a fish that can't swim

[chibifish (imported)]

Please understand that I am terrible at communicating, in case of the likely event that anything I write simply confuses the heck out of people.

I don't know how relevant it is, but I should also point out that I am very visually impaired. May or may not help explain things that I aim to bring up.

And considering how I'm feeling right now, it'll probably take me weeks to finish this post. (Well, it's taken like twenty minutes to write these first three lines...)

Hm, since I'm having trouble figuring out where to begin, let me throw out a question:

What does it mean to know a person?

I'm not asking to try to start some sort of discussion questioning how humanity works, or anything. I seriously don't think I know the answer. How do people "get to know" each other? At what point do you think that someone knows you?

Rather than talk about the extremely painful E-drama that brings this up, I'll explain something that is ... somewhat amusing now (though was pretty painful while it was happening).

So, remember how I said I'm terrible at communicating? I didn't figure this out on my own.

I've been seeing speech pathologists for about three years now. The curriculum seems to involve constantly reminding me that conversations start with greetings, that it is a good idea to nod or ask questions to let people know that you're listening, and "How was your weekend? How about that weather? What are your hobbies?" are wonderful things to start a conversation with. ... I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if they mentioned this once or twice and were convinced that I knew these. But since fall 2008, this seems to have made up the majority of these sessions.

But they at least try to mix it up a bit. For instance, with a series of general "getting to know you" questions.

And the latest round of this brought up this gem:

"If you had three wishes, what would they be?"

Well, I've thought of that quite a lot, and... umm... that's a bit personal to be telling someone who I just met (Oh, did I mention? The therapists are all gradstudents, so I get a new one every semester.)

(I suppose it'd be silly not to tell all of you strangers, though, that first on my list would be a return to prepubescent form. . Because who gets three wishes and immediately thinks "world peace, an end to war famine and pestalence, and an emotionally manageable form of population control so that the lack of normal population control (like war, famine and pestalence) doesn't cause the world to fall apart"? )

Well, if there's one thing I've picked up about my style of communication, it's that I absolutely must do everything in my power to keep the mood light. Hence, I am so ficecious that sometimes I want to just destroy my sense of humor entirely. Wit and comedy are not what I want people to associate me with. (The various swordfighting club escapades aren't so bad, though tales of my awesomeness have been exaggerated. It's like I have to take out whole armies every week just to live up to the hype. ... That... only happened once. ... and a half.)

Hm, I don't generally try to brag about anything. People are impressed when they hear about how many languages I've studied. Eh, too bad those seven years of French haven't gotten me capable of comprehending natives in a natural setting. All that music I play/write? Oh, don't pretend you haven't heard much, much better. But I can't deny that the time I single-handedly obliterated the other team in swordplay was awesome.

I think those rare displays of awesome stick with people because of how much they contrast with my general tendency to do absolutely nothing.

I feel compelled to quote Castlevania's Dracula. "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!". I absolutely do not consider myself a man, but eh.

(Nah, I have an MP3 of that quote not for the philosophy factor, but because the delivery is so terrible it's funny.)

Well, I don't feel like I accomplished much, here, but my head is all disorganized and I don't think I could do much else right now (at least, not without sleeping all day...). So thanks for tolerating me.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

You accomplished quite a bit actually. Just read your post and found it amusing and interesting. Easy to tolerate

"tales of my awesomeness" - love the wording!

You are clearly writing freely here, which is what makes it good to read (IMO). It's just a ramble. So you aren't checking yourself too much.

How does it mean to know a person? is a difficult question. Like for example, in Australia recently there was a story about a loving husband who had his wife try to murder him (via her secret lover). The husband was adamant that this woman was the love of his life, etc. So perhaps we can never be 100% certain about knowing someone. In actual fact a better question may be, "How does it mean to know ones own self?" Is this 100% possible?

In saying that, I do believe that numerous people know me pretty dam well, and it's a bit vice versa, though I probably don't know as many people as well, as I have probably forced openess more onto people than vice versa.

I wouldn't think of those things if I got three wishes either

Though admittedly I would like to help the world out of it's population mess.

Wanting to destroy your sense of humor entirely...MEGA fail!

[Cainanite (imported)]

Hey chibifish,

I think you communicate just fine.

I had to laugh at you saying it took you twenty minutes to write your first three lines. I do that too. Often I get so consumed by trying to get my point across in the right way, I'll agonize about a single sentence for what seems like hours. As anyone who's read any of my posts will tell you, I tend to go on, and on. It's like I'm playing a game of ping-pong with myself, but instead of a ball, it is words I'm knocking back and forth. I wonder how many people skip my posts entirely, because I go on so long.

As to keeping the mood light in your communication, I don't think you have to tell jokes and be funny. You just have to remain positive. Choosing the positive over the negative makes people want to listen to you more.

