Bullying

[janekane (imported)]

In a world of groupthink mentality, whoever does not conform to groupthink will surely encounter efforts directed toward groupthink conformity. Bullying is, in my own personal experience, which I do not claim can be generalized so as to be applicable to anyone else, the basic, overt mechanism of building and maintaining groupthink.

My having effectively sought castration in 1986 in response to my sense of cancer risk surely is a pretty decent clue that I am not all that much of a groupthinker.

The more I was bullied, the stronger my resistance to groupthinking became. In a terrible way, my being bullied was horribly helpful to me in putting my life together.

Is that not of the essence of the benefits of intense tragedy?

[Riverwind (imported)]

How about that Australian kid who was being bullied, that finally had enough. Then well go look at the video its out there and easy to find.

River

[tugon (imported)]

I think there are different types of bullying. One of the interesting points they made on AC 360 was that today many bully to increase their status among their peers. Those that bully may have also been bullied by someone higher up the social ladder. Bullying is also less physical these days according to the show. They talked about girls having the worst times since they are bullied by boys and other girls. Girls tend not to bully boys as often.

In my case I was bullied physically by the young men and verbally by the young woman. I was bullied at a time when being gay was not very tolerated. I graduated in 1974 from a small catholic school. At school every one knew everyone and when my class decided in 7th grade that I was gay the abuse began. Another interesting point about the show was by senior year kids stop bullying because they are focused on the next stage of their lives. My abuse also stopped in senior year but I used to think they became bored with me.

The idea of fighting to stop the bullying I do not think would have helped in my situation. I could not have beat them tolerant. I would have had to fight about everyone. Fighting is a solution if you have one or two bullies but not against a large percentage of the school. Two of my classmates were closeted and they were as nasty to prove they were not gay. The guidance counselor who is also a closeted gay man walked past me several times while I was being abused. He never offered me any help. I was mocked by a priest in class for being less than manly.

When I was bullied it was at class change when the boys would circle around me and punch me as I walked to the next class. This happened at every class change and everyday. Of course being called names was very much a part of it. As the abuse grew spitting on me was added to their list of fun things. Girls were just verbally cruel. Running up with a girls uniform and asking if I forgot mine.

I think I was easy to bully because my father had been a bully to me. He would hit me and enjoyed scaring me. He would make fun of me in front of others. Whenever dad was around I walked on egg shells and was already to duck and cover. As I have mentioned mom never bonded with me so I never had much emotional support from her. So between a lack of sense of self and low esteem that I was an easy target to spot.

[Riverwind (imported)]

I know that my brother was bullied, that is until he grew into his shoes. He was about 6ft at 13 and a little fat, by 18 he was 6' 4 and would give as good as he got. He liked western cloths, wore cowboy boots, which made him about 6' 7" 240lbs, people would still fuck with him until he got up.

It does not seem that he has been gone 25 years, I just realized how much I still miss him.

River

[tugon (imported)]

Thank you for sharing. I hope you continue to heal and can find your own circle of friends.

I still have problems integrating with groups. In school I was always shoved out of groups(sometimes physically shoved) and if I wasnt ignored I was picked on or randomly punched or shoved. Girls would pick on me as well often by pretending to be nice to me to get close and then finding a way to hurt me emotionally. Only the boys got physical and I was terrified of getting in a fight as I was small and weak. Fights broke out frequently and I wanted no part of that. Even the fighting in my school was group based sometimes,although,those kind of fights typically were whites vs mexicans...in 8th grade...

I eventually withdrew from -everyone- and thats when the teasing stopped. The columbine shootings probably helped as well since after that the only crap I got from people was that they thought I was going to-one day-bring a sawed off shotgun to school under the trench-coat that I wore all year. I had no intentions of doing such but I kept quiet since that seemed to be the only thing protecting me.

Even today I only feel safe when I am completely alone--rejecting everyone I care about as well as the ones I dont. I am trying to kick that habit but I've been so stoic and friendless for long that I feel emotionally/socially stunted and I have to go around learning social skills that most people learned 10+ years ago. I have recently became close with my family and they tell me I put on this mask that hides my real self. I just dont know how to take that mask off.

[justjustin (imported)]

This is awful, how some people get picked on. I just don't gete noticed much - thank god.

[tugon (imported)]

I am always happy for someone who can speak of junior and high school with fond memories. I cannot relate but I am happy for them. I used to worry when adults would tell me these would be the best years of my life. I am so glad they were as wrong as I thought they were. It get's better.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

I got picked on by a very few also.

When my kid came to me last year and told me two boys were bullying him, I took him to a guy in karate who is built like the proverbial brick shithouse. A fire plug of a guy. It turns out he was bullied also. He gave my boy some advice. Then I went to his school and told them the problem. They jumped on it instantly and arranged a meeting with me, my kid and the two boys who bullied him.

That ended the problem on the spot. The requirement was a good enough relationship with a parent that the child can tell them and a parent who will do something. I try to maintain a good relationship with my kids (although I am gone a fair amount of the time), which I really did not have with my Dad.

[moi621 (imported)]

I just took the punches but, did not give in.

Giving in empower them.

Moi

It was the 50's. It was normal. Ref.: Christmas Story

Has Bullyism changed since then?

[Peter47-NL (imported)]

I have been bullied a lot as a child, but fortunately I have forgotten most of it and by the time the bitterness about it has reduced to a minimum. But I remember boys yelling mean words to me, calling me a girl and giving me a girls name. I remember the boys persued me, were beating me and I did not struck back, just wondering why they were doing this to me. Once a boy was after me on his new bicycle and then I throwed a stone before his front wheel and he chucked down on the street. I was shocked by the result of my act because he was hurt and his new bicycle was damaged.

It were not only the schoolboys who were bullying. There was also a teacher who used to say humiliating words. I remember a very fine one: "And of course the worst essay is again written by Peter." The next year with another teacher I always had good grading maks for my essays.