another chem-castration trial

[erikboy (imported)]

It is strange. At times I feel like there is some T in my system and other days I feel weak again. Not as weak as I felt on Androcur. Looks like my endocrine system is unstable.

More over, as I've had little interest in sexual things I haven't noticed it before. There is a noticeable size reduction of my testicles. I measured them right before I started androcur. They were 40ml each. Now they measure 30ml each.

There is also slight pain in testicles at times I didn't pay attention before. It started about the time my androcur supply ended. size reduction and pain seem to be related. Conclusion - Androcur is a powerful drug and can be unpredictable. Not that I did not know that before. That it happened to me. I did not expect to have my testicles size reduced so sudden and dramatical way. 1/4 is quite a lot in that short period of time.

[erikboy (imported)]

It seems like my T-levels are very low now. I think I am still having hot flashes, but they are so mild it is hard to tell what has caused them. Usually after drinking coffee, I don't remember that I had them before. No morning woods. Very little interest in sex. We will see whether my T-level will ever return. whatever. Emotionally I am stable. I was most concerned about being emotionally wrecked. So far that has not happened. My T levels aren't at castrate levels either.

So far so good.

[fhunter]

It seems like my T-levels are very low now. I think I am still having hot flashes, but they are so mild it is hard to tell what has caused them. Usually after drinking coffee, I don't remember that I had them before.

I had that, while on androcur. But only after about a month or two from the beginning of the trial.

[erikboy (imported)]

I had that, while on androcur. But only after about a month or two from the beginning of the trial.

It is more than 2 weeks ago when I took my last Androcur dose. At first it seemed like T levels are returning, but now it feels like I am still close to castrate levels.

[Riven (imported)]

It will take a long time for your hormones to get back to normal. I think it takes a good couple of months.

[erikboy (imported)]

It will take a long time for your hormones to get back to normal. I think it takes a good couple of months.

Yep, it seems like this. At night I had a hotflash I woke up and in the morning I had first morning wood since ages. There has been a whole month since my last MW.

[erikboy (imported)]

Second morning in a row to wake up with morning wood. It is strange to have them again.

Yesturday I felt quite horny during the day, several times. That has not happened since the beginning of trial. But I haven't masturbated for a week either. So far my masturbation frequency has remained low. Once or twice a week. instead of once or twice a day.

In my earlier post I reported shift in my sexuality. It seems like it has returned to "normal" again. I suspect it was because of estrogen/testosterone disbalance. And it was kind a glimpse into female sexuality, if I was a female.

During my top weakness period my walking style must have been different than usual. Slower and softer. I feel that. Today I felt much more physically energetic. It seems like my processes in my brain are more forced/active. I am willing to take more risks, I feel desire to complete to move. Hard to explain. But generally it is called motivation to do things. I think that agressiveness stems from the same source. So, it is completely false that testosterone would not increase agression. It does.

It is so interesting to feel all these things I have read so many times on myself.

[Riven (imported)]

You're right erikboy, it is interesting. The first time I tried cyproterone I used the 'normal' dose of 50mg daily. I only did that for a week, but as my hormones recovered I was very quick tempered for a few days. Same happened the next time, despite my using a far lower dose. Our hormones don't have to fluctuate much in order to shift our mood. Be prepared for your returning sex hormones to cause you to have mood swings.

[erikboy (imported)]

Our hormones don't have to fluctuate much in order to shift our mood. Be prepared for your returning sex hormones to cause you to have mood swings.

I am actually amazed by the lack of emotional swings, depressions. I was so prepared to meet them, but almost nothing happened. I remember that during my puberty I didn't have emotional swings either. It makes me think that depression and emotional swings aren't only caused by hormonal fluctuation. There must be some kind of predisposition for swings. How our brain is built. I am usually considered to be flegmatic. That could help me.

There was only one case when I felt too emotional. But I recognized the cause in early stages and did not allow to develope it to deep bad mood. It is the only time I had to control my emotions conciously. And I was well prepared. Otherwise I have been generally happy and amused by castration effects

One more thing, my body odor has changed back.

[erikboy (imported)]

Androcur seem to cause addiction. Once you have started you do not want to give up unless negative side effects become intolerable. I wish to have a second trial with a lenght of 3 months. Probably next summer. It is because I have naturally more physical activity during summer period and it is emotionally good time.

I just read fhunters chem cast. trials log and all the symptoms and feelings seeb to be incredibly similar. Only when I read them first without personal experience I did not understand exacly what was going on. For example eunuch calm I felt, was much different than I expected. Loss of energy was rather physical weakness. That was in my case much greater than I expected. Motivation loss wasn't too great. I just kinde felt that I needed to explain myself why I need to get things done. And then I did them. But yea, some passiveness and lack of emotional initiative was observable. Instead of natural desire to get things done I had to use my intelligence to be motivated. And I didn't feel the rush. To get things done right away. Now that feeling has returned. If something that I have to get done stays too long without activity, than that thing makes me nervous, angry, makes me willing to finish it.

There are so many things in being castrated that you do not recognize until you have experienced them and could look back at changes and differences.