Instead of saying something like, "I'm having a shitty day. I'm in a bad mood." (people tend to ignore negative statements like that.) You could say, "Hey, only an hour more to go to the end of the day. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow."

Instead of complaining about how crappy I feel, I've taken to saying things like, "I'm planning to be in a much better mood tomorrow."

People will usually respond with, "Oh yeah? What's going on tomorrow?" Suddenly a wild conversation appears. Cainanite used positive communication. It's Super Effective! (Sorry. Pokemon reference... Go ask a ten year old, if you don't know.)

The other little thing I've discovered to keep conversations moving, is to admit and own up to my own ideas. I used to try and hide my ideas with statements like. "I read some where..." or "I think someone said..." Now I say thing like, "I was just thinking..." or "I've got an idea, what do you think about..."

Trying to pawn my ideas off on an imaginary source because I was unsure of my own thoughts didn't help keep the dialog going. People could just say, "I don't think so." or "No, that's not right." and it would stall right there. When I admitted it was something I was thinking about, people would ask me why I thought that, or offer their own opinions. Got us talking about what we really thought. It was and is a great way to get to know someone. Occasionally you'll discover people think you have good ideas, and that is a big ego boost. When people offer counter ideas, you'll be free to incorporate their thoughts into your own. It's a great way to refine your communication skills. When you admit to your own thoughts and ideas, people are a lot less likely to say, "No, that sounds stupid." They are more likely to want to know why you think the way you do, and offer why they think the way they do.

Communication is like any skill you pick up. It takes practice. Just like your fencing, I'm sure you weren't so awesome before you started practicing. With practice comes confidence and skill. You don't have to know everything, just what works best for you.

I think you've already done a great job of starting a conversation here. I look forward to reading more.

[gunnutz (imported)]

You bring up some very good points, lots of people think they know me, but only one truly does, she managed to draw me out in a way that no one ever has before by making me want to share my deepest secrets. Get to know you questions are flawed because people tell white lies all the time, and people keep secrets.

Anyway i have serious communication issues myself, in conversation i trot off on random parallels and don't even realize that i didn't explain the first ten steps of getting to them out loud, my friends refer to it as my "randoms".

Anyway I think you communicated just fine and i enjoyed your post.

Cainanite I read your post and enjoyed it as well.

[Lasander (imported)]

What do you do for fun?

What music do you listen to?

What do you do on a typical friday night?

I dislike open-ended questions like these. Any book on communication i've read exalts open-ended questions as the key to communication. Sure, they are great if you are doing a study on something but when I am trying to use these questions to get to know someone all I receive are generic answers that go nowhere. I do the same when asked these questions because either the answer is too personal or so open ended I do not know how to answer.

I find that the best way to get to know someone is to allow them to be comfortable enough around me to volunteer information. If I put someone on the spot and ask an uncomfortable question they can just lie or avoid the question but if they are confiding in me then there is less reason to do so. I do the same thing. People will ask me questions I am uncomfortable with and I avoid it and I never tell anyone anything private about myself unless I trust them so the majority of people I know -think- they know me but only one person actually does...

I never asked my first roommate about his troubles in his love life--he just told me.

I never asked my only friend if she wanted to kill herself during that one time when she was unsure if her relationship was going to end--she just told me.

I never asked this girl I knew if she was embarrassed about having rape and age-play fantasies--she just told me.

I never asked this other girl I knew if she no longer finds her partner physically attractive--she just told me.

What do I do on fridays? Depends on my mood...how am I supposed to answer that question?

What kind music do I listen to? Do I answer this question in the form of genre or artists? Is it the music I am listening to now or all the music I have ever loved? And how does this help anyone gain insight about another person other than negotiating which radio station to listen to in the car?

What do you do for fun? Dont even get me started on that question.

I agree with Cainanite, staying positive really helps. Oh, and I only skip one long-winded poster and that person is not you.

For the longest time I thought it was a world conspiracy for people to ignore me but I've found they were just ignoring all the negative things I had to say which was all I could think about at the time because of my depression. Most of the loud outgoing people I know generally say positive things and the few loud negative people are usually viewed as annoying.

I also have a tendency to speak without completing my thought first so I freeze, mumble, and generally look stupid when I communicate. Sometimes I am allowed to stumble until I finish but most of the time the other person just changes the subject. Sometimes I also find myself really wanting to say something about a subject but it has already changed and I get stuck on that and spend the conversation thinking about how I can change the subject back to the original which makes for some awkward conversations.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

So many people will say "everything" when asked what music they listen to. Later you may find out that they don't like country, techno, hip hop and classical! Also, often there is embarrassment when mentioning who you like (as if it's a crime or something), when really it shouldn't matter much at all.

[gunnutz (imported)]

So many people will say "everything" when asked what music they listen to. Later you may find out that they don't like country, techno, hip hop and classical! Also, often there is embarrassment when mentioning who you like (as if it's a crime or something), when really it shouldn't matter much at all.

