I don't get it. Why do people tell you they like you and go thru all the motions of convincing you there is something between you and then end up seeming to cut you out of their lives when you've actually done nothing other than your best to make it work? Why do they seem to purposely hurt people who don't deserve that sorta shit like that?
That girl I went to see in Texas in January, she's completely stopped contacting me. We can get in touch thru skype, secondlife, email, youtube PMs, and I know she's on facebook, but she seems to make no effort to reply or contact me. One of the last times we spoke, I told her I added her to facebook. She told me she lost the password for that and can't accept my request, but she had a display picture that I know was very recent, because she changed to it right before my trip to visit her in her SL profile. I seriously doubt she really lost it. How she's behaving is completely at odds with her actions.
Then this other girl last month started to give all the indications that she had fallen for me, etc, and then around mid feb she starts to stop talking to me. It sorta goes the same way as it did with Texas girl, then yesterday morning, she removes me from her contact list in the only social medium we communicate on.
sigh. before that the last person to show any interest, turns out to be wanting money from me. After the first date, everytime she asks me out, at the end of it you can be sure there's a request to borrow money on top of the £150 I've already loaned her, which she still owes me.
Before that, a girl I slept with in uni outed me to half my dept. Of course, to make things worse, she's now dead. The same Mel who's mentioned in my signature.
But don't worry, my ex who was a fellow student, outed me to the other half right before that, so I can get the full impact of suddenly having everyone judge me and question and invalidate my gender in a 1-2 blow.
Such a great dating history in recent years.
Completely disillusioned. Think I'm going to just throw myself into games and never come out again.
Why do people say one thing and do another?
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punkypink (imported)
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tomas.toohey (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
People do that all the time no matter where you are in the world its mean but it is also human nature for this to happen. Its gets really annoying at times i know but you will be right dont lose hope
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punkypink (imported)
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I Worship Women (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
punkypink, people say one thing and do another about a lot of things. Why do they do that? It's like a lot of things people do, they do them because it suits or serves their purposes at the time. It's not right for them to do that but they do it anyway. Don't lose hope. Everyone isn't that way. Yes some are but most are not. Please don't give up on all of humanity because of a few bad even very bad experiences. Human beings and humanity is growing and developing and learning, and slowly improving. Instead of giving up just hang in there and help make things better. Even if we are treated badly, if we respect others and treat them the way we should then we are an example to others and are helping make things better. Yeah, I really do believe that.
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sag111 (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
Sadly people do that to each other all the time even so called christians.I am sorry you were hurt and sorry that person took advantage of you I can see you had many tears over this and you are in my prayers.
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Arab Nights (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
That kind of thing happened to me all the time in my twenties when I lived in east Tennessee. Much less in my thirties in Arizona and Nevada. My guess is that as I got older and the people I hung with got older, we matured and did less of that.
Hang in there. As you get older, you might well find there are quiet people who are really interested in you now, but you never noticed them.
Hang in there. As you get older, you might well find there are quiet people who are really interested in you now, but you never noticed them.
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Cainanite (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
Hey Punky,
I see what you are taking about all the time. Small ways, big ways. People do this as a defense mechanism. There is some issue that they don't want to confront, so they hide behind words and run for the hills. It sucks.
I'd see it in sales all the time. Someone would come in to ask about a product, and discover what they were looking for was far out of their budget. Instead of saying to me, "Sorry I can't afford that." They'd say, "Sure I'd love to buy it, but I have to go talk about it with my wife." or "I'll be back to buy it tomorrow." Then I'd never see them again.
Say one thing, do another.
When people start doing that in relationships, it gets worse. "Sure I love you. Sure I'll support you." "We'll stay in touch." "We should get together."
When what they really mean is, "I just want this conversation to end, so I can get on with my life."
It is a defense mechanism. What I have noticed here on the EA forums, is that most people here are very open and honest. Most people here don't act like that, or say those things. Unfortunately the people on the EA are in the minority. Most people don't live as honestly. I generally try to do what I say, and follow through on my promises. If I can't afford something, I'll tell the salesman. If I'm not enjoying a relationship, I'll end it honestly before someone's feelings get irreversibly hurt. I know you are like that too.
I know it hurts when it happens to you. It has happened to me enough times in my life. Try to count yourself lucky, and move on. If the relationship has ended, then it is over. You don't need to waste any more time on it. Find someone better. You'll grieve for the loss, but in the end you'll be better off. The people who will stick with you will be the ones to treasure.
I see what you are taking about all the time. Small ways, big ways. People do this as a defense mechanism. There is some issue that they don't want to confront, so they hide behind words and run for the hills. It sucks.
I'd see it in sales all the time. Someone would come in to ask about a product, and discover what they were looking for was far out of their budget. Instead of saying to me, "Sorry I can't afford that." They'd say, "Sure I'd love to buy it, but I have to go talk about it with my wife." or "I'll be back to buy it tomorrow." Then I'd never see them again.
