The below is more a vent, I don't know what responses I am expecting. As mentioned in the title I'm wrestling with my sex drive at the moment. I am currently dating a wonderful woman, she is so caring and wonderful. However I have spent today messaging people on dating websites whilst at work and at home followed by the intention of going to bed tonight at 10pm and here I am at 1.37am after my sex drive taking over, I considered going to a local dogging spot, picking up a hooker and have just been in my own world for the last 3.5hrs. I have noticed more and more how I just see the world through sex fuelled eyes. I was once empathetic, caring and sympathetic to other peoples plights in my younger years, but since my mid teens onwards I have just been sex obsessed. I am fairly certain this is what a lot of my relationships are based on, I seem to contact women when my intention seems to be hooking up. I seem to just feel nothing about my behaviour either.
This might seem quite an odd point, but I can remember watching Gladiator when I was younger (10 years old maybe) and that bit at the end where Russell Crowe is walking through the field towards his son and dies. It really saddened me, I was in floods of tears. The same thing at my Granddads funeral, couldn't stop myself crying. I genuinely believe my emotional range is substantially limited now, I am not convinced these things would register nearly as much.
I want to be able to relate to people again, care for their issues and not be absorbed in my own issues all the time. I feel that chemical castration might be part of the answer for me. I guess something I want to know (and I appreciate that peoples mileages vary) how did people find the mental changes after chemical castration? How did you relate to others? How was it to be liberated from that drive? I know a lot of this has been answered elsewhere, I must have quick searched "mental effects", "empathy", "emotions" and various other things 100's of times!
To anyone who could be bothered to read through this jumbled mess I apologise!
i hated chem castration, being its a pill I felt strange...unlike vodka injections which is (permanent) only a few shots will make you feel less sex driven but will cause you to feel tired all the time. So you need to be careful and that you really want this. I do dislike the tired feeling but I love the fact that I am not completely sex driven like my early days of porn 24 by 7.
I recommend you do nothing but first try to find out why are you so sex driven, also stay committed to that one female and do not go out looking for hookers diseases etc........really try to see women not as objects, I think your mind just needs some reconditioning but of course sometimes that is impossible and castration does do the job well but again comes with a whole other bunch of issues...for me they are not so much motivation as before, some depression, cranky, irritated easily interest for women fell, and the feeling of being tired a good portion of the day.
Your emotional inability is due to your sex addiction, again you need to recondition your thoughts to less sex driven thoughts, i would say do not look at any porn, masturbate, just cut it all out of your life.
As for chem castration, siterone, I found it to enlarges the breasts alot, I felt like hell on it. I hate medication......thats why I liked to vodka shots better.
You will lose spunk and fueled excitement from castration being it stops the T, you will be more docile and calm. There is a trade off, I personally like it but then dislike it. I hate the tired, no excitement thing the most. But before I was totally out of control I must of had ADD but I now feel slowed down by alot.
I can go up to women and have a long drawn out conversation, before when I was sex driven I had no chance of even approaching a woman. My relationship with my mom has really improved. Before my mom would curse me out all the time now we talk all the time. I feel smarter too, my thoughts are more clear being my drive does not interfere
I certainly do feel more of a social participant in this society compared to before when my T drove me. However I dislike the mood swings, bouts of depression, tiredness and constant feeling of blandness. Before I was totally horny, rageful, speed demon, not able to speak to a single person, totally paranoid, ADD, OCD but I felt more zest to life but I could not even speak to one person due to my T making me super shy, super anxious and totally paranoid.
castration does have like a zombie effect which I hate.
I have struggled with the same thing all my life -- hypersexuality since age of 9. It caused many years wasted in zoned out state cheating on girlfriends, browsing porn, then once I had money frequenting prostitutes. It was a total addiction -- averaging 10 orgasms a day, prostitutes almost daily, etc. I'd lose sleep tossing and turning, then sneak out of my girlfriends' beds to go find a hooker. It was pathetic, mainly because it interfered so seriously with my life. It is hard to focus on career when all you can think about is fucking your assistant.
The feelings I had I called "agitation" and "souring" (sounds similar to your term "turmoil") -- my horniness would start out as a good feeling, then become sort of agitated, and then would sour into a weird feeling where I wasn't thinking properly (I regularly made bad decisions that endangered myself and my partners in terms of disease, legal implications, physical harm). I turned to the idea of castration and genital self-harm which I pursued fairly seriously. It was a cycle of acting out sexually, then harming myself in retribution.
Anyway, I fixed it when I finally submitted myself to an ER as a psych emergency when I was in a state where I was about to cut off my penis. The pschologist there was great (he was a big city hospital guy, so had seen it all) and basically just prescribed Celexa (an SSRI anti-depressant). Within 3 days I had gone from thinking about sex constantly and harming myself every day (I'd literally start ever day by squeezing my balls in the door), to an entirely different state of mind -- the whole idea of all that was simply unattractive to me.
Basically, you need to get on an SSRI anti-depressant. These are known to help not just depression, but also compulsions, fetishes, addictions, hypersexuality, etc. Seratonin levels are intimately linked with our dopamine pleasure-seeking cycles.
Anyway, go directly to a psychiatrist that treats sex addiction. If they don't recommend it (they probably will) ask about SSRIs. It literally cured me.
Chemical castration is not the right thing if you otherwise enjoy being a man. If you like being strong, fit, assertive, energetic, castration isn't the right way. Castration is best for those with true gender identity or body integrity issues.
One thing we do not think about when we are young, nor do many people think about with age, is that there are generally five kinds of people in this world.
This applies to everyone regardless of race, religion, politics, etc. etc.
Hetro Male
Homo Male
Hetro Female
Homo Female
Androgenous or Neutered (some may preferred Neutered to be a sixth category which works too)
I did not include M2F or F2M because the person is who they are, just temporarily (hopefully temporarily) with mismatched mind and body.
I view the above five types as created by nature, for a reason.
They can not be an abberation because it keeps happening over and over and over throughout known human history.
The mismatched mind and body does not happen quite as often, so perhaps that is the one area where nature gets interrupted at the wrong moment for some reason and causes this to happen; which is fixable, but socially and physically a costly challenge in so many ways.
I suppose it depends on the person whether or not one thinks of the need to be castrated to be a partial M2F, or a M to androgenous, or a M to neutered category.
Whichever, it just has to do with having a mis match between the mind a person was born with, and the body a person was born with.
They crave to be a matched set, and mis matched sets drive us to distraction, or worse, and society does not understand the need to attain a matched set.
What is an abberation is human thought, which tries to squeeze everyone into preconceived boxes.
And there in we get squashed.
This is just my thoughts on the subject , not to be taken as absolute, and certainly not scientific.
Kind of food for thought, and as others comment, I am open to adaptation.
I'm not the kind of guy who posts a thought, and there it is, the absolute truth and anybody who disagrees is an idiot. No, that's' not me.
Physical death of the body is the only thing that I accept as absolute truth.
I am considering trying SSRI's, I have OCD which is a pain at the best of times! Thanks for your replies it is nice to know that there is hope! Gender and sexuality are such enormous topics I have barely scratched the surface it appears.