I do my best to not answer that question. I could point out a song from just about any genre that I enjoy, but i don't enjoy all genres equally. What does that make my "real" answer to that question?

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

I do my best to not answer that question. I could point out a song from just about any genre that I enjoy, but i don't enjoy all genres equally. What does that make my "real" answer to that question?

It makes your answer and actual taste in music likely different to most. It means that "everything" can sort of apply. Though come to think of it, even with me there is something in each genre that I can like. For example I generally largely dislike techno/dance music, but there is stuff within it that is okay, particularly if it is an artist who is from a typically different genre branching off a little into that (though that perhaps doesn't make it genuine techno - there isn't a techno artist that I particularly like persay); say an Emiliana Torrini remixes album is not too bad. Country is something that I wouldn't say I'm a fan of, yet I like a lot of folksy/accoustic stuff. There are no classical tracks that are in my top 50 favourites, but I like listening to it sometimes (I even went through a phase a while back where I'd often listen to the classical radio stations; maybe I should get back to that!) and can find it relaxing.

The bigger issue here is whether people feel comfortable with acknowledging who/what they like; I always wish for their to be less embarrassment felt within humans and the societies they live in.

So anyway, for what its worth, ten of my favourites are:

Art Of Fighting - lite, majestic, melodic, obscure pop (if that makes any sense). Epic balladry.

Angels & Airwaves - kind of mature punk/emo, majestic, positive, stadium rock.

Jimmy Eat World - also mature punk/emo, etc.

Emiliana Torrini - songbird, lite but sometimes powerful, accoustic, very poppy.

Oasis - pure Brit pop, genuine stereotypical rock, anthemic.

Roxette - dancey pop, guilty pleasure.

Miley Cyrus - definitely guilty pleasure!

Warren G - head nodding but can also be relaxing, G-Funk, very poppy.

The Streets - rap/spoken word, quite deep at times lyrically, often bordering towards techno too.

Billy Joel - classic piano pop.

All of the above are actually fairly accessible.

[chibifish (imported)]

Open-ended questions like that end with a lot of "Umm... I don't know... stuff...?" from me.

I write music and made a program so I could use my computer as an instrument when a real one isn't available, but I still avoid the "What kind of music do you like?" thing like the plague. "Umm... Sonic the Hedgehog has a nice soundtrack...?"

I came across an article that, while clearly meant to be more entertaining than anything, brought something up that... well...

6 classic kids' shows secretly set in nightmarish universes (http://www.cracked.com/article_19496_6- ... ure_module)

The section in question is on the second page, under the Smerfs.

Your childhood was fun because there were other kids around. You had pals to play kick the can and Rambo vs. Transformers with. The days when none of your friends were around were usually spent whining to your parents about how long it was taking for your friends to come back.

Which is patently untrue, at least for me. I only encountered other kids at school, or on extremely rare occasions in which it turned out one of my stempmother's friends happened to have a kid my age, or some random person with two girls was staying at my grandmothers for a few months.

(Or that one time between seventh and eigth grade when people got fed up with me refusing to grow up and sent me off to the school for the blind's summer program, where I was just young enough to be in the thirteen-and-under dorms. That didn't go quite the way they had hoped it would. )

This was not as depressing as it sounds in the context of the above quote. I was plenty good at entertaining myself.

Except that's apparently a terrible way to prepare for life after puberty (which is kinda like "Life After People", but backward). After all, I now spend most of my time either at the computer or in bed. Not that I didn't put some effort into changing this when I realized that something was amiss (which was about the time I joined here, at least on the social side of things. Before that I was trying and failing to continue what I had been doing before that.).

I think I somehow just implied that I should be a smerf.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

Thanks for the cartoon link Chibifish. Some cool memories. From my hazy memories of Scooby Doo I wonder if it should have been called Scooby Don't, as werent Scooby and Shaggy always the ones that were scared to go into the haunted houses to catch the crims, while the others then encouraged them to build up their courage and do so?!

I like most of the theme tunes to the cartoons. Below is a link to Darkwing Duck - which I had forgotten about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=375ENQbru8s

"Let's Get Dangerous." Awesome!

I agree with you that as kids we didn't necessarily have to be around others to have a good time. A lot of us had good imaginations and could just play our own games, I was able to amuse myself a lot, though also enjoyed the good companionship of neighbourhood friends that I hung out with on many occasions.

I was also fortunate to have a brother whom I got along with...most of the time

"

Except that's apparently a terrible way to prepare for life after puberty (which is kinda like "Life After People", but backward). After all, I now spend most of my time either at the computer or in bed. Not that I didn't put some effort into changing this when I realized that something was amiss (which was about the time I joined here, at least on the social side of things. Before that I was trying and failing to continue what I had been doing before that.).

"

This paragraph hits home quite a bit. Smurf you.

Sonic The Hedgehog soundtrack lol.

A lot of these cartoon lands were obviously hit by the GFC before we were