Coming to terms with my fantasies.

[nobodyspecial (imported)]

Accepting what I am, and accepting my real physical limitations into my dream life, has been an epiphany. I can wander through my whole day with a big smile on my face, as in my imaginary world, I'm envisioning myself, more as I truly am, and who I truly want to be. Where the situation or relationship isn't building to a goal, the situation or relationship IS the goal. It is something more in tune with who I am as a person. It is no longer what I thought I should be as a person ( a being seeking some unattainable sexual stimulation).

Does that make sense to anyone else here?

Im ' new ' here. If my comment is unwelcome, please disregard it and my apology before hand.

It almost sounds as if your finally putting the ' ducks in line '. Seeing life for what it really is and accepting what has always been with you in your thoughts. Many people ( Including myself ) always ask ' Why cant things just work out for a change? ' and we never have that answer. Nobody ever has that answer.

You just might be 1 step ahead of the rest of us all. If so, I hope you continue this conversation as maybe more of us can find a relation to it and gain that ' step ' ourselves.

-Nobody.

[Cainanite (imported)]

This is something I've noticed recently. I sit and feel perplexed I cant tell the difference if I am asexual or bisexual... I guess what I want is attention and physical touch and if sex isn't in the picture then terms like heterosexual or homosexual doesnt really matter anymore. I still occasionally have sexual thoughts but I blame that on lowering my dose of Siterone but I still prolly shouldnt feel so guilty about it.

For me there is a subtle difference between asexuality and bisexuality. These are simply my own definitions.

With bisexuality, I imagine you have a desire to be physical and attain release with either or both sexes. Sex is the driving force, and I define sex as the desire for release. A need for some kind of orgasm.

With asexuality, I still wish to be physical, but it is a physical intimacy that is the goal, not a sexual release. Physical intimacy could simply be holding hands, or sharing a hug. Because there is no desire for sexual release, it only matters if the person I'm with cares for me too. Fitting sexual body parts together isn't in the equation. So it does not matter if it is a male or female partner.

I admit, I still desire romance. I'm a romantic at heart.

As I sit here, I'm not sure I have the language to describe what I am talking about. So much of the ideas of romance include sex and sexual foreplay, that it is hard for me to find a description that can untangle the two notions I'm thinking about.

I'll try it this way. I do not like french kissing. I've tried it, and I find the act disgusting. I do however, enjoy kissing very much. Two people's lips pressed together, kisses tracing the line of the neck down to the shoulder, very exciting. Add tongues waggling together, and swapping spit, and my stomach lurches.

I love a good massage, but the idea of a "happy ending" is just too much.

I guess there is a line for me, where romance crosses over to sex. Most people view romance as foreplay to sex. For me, romance is the goal, not a path to a goal.

In my definition, bisexual people experience romance as a path to sex.

For me, as an asexual, the romance is more than enough. I could happily live in a lifetime of romance, without ever taking the step to sex. I can be a great boyfriend, but I'll always be a piss poor lover. An innocent touch will always mean more to me than an orgasm.

I'm not sure I'm making much sense dividing the two notions. The difference between being attracted to both sexes, and not caring what sex someone is.

I feel like a hypocrite writing this stuff and admitting this stuff. In the story I am writing, there is a lot of sex happening. ( I mention my story because it is a kind of super complex fantasy of mine, meant to share with you all when it is done.) In my novel, the main character has sex with both male and female partners. It is his journey of discovery. In that story, those moments of release are very powerful, and meaningful to the character, in a way it has seldom been for myself in reality. I've tried to describe moments in my novel where the character finds equal meaning in a simple touch, or a shared moment. To me those moments are far more influential on the character's decisions and more greatly affect his journey than do the moments of sex.

The trap I've written for myself, is that there are so many more words to describe a sexual encounter. Words like; explode, burst, burn, erupt, symphony and dance. Descriptors like; vibrating, rising, crashing, sliding. Actions like; moaning, pawing, thrusting, stroking. So many words to describe the passionate encounter. So few to describe a simple touch.

