another chem-castration trial

[erikboy (imported)]

So, another small changes.

Hardness of erection is now again like rock hard. Sometimes even painful. Amount of semen seems to increase and consistency is changing it looked yellowish after day 5. Now it is rather whitish.

Every morning I've had woods. Morning erections were like switched on from switch.

Yesturday there was even a random erection during daytime.

Also I don't remember I have had hotflashes like events after drinking coffee for the past 3 or 4 days. So these actually were hotflashes but my bodys naturally good temperature regulation ability hide them from me.

One interesting thing is that there is much sexual desire returned yet. Instead I have massive desire to complete things. Like if there is something I think it is important to complete I keep thinking about that and it makes me restless. The opposite to eunuch calm. While experiencing eunuch calm I felt more intelligent and I was thinking whether I really needed to complete one or another task. Now I have just desire to complete things if feel them to be important. At the same time that added motivation do not help me complete things that I do not like but are neccessary.

Huh, that are my currentthoughts and feelings.

[erikboy (imported)]

Hormones seem to fluctuate. I have morning wood every morning but libido is close to nil at some days and other days not so nil. Like last 2 days have been quite zero in that sense. So, masturbation rate remains much less than once a day.

My testicles still ache at times but now it happen more seldom. Usually there is no pain and suddenly there is a sharp pain for 5 minutes.

It seems that my testicles gain size again. They aren't as big as before, but there is little enlargement.

Instead of liberation and so called eunuch calm I feel restlessness.

It is interesting how you live your whole life with these effects without noticing them. You notice things only when they change.

About eunuch muscular weakness, it set in after like 5 days. I was pretty well trained physically and I felt like I've had few lazy days of lying on the bed behind me. Thats the exact feeling when your muscles loose strenght. And that feeling was constant for a week despite my physical activities. And trying to do more than usual, quickly cause pains in muscles.

So, the atrophy is rather pathological and training helps little.

I can feel strenght returning through constant muscle pains. Things that felt heavy, don't feel that heavy anymore. Despite there was no change in physical activities or intensity.

It is also interesting how I forget the feeling being horny while on Androcur. And now the feeling of no sex drive and eunuch calm seem to be so distant it is difficult to remember that.

[erikboy (imported)]

So it is now 5 days since my last post. And I can say that by now I have recovered 95% of Androcur effects. The only last things remaining pain in testicles which seem to related to testicular atrophy. And testicular atrophy which is reversing. There is measurable increase in testicular size, but the size is not what it was before chem castration trial.

Of last things that have returned is full libido. I can't live without masturbating once or twice a day again. And I keep thinking of sexual matters almost constantly if I let my mind free. Like it was before.

So it has taken about a month to return to normal again.And a month is seemingly absolute minimum in recovery from Androcur usage. Longer periods on Androcur adding recovery time considerably.

I will write a short conclusion later. To gather all important things into one piece. So it is no need to go through all the posts.

[erikboy (imported)]

Its just incredible, when I think I have recovered fully I got a surprise next day. Today when I did my usual walk I discovered how easy it was to walk actually. I didn't felt that heavyness I have probably gotten used to. And I got no pain in my muscles.

It was a joy!

but there is a down side too. These sexual thoughts come more often and distract me. That part I do not like at all.

[erikboy (imported)]

Yet another surprise.

Yesturday I masturbated 4 times in a row and I didn't get to feel like that was enough. No satisfaction, only exhaustion. also there were day time spontaneous erections. I am like a teenager.

I am trying to compare what it feels like with and without Testosterone. But it seem to be difficult as I tend to forget feelings. Differences could be noticed only if changes happen. Otherwise everything feels like it has been like that since the beginning of time. Thats strange.

On emotional side I feel happy. But I felt happy with low T as well. But somehow these feelings - both happy - are essentially different and I couldn't describe what exactly is different.

An important emotional thing - now that I know I function as a normal male again (hopefully) I feel somehow more worthy. On Androcur I had a background worry in me "what if I my testicles won't restart again". Despite I did accept knowingly that if this happened to me, it was okay for me, I still had a small worry in the background. Probably it was natural. And probably accepting possible consequences did not allow it develope into depression.

I have tried to understand the source of depression in eunuchs, but usually they won't share too much their true feelings. I don't know why. In my experience widened emotional range just could not explain depression. It is just emotions being stronger, harder to control. It shouldn't cause permanent depression without a reason. There must be something else involved. Like castration decision made without much thinking about outcome. Or being generally depressed or unhappy before castration. Unsolved other issues, etc.

[shortone (imported)]

Erikboy,

Thank you for posting your journey. I have been following it from the beginning and you have done an outstanding job explaining what has happened with tremendous insight. Kudos!

If you don't mind my asking, approximately how old are you?

Please continue to update your thread as things change.

Thanks again,

shortone

[vesal_mas (imported)]

I recognise very much of what you're telling.

However my recovery went much slower.

Tx for posting your story !

Vesal.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

According to erikboy's profile he is 38. --FLO--

[Peter47-NL (imported)]

Erikboy,

Thank you for posting your journey. I have been following it from the beginning and you have done an outstanding job explaining what has happened with tremendous insight. Kudos!

Please continue to update your thread as things change.

Thanks again,

shortone

I agree with shortone! Thank you very much for sharing your experience!

[erikboy (imported)]

I recognise very much of what you're telling.

However my recovery went much slower.

I guess your trial on whatever drug lasted longer?

It seems like GnRH pulse generator (in hypothalamus) which has no positive feedback either because lack of testicles or T-receptors blocked, first tries to compensate causing hot flashes and then slowly shuts down. Once it has shut down, restart takes lot longer time or the shutdown could be even semipermanent or permanent. That part of human hormone system is poorly understood.

That is why doctors do not want to use Androcur for treatment of precocious puberty.

GnRH is a neurohormone. And releasing it into bloodstream is controlled by our nervesystem.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gonadotrop ... ng_hormone