Say one thing, do another.
When people start doing that in relationships, it gets worse. "Sure I love you. Sure I'll support you." "We'll stay in touch." "We should get together."
When what they really mean is, "I just want this conversation to end, so I can get on with my life."
It is a defense mechanism. What I have noticed here on the EA forums, is that most people here are very open and honest. Most people here don't act like that, or say those things. Unfortunately the people on the EA are in the minority. Most people don't live as honestly. I generally try to do what I say, and follow through on my promises. If I can't afford something, I'll tell the salesman. If I'm not enjoying a relationship, I'll end it honestly before someone's feelings get irreversibly hurt. I know you are like that too.
I know it hurts when it happens to you. It has happened to me enough times in my life. Try to count yourself lucky, and move on. If the relationship has ended, then it is over. You don't need to waste any more time on it. Find someone better. You'll grieve for the loss, but in the end you'll be better off. The people who will stick with you will be the ones to treasure.
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janekane (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
punkypink,
Why do
My view? Because anything else is actually impossible.
"Saying one thing" is, and is only, the doing of the saying, so doing the saying cannot be the doing of the doing as described only within doing of the saying.
Saying what one intends to do is of intensional meaning, or connotation, or words dancing about within brain regions where words lurk.
Doing what one actually does extends intent into overt conduct, or extensional meaning, or denotation, or actions dancing about within externally observable conduct.
That what one says one will do can never be what one actually does when it is done is an inescapable aspect of directly observable existence as process.
Before a person (a baby?) learns words, the baby has no word-form-basis for intensional meaning, though such babies definitely have intentions (hungry, cry, perhaps get fed).
In my life work, it has become rather clear to me that the usual infant-child transition, which typically gets going at around 18 months of age, is a conventionally a transition from denotive thinking (not in words) to connotative thinking (only in words).
While I could say, in words, "I am cooking porridge for breakfast, today," I could say that without actually cooking porridge. However, I cannot actually be cooking porridge for breakfast without actually cooking porridge for breakfast.
Or, I can connote cooking porridge for breakfast without being able to denote cooking porridge for breakfast.
Furthermore, as I do have some cereal grains in our larder which I could plausibly use for making porridge, I could, were I so to choose, cook porridge without saying that I am doing so. Therefore, I can connote cooking porridge without denoting cooking porridge, and I can also denote cooking porridge without connoting cooking it.
In my research, what I suppose may usefully be connoted as a foundational error in the structure of human society is the equivalencing of connotation with denotation and denotation with connotation, which equivalencing is, as best I can yet discern, the essential trauma of the conventional transition from infancy to childhood, and my apparent expertise in this may stem from my being autistic in such a manner as to never have been able to accomplish the usual socialization transition from infancy to childhood.
I experience the affective states (or emotions?) of shame, blame, guilt, and such with formidable intensity; in profound contrast with so-called sociopathic people, those affective states can become overwhelming for me if I do not change my interpretations of events which give rise to shame, blame or guilt experiences.
What may contrast my life with the lives of a vast majority of people is my inescapably observing the affective states of shame, blame, guilt, and such to be my brain's response to a delusion of one form or another, and I change my interpretation of all events which give rise to my sense of delusion detection until the interpretation I have of any, and every, event is without shame, blame, guilt, or such. This process has, for more than 72 years, invariably involved my finding a situational (and never dispositional) attribution set which results in my having learned about something apparently wisely avoided.
Were I put on a jury in the U.S., I would automatically find every defendant to be perfectly innocent, doing so because I find that the notion of guilt is an attribution-error-delusion.
This tends to make my life interesting when, as has happened, my personal safety depended upon my appearing in court in one or another court-assigned role. My inner sense of contempt for the Adversarial System as Actual Justice transcends infinity.
During my most recent encounter with the Adversarial System, one in which I had contact with a prosecutor, I truthfully informed the prosecutor to the effect that, if I had to enter a plea, I would plead Contempt of Court. I also informed, in writing, the Judge of this truthful fact, and of the truthful fact that I am inescapably in contempt of court. At the end of "the trial," the Judge remarked to the effect that he would not have found me in contempt of court. As I was, and remain, in actual contempt of court as a matter of conscience, and as the Judge had, methinks, prejudicially ruled out my being found in contempt of couert, the Judge validated and vindicated my being in contempt of court through denying it.
Methinks that people do not do what they say they will do, not only because that is impossible, but also because human society has yet to evolve sufficiently to not be as though in contempt of life itself.
Why do
My view? Because anything else is actually impossible.
"Saying one thing" is, and is only, the doing of the saying, so doing the saying cannot be the doing of the doing as described only within doing of the saying.
Saying what one intends to do is of intensional meaning, or connotation, or words dancing about within brain regions where words lurk.
Doing what one actually does extends intent into overt conduct, or extensional meaning, or denotation, or actions dancing about within externally observable conduct.
That what one says one will do can never be what one actually does when it is done is an inescapable aspect of directly observable existence as process.
