One Eunuch's Journey

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Last night Troy went to bed about an hour and a half before me. When I joined him in bed he woke up just enough to roll over and indicate that he wanted to hold me. I lay there in his arms, relishing the intimacy and thinking how nice it was to just cuddle, with no thought or expectation of sex. It wasn't the first time my thoughts have gone along those lines. Up to now I've enjoyed having a moderately active sex life with Troy, but recently I've found myself feeling relieved every night that he hasn't tried to initiate sex, and I'm feeling conflicted about that. I've known since my castration that the time could come when I would lose all interest and desire for sex, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that to happen just yet. It's not that I'm worried about losing Troy; he's made it clear that he would still love me even if he can't have sex with me. It's not a matter of feeling obligated to him, since he has 2-3 friends that he plays with so he has an outlet if I'm not interested. I think it's just that I can't imagine what a sexless relationship would be like, and I worry about the loss of intimacy. I mean, I know you can have intimacy without sex, but still it's a concern. If I truly am becoming asexual, I guess we'll adjust. I just thought this change would come years from now, if at all, and I'm not sure how I feel about it happening now.

[jako9999 (imported)]

Hi how about taking a small amount of T I now take 2.5mg of testim gel and I have gone from wanting sex all the time and masterbating 3 -4 times a day to my morning wood which soon goes down and no other erections all day unless my wife or I want it then we have to work at it, and I dont want it any more just every now and then. The change is amazing, try just 1mg per day for a couple of weeks and see what happens if nothing then up it to 2mg and so on.

I hope you sort it out.

Good luck.

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Last night Troy and I had an honest talk about my declining interest in sex. He reassured me that he's in love with me, not my dick or ass, and that as long as he can still cuddle and hold me he can live without a sexual component to our relationship. He pointed out that our open relationship allows him an outlet for his sexual urges, and that he understood when I became a eunuch that loss of sex drive was part of the package. We briefly discussed the possibility of going on hormones but agreed that's not the right path for me. We agreed that cuddling, snuggling, holding, etc. are more important than sex for maintaining intimacy. I feel somewhat better about the situation after our talk, although it is still an adjustment to get used to the idea of an asexual relationship. I'm sure I'll get used to it in time.

[Milkman (imported)]

This has actually taken many years , no? Your sex drive stayed quite high for a long time, if I remember some of your other comments

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

My sex drive was definitely higher than average for a no-T eunuch, which is one reason the change took me by surprise. I thought it would happen gradually but it seemingly happened all at once. One week I was happy to have sex and the next it was the last thing I wanted. It was very sudden which is why I'm finding it such a big adjustment.

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Today Troy left for work and got to the end of our street when the car died and wouldn't start again. The engine cranks but won't turn over. A very nice man helped him push it into an adjacent parking lot so it wouldn't be sitting in the street. Then he walked home and called a wrecker to have it towed in to the shop. As of now we have no idea what's wrong, how much it's going to cost to fix it, or for that matter how we're going to pay for it. Not to mention that we're stuck at home with no transportation until it's fixed. Blah!

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Well it turns out the timing belt broke on the car. Plus it bent some valves when it broke and those have to be repaired as well. Total cost $3200! We managed to borrow the money from Troy's parents and are going to pay them back as we can. They also discovered we need new motor mounts but that's an additional $400 that we couldn't come up with so that will have to wait. The car won't be ready until next Friday so we had to spend the money we had set aside for the car payment on a rental so Troy can get to work. Not sure how we're going to make that up. It's just frustrating and depressing that every time we have an emergency come up we have to go to one of our parents for help. We have got to build up a savings buffer somehow. Problem is we live paycheck to paycheck with no extra left at the end of the week so don't know how we can do that. It's a real dilemma and I don't know how we're going to solve it.

[Hash (imported)]

I am not a financial guru or even a good money manager myself, however, I have learned some tools that helped alleviate my financial problems. I work two jobs sometimes and try to put the extra money in a savings "no touch" account until I've accrued a thousand dollars. That's emergency money and emergency money only. I don't touch it unless my car breaks down, or washing machine goes on the fritz, or a bill comes in unexpectedly. Then, once I use a portion of the money, I replace it as quickly as I can. You might also look for some way to earn a little extra money on the side, open an ebay account, if you don't know how, you can find all the info you need on the internet. Go to yard sales, buy some items that you can resell on ebay to earn extra cash. Books are still popular with a lot of people. You can buy a book for .25-.50 cents and turn around and sell them on ebay for several dollars. It all adds up. Hope I've helped. Hash

P.S.

You've got to work harder sometimes to get ahead. People who open up new businesses sometimes work more than 80 hours a week, it takes hard work. I know you might not want to hear that, I certainly didn't, but I'm 54 and still working two jobs.

[EunuchAusTX (imported)]

Well we finally got the car back Tuesday after two weeks in the shop. Turns out it also needs a new high speed fan for the a/c but that's another $500 we don't have so that will have to wait. We may have to do without the a/c this summer to keep from overheating the engine. Hopefully that way we can nurse it along until next tax refund season.

On top of that I'm worried about my dad. I knew he was having some health issues but apparently they are more serious than he's been letting on. He needs surgery to relieve artery blockage in his legs but they can't do it until some problem with his kidneys is corrected. He's on medication for the kidney problem but it seems to be taking a long time to correct. The blockage is causing him a great deal of pain so he is also on pain killers. He also has a small hernia but again they can't operate until the kidney problem is fixed.

I'm also getting very depressed about how long it is taking to get a hearing on my social security disability application. It's been almost a year since I requested the hearing and still no word. The longer it takes the longer I am forced to rely on my dad for help with rent money. If something doesn't happen soon I may have to cancel the application and try to find a job that I can handle doing and that won't cause panic attacks. I don't know what kind of job that might be. I just know I'm feeling worse and worse about the situation as it is. I never dreamed it would take this long.

All in all this has not been a good month. Hope next month goes better. *sigh*

[Elizabeth (imported)]

Last night Troy went to bed about an hour and a half before me. When I joined him in bed he woke up just enough to roll over and indicate that he wanted to hold me. I lay there in his arms, relishing the intimacy and thinking how nice it was to just cuddle, with no thought or expectation of sex. It wasn't the first time my thoughts have gone along those lines. Up to now I've enjoyed having a moderately active sex life with Troy, but recently I've found myself feeling relieved every night that he hasn't tried to initiate sex, and I'm feeling conflicted about that. I've known since my castration that the time could come when I would lose all interest and desire for sex, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that to happen just yet. It's not that I'm worried about losing Troy; he's made it clear that he would still love me even if he can't have sex with me. It's not a matter of feeling obligated to him, since he has 2-3 friends that he plays with so he has an outlet if I'm not interested. I think it's just that I can't imagine what a sexless relationship would be like, and I worry about the loss of intimacy. I mean, I know you can have intimacy without sex, but still it's a concern. If I truly am becoming asexual, I guess we'll adjust. I just thought this change would come years from now, if at all, and I'm not sure how I feel about it happening now.

I think of things this way. Sex is a major part of any relationship, but not as a piece of the puzzle. Sex is the glue that holds everything else together. By itself it may not seem that like a loss, but sex allows us to tolerate those things about our loved ones that we might not without that sexual glue. While sex might not be the mainstay of your relationship, it affects every other part of the relationship. I would not want my partner having their needs met with someone else because then they have the glue and not me.

Elizabeth