Constant Possibilities & Risk Taking

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

I have documented a little on these boards, of my keeness for the chase nowadays of the female, for what I guess I would say are mostly sexual motives. I just don't care anymore really, and feel that if society insists on me retaining my sex drive, then I am going to behave like so; like a man.

To some extent my attitude to the world is: "Have you got a problem with that?"

Work is often an interesting place for me. I tend to get along well (and have more to do) with the less attractive women, while others I have hit on, despite having less connection with. I would say that I am more vane than ever before. But I would also say that I don't require a great deal of emotional connection/atachment anymore, so all that is left is the sex drive thing. My heart isn't really mine nowadays, so therefore I look for other women, for just their appearance.

And I don't even feel guilty - which I always used to; even when really I probably shouldn't have.

I got away with my massive attempt to 'bed' the hottest woman at my work. Now (6 weeks or so later) we seem okay, and can say hello and stuff comfortably enough (the other morning she even followed me into the kitchen and made casual conversation). I have sent her no emails since my asking of her to meet me after work for sex, only a facebook message a while later (which has never been replied to) which was an apology. Yes, I felt bad if I'd caused her any discomfort - which it appeared that I clearly had - but the rest was just fake. I didn't feel much guilt for what I'd done, as I saw it as just being a man. I just said the other stuff as I wanted very much not to lose my job.

The bigger issue I felt was not with her actually, but with a work friend of hers (who is quite a confrontationalist and often negative person) who I felt found out about it and didn't take too kindly to my actions, and perhaps also my going for the other girl rather than her, when we actually had a bit of a connection (she has a wacky sense of humour which is fun sometimes). This I can take from her posts on facebook (one was something like, "game on bitches" and then "it may not happen immediately, but I will win") and from the icy environment that seemed to exist (plus she suddenly started to spend a huge amount of time with the other girl - who by the way seems totally nice and without a bad bone in her body) around us. Now we suddenly seem to be able to laugh again, and this week especially has been cool around her. It's possible that she is just playing her own game, but I also don't see the point in forever worrying about people being against you, or out to get you. It really isn't worth the worry. In the early aftermath of my actions I weighed up the situation of everything that I did being revealed to management, and I decided that I'd be totally open about it, and about me - it would have been a complete coming out party. My second book, I feel, would have been revealed.

The friend of the hot girl is an interesting character. I feel that she is very intelligent and I think has lived an interesting life. Though I think that she is a bit of a general hater of maleness, and obviously of our obsession with sex; yet as a major contradicition, she wears almost nothing on her legs each day, even in the middle of winter. Yep, she is a major fan of mini skirts, which certainly has gotten others tongues wagging at times!

She is also with a guy who is much less attractive than her. She is playing the safe option.

The original woman that I hit on at work is someone who I actually feel a lot less physically attracted to now. She had botox stuff done at one point - that stuff doesn't help. Yet we are getting along pretty well most of the time nowadays. She has just started seeing a lesser attractive man (safe option), but very sensible, as I was only interested in her for sex; not that I lied about that at all. In fact it was probably my brutal honesty with it that caused some issues.

Our 'relationship' has entertained others that's for sure. Nothing more so than the hickies and tie scandal. At one point she threatened to complain to management about my hickies (about 2 months ago), and then she actually went ahead and did it! My Customer Care boss must have felt so embarrassed calling me in! But I have worn a tie sometimes because of that, which has caused problems in itself, because others get angry at me for not standing up for her - it's been a catch 22 a lot of the time.

Then there is another woman who I have made careful enquiries with. She comes across as really nice and is quite beautiful, despite being in her late 30's. She is not liked by some people though, as she has now had 3 failed relationships with people linked to the company (two in the office). There is no way that she will have a casual fling with me even though we might really enjoy it, but in saying that there are always those constant possibilities that run around a guys mind.

Some say that we can't or don't take no for an answer, which is partly true. But there is always the chance that a woman can change her mind, since her decision to have sex with you is based far more than on just wanting to get off, and I know now that I am handsome. And there is something here that complicates matters further. In a woman's mind, she can fluctuate on whether she wants to be with you, so in her mind a man can be changing his opinion on this too. This may be a reason for why even the most beautiful women regularly need to be told by their man that they are hot and desirable. Perhaps a woman asks herself, "I know I was beautiful yesterday, but what about today?" And so this is where the situation with the hottest woman for me becomes further complicated. There would be the slight possibility that she now wants to be with me (I just sense something, plus before all of this she did wink at me a couple of times, seriously), but it would again be up to me to take the major risk and go after her, for anything to potentially happen. There are other factors too, with me probably seeming to be quite erractic on facebook. I couldn't tell people about the hot girl that I was now dating for quite a while, because my old girlfriend was still on there and my new girlfriend didn't want our behaviour to be revealed. Then we have since 'broken up' 3 times I think, with her deleting me from her facebook due to her continuing on with lying to her former boyfriend overseas (who hacked into her account on occasions and did the deleting at least once) that they would still be together one day (she could even still be lying as I am not on her most populated facebook page, though I don't care much - she is free to do what she likes and be with who she likes; I am not going to chain her down). Her relationship with him seems very deep - it could even be like mine with The Girl; which just shows how much humans are intent on self destruction.

