

I had also recently decided on a change of hormones, monstly because using testosterone replacement didn't seem to have any real affect. I've order the same patches you've chosen (Climara - 100) from InhousePharmacy twice now, and the longest I waited for a shipment was about 2 weeks. Stupid me ordered during the december break, went via flipping China from Australia.

I feel a one month trial with estrogen was not long enough. I've been on the patches for over 2 months now with little change, other than slight breast growth. My labido isn't as severe but still exists, and my ass was already pretty awesome to begin with. The plan is continue using it for another 6 months. I started a healthier diet about the same time as the new hormones, mostly cutting out sugars and I've managed to lose weight over the same period, currenty about 5kg.

Hope you achieve what you've set your mind to, good luck

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

Hi Cheetaking243,

I had also recently decided on a change of hormones, monstly because using testosterone replacement didn't seem to have any real affect. I've order the same patches you've chosen (Climara - 100) from InhousePharmacy twice now, and the longest I waited for a shipment was about 2 weeks. Stupid me ordered during the december break, went via flipping China from Australia.

I feel a one month trial with estrogen was not long enough. I've been on the patches for over 2 months now with little change, other than slight breast growth. My labido isn't as severe but still exists, and my ass was already pretty awesome to begin with. The plan is continue using it for another 6 months. I started a healthier diet about the same time as the new hormones, mostly cutting out sugars and I've managed to lose weight over the same period, currenty about 5kg.

Hope you achieve what you've set your mind to, good luck

Thanks for the clinical evidence! That always helps when I hear what others who have done this have felt. Honestly, though, I really do feel like 1 month will be enough in my case. Because I am 100% sure that I am a transsexual. So it's not the bodily changes that I'm waiting on to see whether I like them or not. I already know that I will like those, and I don't care how long I have to wait to get them. What I do not know yet, and am still trying to find out, is whether or not I am also transgendered. So what I'm primarily looking for are the mental changes... whether I achieve that greater "sense of self" or not, whether I like the more-feminine thought patterns, whether my thoughts about wishing that I could be fully a girl persist (not just physically, but actually presenting myself socially as a woman,) whether or not it finally feels like my mind is working the way it should, and whether or not I like the way my mind thinks sexually as a result. If I really do feel more complete with those once they happen, and still feel like I want to be a girl, then I plan on going through a complete sex-change and transitioning into living as a female. If there isn't much change at all, I'll keep going longer until I can decide. And if I don't like it, then I'm not transgendered, just transsexual, which would mean that I don't transition, and I stop the hormones once I feel like I'm feminized enough to keep my conflicting transsexual thoughts at bay, possibly still going through with SRS one day even though I don't ever become a woman. (Again, I know for 100% sure that I am transsexual. That matter is settled. It's just more like figuring out whether I want to do a full gender transition or not.)

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE TRIAL LOG, DAY

TWO:

(To clarify something first... I am not taking Estrogen yet... As of now, my pill regiment is just 50mg of Androcur 2X daily, and half of a 5mg pill of Finasteride 1X

daily. I have not added the E patches

yet, and probably won't for at least another couple of days. I'll inform everyone when I finally do add them.)

All right, everybody, this is where

it officially begins. Because today I

could definitely start to feel the effects of the androcur. It is NOT a big change, but nonetheless noticeable, and it mainly has to do with the kind of mood that I was in and an ever-so-slight change to my normal pattern of erections.

First of all, the effect on my mood: All day today, I was feeling much less energetic. I woke up at 8 a.m. this morning, fixed breakfast and took my morning dosage, and within 3 hours I was heading back into the bedroom for a nap. This is definitely an effect of the androcur, however minor, because usually I sleep like a rock, 10 hours or more, at night, and then once I'm up I'm up until at least the mid-afternoon. But today, I never got that "awake and alive" feeling that I usually do after waking up in the morning, and ended up going back to bed for a 3-hour nap at 11 a.m. This was not, however, an irritable kind of tiredness where I was feeling cranky and crotchety and wanted to be left alone. No, in fact it was the COMPLETE opposite. I felt happy. Unbelievably happy. It almost felt like a perpetual afterglow kind of feeling... that kind of feeling where you're relaxed from head to toe and tired in a good way. It just feels like the whole world is beautiful, and everything is great, and nothing in the world matters. I felt like snuggling up by the fire with a good book, or listening to relaxing music, and just felt very generally happy and relaxed, not fired up or angry or on-edge or even tense in any way. The tension and stress just seemed to have melted away, and I felt so happy and calm. And that contented happiness stayed with me ALL day. I'm still feeling happily relaxed, in control, and unbelievably happy. I still feel that same lightness and brightness in my soul that I've been feeling for almost 2 weeks straight now, which I used to only feel once or twice a year if I was lucky. Emotionally, I love everything that's happening so far, and am still 100% optimistic with no reason yet to doubt that I won't love all of the effects.