I'm still discovering all this for myself, and perhaps as my story progresses, so it will for my main character. I hope so. So much of the story I'm writing has surprised me as I'm writing it. Between writing it, and my dialogs here on the EA, I am changing as a person. I'm starting to really understand what I am, and what I have always been.

If it weren't for the EA, I don't know where I'd be, or if I'd even be having these epiphanies. Thank you to everyone who have responded to me. You may not know it, but you've saved my life, and you've made me a better person too.

Getting my head around my own mind, and my own fantasies has been the most difficult part of my journey. I'm still figuring it all out, but it is a journey I'm glad I'm on.

[justjustin (imported)]

"

I do not like french kissing. I've tried it, and I find the act disgusting. I do however, enjoy kissing very much. Two people's lips pressed together, kisses tracing the line of the neck down to the shoulder, very exciting. Add tongues waggling together, and swapping spit, and my stomach lurches.

"

Me too. It;s against all the rules of hygiene we're taut.

But what you're talking about - a romantic relationship without sex. - That's a book I've just finished. It's about a eunuch castrated befiore puberty, so he has no sex, but he does wind up with a love and a permant relationship.

It;s funny. another book I have about a eunuch castrated before puberty says that he has lots of sex and likes it. That's Anne Rice, 'Cry to Heaven.' I liked it a lot but I like the new one better. It's called 'Not a Man' by MA McRae, but in his book, the eunuch has no sex. I don;t think a eunuch would be wanting sex, any more than a gelding or a wether or a dog that's been 'fíxed.'

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

It's a beautiful little story about two people finding a more passionate way to express their physical side, without penetration.

Thanks for the lovely comments about the story. I remember the gist of it, but don't really recall what I wrote, so maybe I will go back to my own archives soon and read it again.

I can however, just now, picture this moment, of us laying our heads on the others beating chest, totally engulfed in each others worlds.

In our world.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

Your discussion on physical intimacy being the goal is interesting. For me, sometimes I do just initially desire this, but then inevitably the sexual desire will take over. At times it can become annoying to even have the physical intimacy (if she doesn't want sex) because of this, so instead of just going backwards and forwards from soft to hard all the time it's perhaps 'better' to just have no touch at all.

I was reminded the other day the I went through a brief phase a year or two ago when I insisted on ejaculating as soon as I'd gotten up in the morning, thus having a free mind for the rest of the day. I don't really desire to do that now, as whilst I have my sex drive I still desire sex, and I can get it sometimes from my girlfriend - as a guy you are just expected to be ready to go whenever she is, sort of thing. Also, just wacking off in the morning doesn't make me totally free. If I then was with her a few hours later I'd still desire sex, but just would likely only be able to get half hard, which would be all the more frustrating for everyone concerned.

It needs to be a total removal of sex drive thing.

I've come to learn of how overpowering sexually the female touch is. Like with normal masturbation, there isn't usually a desire to do so for another 24 hours, but with a beautiful woman by your side this desire can return extremely quickly, like in 1-2 hours sometimes. Even now, I believe that any woman I was with, the sexual stuff would still overide other things; which is extremely annoying, to say the least.

It is a great point you make that so many of our ideas about romance include sex. In our movies almost always the big moment in the two getting together involves sex; rarely does it just involve two people reaching out and touching hands from across a table.

French kissing can be good for me somtimes, though my last 2 girlfriends have often used their tongues too much! Kissing of the neck is awesome! Actually just caressing of the neck is really lovely, and kissing of the facial checks I love.

The day is going too quickly; I sort of need to go now. Hope to write more again soon. Just on the touch description thing. Maybe something like this:

As he/she touched me, the loveliest tingling sensation ran up/down my spine.

Maybe others on the EA can contribute more stuff to describe touch rather than sex.