hello to all here

[cocktamer (imported)]

Hello, My name is Jan, and I live in Belgium Europe.

I was born in 1954, and are now 58.

My link with castration and the fantasies that go with that might be unusual: In my early teens, mij parents did discover that 4am gay. Especialy my mother took this quit bad.

resolving to "cure " me, i was subjected to quit some bizare BDSM "games" - passing as " treatment " : When at home, I had to wear a chastity belt (equiped with a erection sensor, that via a transmitter did give a remote alarm )

When an alarm sounded, I was hooked up on e stim until my cock did grow soft. the idea was to put and keep me in an state of sexual exhaustion, to keep my dick limp so I could not grow hard anymore ( for gay sex)

Also, there where regular ( several times daily on school vacations) " inspections " ( wit e stim ) to see if I would grow hard when stimmed.

This did last on and off for about 2 years ( between ages 12 -14 )

After that, I was medicaly treated to make me forget the whole thing ( hooking me up on an brain scan, to see my reactions when a question was asked, administering anti-depresants to impair my memory).

This was quit succesful: I forgot the whole experience. But I did remain gay.

Also my sexual fantasies did reflect what was done to me: chastity devices, cock control, e stim and energy milking, sexual exhaustion, lowering libido, are very prominent here: Those are things I like being done to me, and that I also want to do ( even more so) to others.

recently I have started to recover my missing teen memories, and that has given a whole new light on my sexual fantasies.

Why I'am here ? I wonder is there are among you persons who have had the misfortune of going through similar experiences. To compare notes.

And also to share sexual fantasies with those to whom this stuff apeals.