(Side note: I'm still feeling extremely feminine, moreso than I have in my entire life. I was having "flashes" all day where I just suddenly felt like parts of myself were instantly transforming into female parts for just a few seconds, and it still brought such a degree of giddy excitement and happiness to me that I can hardly even describe it. So no change in my desires to be a girl yet. If anything, my peaceful mood was making me want to be a girl even more...)

And now onto the physical part of it... there has definitely been a slight change in my normal pattern of erections. Today, whenever my guy parts went limp, for some reason they felt a bit limper than usual. And especially at any point that I was trying to think sexual thoughts to see if they still worked, there was a bit of a delay... there would be a period where they would feel tingly but there would be no physical response. And I have NEVER felt anything like that before, so I know for sure that it was the androcur doing it. It's not a big change... maybe a 5% difference from what I normally feel, but it's definitely a difference. (I have very acute senses to this sort of thing, so that's why I'm able to sense these changes even though they were both extremely minor in the grand scheme of things.) Also physically, my motions felt a little bit rounder... a little slower, a little less definite, more simplistic. (Again, maybe a 5% change at most, but I can definitely feel it.)

You know what the weird part is, though? I LOVE it so far!!! I don't know why, but for some reason this just feels “right.” It feels more feminine, and it really does feel like on the inside that there's something so “correct” and “right” about it, something that tells me that yes, this is what I want, and I hope that it continues until all my muscles shrink and become feminine, and I spend my whole life using those more-rounded and slower body motions, and that my erections keep getting weaker and weaker until they stop existing entirely and my penis turns into a vagina. There's something on the inside of me that does not miss 100% penile functionality, and does not miss that adult hormone-induced “awakeness” one bit, and loves feeling like my motions are smooth and my mind is calm and in control. Again, thus far having effects from the chem-castration drugs are only making me want to be a girl even more, because they really do feel “right” to me.

Anyway, that's all for today. Some minor effects, all of which I am absolutely loving so far. And no changes to my desires to be a girl... if anything, they got even stronger today, because the limited early effects of the androcur are making me feel even more feminine.

See you all tomorrow!

[only other physical thing that's going on is that I have a bit of a headache right now, but that's what happens when you spend all day glued to a computer screen refreshing your browser every 5 minutes waiting to see if anyone has responded to your posts... eye strain hurts like hell. But I can't look away... sigh... that's what happens when I get so excited about something.]

[_g (imported)]

460]
OFFICIAL HORMONE TRIAL LOG, DAY

TWO:

clip....

[only other physical thing that's going on is that I have a bit of a headache right now, but that's what happens when you spend all day glued to a computer screen refreshing your browser every 5 minutes waiting to see if anyone has responded to your posts... eye strain hurts like hell. But I can't look away... sigh...
[/quote]
that's what happens when I get so excited about something.]

Get out and go for a walk or dig out your camera or art materials, or just do something other and just sitting in-front of the computer or TV. Just sitting equals gaining weight and other health problems. Remember the watched pot never boils!

_g

[ballsontheline (imported)]

I am very interested in your hormonal journey. I have wanted to share my own journey that started in March of 2012. Even if I do not share my story please know that my journey is similar and the path after almost a year is really worth it.

Mike

[cheetaking243 (imported)]

OFFICIAL HORMONE TRIAL LOG, DAY

THREE:

(WARNING: VERY long post ahead...)

Okay, I have no idea what the hell is going on anymore. When I first started this, and after yesterday's appearance of the very first effects, I had expected the effects of the chem castration drugs to be predictable... a slow steady lessening of my sex drive, and a slow steady increase in the testosterone-inhibiting effects. Well, after today, you can officially throw that theory out of the water.

My emotions, and sexual feelings, and state of mind, were such a ridiculous roller-coaster ride today, that I genuinely have no freaking clue what the hell is going on anymore.

Today, I once again woke up way earlier than I usually do. (Again, I usually sleep 10+ hours at night and sleep so deeply that not even my alarm clock wakes me up half the time.) But last night, despite going to bed at 11:30, I woke up at 5:00 in the morning. This was different, though. If you remember my report from yesterday, I still felt tired after waking up early, and never felt fully "awake" all day, and ended up taking a nap after only being up for about 3 hours. Well, that didn't happen this morning. I felt wide awake as soon as I woke up. And it was "wide awake" in the exact kind of way that it always was before I started taking the chem-castration drugs.