Before a person (a baby?) learns words, the baby has no word-form-basis for intensional meaning, though such babies definitely have intentions (hungry, cry, perhaps get fed).
In my life work, it has become rather clear to me that the usual infant-child transition, which typically gets going at around 18 months of age, is a conventionally a transition from denotive thinking (not in words) to connotative thinking (only in words).
While I could say, in words, "I am cooking porridge for breakfast, today," I could say that without actually cooking porridge. However, I cannot actually be cooking porridge for breakfast without actually cooking porridge for breakfast.
Or, I can connote cooking porridge for breakfast without being able to denote cooking porridge for breakfast.
Furthermore, as I do have some cereal grains in our larder which I could plausibly use for making porridge, I could, were I so to choose, cook porridge without saying that I am doing so. Therefore, I can connote cooking porridge without denoting cooking porridge, and I can also denote cooking porridge without connoting cooking it.
In my research, what I suppose may usefully be connoted as a foundational error in the structure of human society is the equivalencing of connotation with denotation and denotation with connotation, which equivalencing is, as best I can yet discern, the essential trauma of the conventional transition from infancy to childhood, and my apparent expertise in this may stem from my being autistic in such a manner as to never have been able to accomplish the usual socialization transition from infancy to childhood.
I experience the affective states (or emotions?) of shame, blame, guilt, and such with formidable intensity; in profound contrast with so-called sociopathic people, those affective states can become overwhelming for me if I do not change my interpretations of events which give rise to shame, blame or guilt experiences.
What may contrast my life with the lives of a vast majority of people is my inescapably observing the affective states of shame, blame, guilt, and such to be my brain's response to a delusion of one form or another, and I change my interpretation of all events which give rise to my sense of delusion detection until the interpretation I have of any, and every, event is without shame, blame, guilt, or such. This process has, for more than 72 years, invariably involved my finding a situational (and never dispositional) attribution set which results in my having learned about something apparently wisely avoided.
Were I put on a jury in the U.S., I would automatically find every defendant to be perfectly innocent, doing so because I find that the notion of guilt is an attribution-error-delusion.
This tends to make my life interesting when, as has happened, my personal safety depended upon my appearing in court in one or another court-assigned role. My inner sense of contempt for the Adversarial System as Actual Justice transcends infinity.
During my most recent encounter with the Adversarial System, one in which I had contact with a prosecutor, I truthfully informed the prosecutor to the effect that, if I had to enter a plea, I would plead Contempt of Court. I also informed, in writing, the Judge of this truthful fact, and of the truthful fact that I am inescapably in contempt of court. At the end of "the trial," the Judge remarked to the effect that he would not have found me in contempt of court. As I was, and remain, in actual contempt of court as a matter of conscience, and as the Judge had, methinks, prejudicially ruled out my being found in contempt of couert, the Judge validated and vindicated my being in contempt of court through denying it.
Methinks that people do not do what they say they will do, not only because that is impossible, but also because human society has yet to evolve sufficiently to not be as though in contempt of life itself.
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C&TL2745 (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
Girls, particularly young girls, find it awkward to break up with a someone. It's easier to "forget a password" than to say she doesn't want the relationship. It comes across as mean to the one being dumped, but it generally comes out of her cowardice rather than meanness. As girls grow older, they may get more adept at breaking off a relationship honestly, though not all do, but mostly we learn to avoid starting relationships that have no future to start with.
I hope you can take it not as an affront to you but as an indication of the girls' immaturity and lack of social grace.
Sandi
I hope you can take it not as an affront to you but as an indication of the girls' immaturity and lack of social grace.
Sandi
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punkypink (imported)
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Re: Why do people say one thing and do another?
Arab Nights (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:48 am That kind of thing happened to me all the time in my twenties when I lived in east Tennessee. Much less in my thirties in Arizona and Nevada. My guess is that as I got older and the people I hung with got older, we matured and did less of that.
Hang in there. As you get older, you might well find there are quiet people who are really interested in you now, but you never noticed them.
[/qn of the girls' immaturity and lack of social grace.C&TL2745 (imported) wrote: Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:07 am uote]
I doubt it. It's a curse to be trans AND lesbian.
Girls, particularly young girls, find it awkward to break up with a someone. It's easier to "forget a password" than to say she doesn't want the relationship. It comes across as mean to the one being dumped, but it generally comes out of her cowardice rather than meanness. As girls grow older, they may get more adept at breaking off a relationship honestly, though not all do, but mostly we learn to avoid starting relationships that have no future to start with.
I hope you can take it not as an affront to you but as an indicatio
Sandi
Interestingly, a friend of mine also trans, but straight, has had several similiar experiences with men in their 30s and 40s. I'm just wondering if ignoring us is how people of both genders and sex deal with us trans people when the "OMG WTF AM I DOING DATING A TRANS PERSON???" realisation hits them.
Oh to make it extra-painful, texas girl herself is trans and she's doing this to me...