More weirdness ensued almost immediately. For some reason, I was feeling extremely "masculine" this morning. The gender dysphoria seemed like it had been pushed to the background. But this was NOT a good thing for me. I felt tense, and I felt on-edge, and it felt like I had lost my true self. And feeling masculine like this didn't make me feel peaceful or happy. On the contrary, it made me feel miserable. It felt exactly like that exact same kind of dull grey emotionless "blegh" feeling that I had been putting up with for years before I finally decided to do this trial and suddenly got happy. No, that happiness was suddenly gone, and my usual feelings of wanting to act like a girl were almost completely gone. And at the same time, it felt like the testosterone-inhibiting effects of the androcur had mysteriously vanished... I was getting erections all morning, and again felt very masculine, and not only did my orgasmic ability not feel hindered in the least, it actually felt greater than normal, if you can believe that.

But wait, it gets weirder still. Up until this morning, I hadn't reached a sexual climax in what was approaching 2 full weeks. (Last time was December 30th.) So I started wondering, was this antsy feeling just a result of that? So I decided to go for it and see if I felt better afterward or not. And the weird part is, I did it TWICE. Within 30 minutes of each-other. And I know this may not sound like a big deal to anyone else, but I naturally have an extremely low sex drive. I almost NEVER climax twice in the same day, let alone within 30 minutes of each-other. And stranger still, there was actually MORE ejaculatory fluid than there usually is. I usually get a few drops at the most, while today it just came shooting out when I finally got there. Honestly, I was genuinely starting to suspect that my testosterone levels had actually increased instead of decreased for some reason.

Long after that, I still felt antsy and on-edge. But for some reason although that feeling remained for the rest of the morning, the suppressed gender dysphoria did not stay gone. Almost as soon as I had climaxed, it returned stronger than ever, especially in regards to wanting a vagina instead of a penis, a feeling that has consistently been getting stronger and stronger ever since I started taking andro and finasteride. And I really have no explanation for this. Usually the cliche is that someone thinks about being the other gender as a means of getting off in the first place, and then as soon as they reach orgasm the feelings quickly disappear and their normal "rational" mind takes control again over the sexual mind that gets off on it. Where with me today it was the complete opposite. I started out the day feeling as though my gender dysphoria had disappeared, and couldn't drum up the same feelings I usually have no matter how hard I tried. But then, shockingly, once I had reached orgasm, all of a sudden they started flooding back to me in a massive deluge that once again overwhelmed my mind with a desire to be a girl, despite all of the sexual tension being gone. And you know, I really have no explanation for this. How does that even make sense? Nonetheless, I never promised that I'd have all the answers to these strange feelings that I have, I just promised that I'd report them as accurately as I could, so make of this what you will.

At about noon, I was still feeling tense and on-edge for some reason, and felt 100% like the way that I felt when I was still "normal," as if the androcur hadn't had any effect whatsoever. It was that same "dull gray drear" feeling that I thought I had finally escaped from after

deciding to do this hormone trial

2 weeks ago. And I REALLY missed that sense of contented happiness that I've had for the past few days. When I'm in that mindset, it feels like everything's right with the world, and nothing matters, and I'm just happy, and willing to go with the flow. While when I'm in "dull gray drear" mode, I feel like I want to be left alone, and I'm constantly lamenting the fact that I have to go to work and put up with the stresses of life, and the ideal bubbly and happy feminine state of mind that I want feels like it's a whole world away and never coming back. I HATE that feeling. That feeling that I got when I finally decided to do this trial, that feeling of being awake and ALIVE and filled with hope and brightness, I wanted that back so much. It just felt so unfair that suddenly I was stuck right back in that same awful mindset. Finally, knowing that I had to do SOMETHING about this awful mindset, I decided to move my evening dose of androcur up by 10 hours, and take it before I went to work instead of waiting for after. (It was 6 hours since the morning dose already, so I felt pretty safe doing it.)

While I was driving to work, I was in the kind of mood that I absolutely hate... impatient, irritated, and every little thing that other people did to inconvenience me in the slightest made me feel like I wanted to explode with anger. (I did several times during my drive to work... I remember calling one of the women in a car next to me an "oblivious bitch," and used the "f" word at least twice. I tried to listen to some nice angry-girl rock to ease my mind (a common tactic for when I'm feeling this way,) but then my CD player wouldn't play it, and I just erupted into a fit of rage, screaming "Damn it, damn it, damn it!!!" and broke out into an emotional episode where I was thinking about how unfair this was, and how I thought I was supposed to be in a happily contended mood, and I was supposed to be feeling the effects of the androcur, not be stuck in the same 100%-normal-feeling angry-guy mode that comes to me randomly every so often. I was a giant knot of stress and anger by the time I finally made it to work.

And then, to cap off this emotional roller-coaster, suddenly out of nowhere, and I have no idea why it happened, that stress and anger just started melting away again. I started feeling tired once again, in the same way as yesterday, and all of the stress and anger and bitterness just absolutely disappeared, as if absolutely nothing at all bad had happened today, and as if I had never even woken up feeling that pre-androcur kind of masculine feeling in the first place. Once again, I suddenly felt happy, and I felt contented, and it felt like there was no hurry, and that everything was right with the world, and that everything was going to work out. And the feminine feelings that had started coming back as soon as my morning climaxing was over, suddenly absolutely exploded once again, to the point that by the end of the day I was once again feeling 100% transgendered on the inside in addition to my transsexual norm. (I did have to drink a can of Diet Pepsi to keep myself awake, though. I just about fell asleep at one of my poker tables before I did that.)

I left work feeling great, feeling once again alive and awake and like everything in the world was great. I started the work day listening to angry-girl rock and screaming my lungs out because I was so frustrated, and I ended the day listening to the Carpenters and smiling peacefully. And by the time I reached home, my mood had progressed even further, now going fully to what I call the "Carrie mood," which is a mood where I'm feeling extremely feminine, plus deeply happy to such a degree that I can't contain that happiness within myself anymore, and I feel like being whimsical and light-hearted, doing things like rocking out to radio songs and randomly skipping and twirling around for no good reason, just because it feels like the world is my plaything and everything is so happy and bright. It feels like my whole body is radiating with light.

God, what an emotional mess. If you have any idea what the hell was going on here, and how I managed to go from normal-masculine to super-angsty to peaceful and relaxed to silly and spontaneous and girly all within the same day, I welcome any insight I can get, because I don't have a freaking clue.

In regards to the physical effects, there definitely are physical effects that are still progressing despite my emotional roller-coaster. All afternoon while I was at work, my guy parts felt almost like they were knocked unconscious. I didn't get ONE spontaneous erection the entire time I was at work. Usually I get at least one or two, or at least a twinge, but this afternoon there was absolutely NOTHING. From beginning to end, it stayed 100% limp. I can still get an erection just fine when I actually want to, and can still reach orgasm with no struggle whatsoever, but there has already been a very noticeable decrease in "spontaneous" erections, the kinds that pop up when you don't want them too.

Daily thoughts:

I HATED whatever it was that I was feeling this morning, because that was as bad as being a normal guy again. But I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, that silly spontaneous girly mood that I was in by the end of the day. THAT is me. That is the mood that I would choose to be in for the rest of my life if I could. Even the calm-contentment mood is a million times better than whatever the hell it was that I was feeling this morning. So I pray to God that once the pills really start having an effect on my mood, it's more girly gleefulness and more happy contentment, and not that feeling of tension and unease.

Still feeling extremely hopeful, extremely happy (now that it's not the morning anymore,) and looking forward to adding the E once it finally arrives. (No, it still hasn't. Bummer, man...)

'Till tomorrow!

[Wolf-Pup (imported)]

Since no one is replying, I'll add my thoughts...

As far as your initial euphoria, I think that was mostly in your head. The thrill of starting down the path to your goals.

If your T being produced has started to slack off, then your adrenal glands might be kicking it up into high gear to replace what is not being produced in the testes.

What you are doing is a long slow process. Changes take TIME so don't be so into it each day that you let your moods rise and fall over every change be it real or imagined.

{{Hugs}}

[Hash (imported)]

Didn't anyone tell you that this is a common thing that happens? You're forcing your body to change and your body is fighting back. The effects you're describing are quite "normal" for anyone taking the steps and the drugs that you're taking. It's going to take a while for the drugs to get you to where you want to go. Along the way, your body is going to try to fully reestablish your testosterone levels, there's a fight going on for dominance and that's why you're feeling the way you are. You're trying to chemically eliminate testosterone and your body is fighting this by making more testosterone. It's a tug of war, but just like physical castration, eventually your body will stop fighting and begin to accept things. Patience. Cheetaking, you should acquaint yourself with other transsexuals, join a blog group, seek out knowledge from those who have taken the journey. Also, find an endocrinologist, be upfront and honest. There are a few endocrinologists with experience in helping transsexuals.

http://www.transgendercare.com/