For me, if this relationship fails I will likely make a push for Sweet & Sexy. We have something pretty cool, and I don't believe that it can happen with The Girl with my sex drive remaining alive. That's not how it is meant to be.

But now that others are aware that I am dating this hot girl, it most likely makes me a more attractive proposition - which could include to the hot girl at work, who is friends with me on facebook (she added me; I think she is just a bit naive in the guys can't be friends thing - and honestly almost always offends). My girlfriend even commented the other day on how good I was in the sack; quite silly of her really. It will just make me more appealing to others.

There is a grand contradiction in society. We expect men to live with their high sex drives (which desire a great deal many women), while we largely expect women to keep their legs closed. It is a total bullshit double standard of society that says that when we have sex that the man is the winner and the woman the loser. Why don't we (and this is women as well as men) try to make women feel more comfortable about getting in the sack? If I was to get with the attractive late 30's woman, then many men would be wanting to give me high 5's (though I don't really understand that either - there is no point in boasting to men, but possibly to women as it turns them on and increases your options...potentially). The women? They'd likely view the woman as just a slut and she would want to crawl into a hole even more than what she wants to right now (she has dealt with the recent break up quite well I believe). What a RIDICULOUS double standard.

So when I have emailed her she has sometimes replied with enthusiasiam. But when I called her a "yummy mummy" there was nothing. It's probably mostly because she ain't interested in just having a fling, with me having a girlfriend and all, but society could also be to blame.

I am proud of these posts tonight, and hope to keep up the good work!

[Riverwind (imported)]

You may have found the answers that brought you here in the first place, way to go.

If you would like we could put this in a blog and you could just use it to post your thoughts as you go along. Send me a note if your interested.

River

[nullorchis (imported)]

I aim to be kind and complementary. Greg has many great thoughts and ponderings. I remember when I use to think and ponder a lot. Eventually I evolved from that and instead of thinking about life, what was, what is, what might be, how I wished things to be different, I just said hell with it and thought less and lived more. Life changed for the better as I acquired more experiences and thought less.

[A-1 (imported)]

Relationships with co-workers can blow up in ways that are totally unpredictable and catastrophic. I would not recommend forming sexual relationships with co-workers because even ending such relationships can cause problems.

But what the heck. Live and learn and have some fun "doing it". However, remember that you are also "fooling around" with your employment.

...And for God's sake never, ever "do it" on company time, especially if they have surveillance cameras because they can always install one that you do not know about.

[Riverwind (imported)]

I had a policy that I lived by my whole working life, Never mix business with pleasure. Meaning I never socialized with people I worked with, they were friends at work not to be confused with friends and family. When you try to play mix and match it will often come back and bit you in the ass.

River

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

Thanks for the advice peeps.

River, it is perfectly fine to place this thread into a blog instead, if that's where you think it fits best. I'd be the first to admit (or actually perhaps 2nd behind you lol) that my writing tends to be suited to a blog format (with my penchant for rambling) rather than a more even handed conversational forum thread (since I probably don't take enough interest in the ramblings of others!).

I think that finding the answers that bought me here in the first place (so rediscovery) is largely pointless (though nothing is totally without a point), since there's a good chance that I will get trapped where I am in life. But even if my life ended up being one partly based on regret, I think that I would always find some solace on boards such as these, where interesting conversation can always be had.

I'm not saying that my future is looking particularly bleak or anything, but I could always end up in a totally loveless relationship; especially if heaps of my truth was revealed after being trapped.

Nullorchis (thank you so very much for your compliments, means a lot mate) - I am thinking less now (or at least analysing my thinking a little less obsessively), and instead of always thinking of what might be, saying hell with it; at least quite a lot. I think it's healthy to keep dreams though, so yes I still dream sometimes, but I don't hold myself back because of what might be. I think this is what you mean.

I don't think that my previous holding myself back existence was worse than where I'm currently at. It was maybe better. It is difficult to compare because the situations are so different - having no physical girlfriend for many years to having three on top of each other. What I have learned is that it hasn't helped me masturbate less (which is surprising), and generally how much I've masturbated has been a good guide to my level of happiness, at least to my understanding.

I think that you are looking for a famous Australian quote (feel free to add it to your signature!). John Kennedy (AN Australian football coach rather than an American president) once said; "Don't think, don't hope, just do!"

A-1 and River - I agree that it is not sensible to try things with my co-workers, certainly now. I don't agree that it should never be tried, as some relationships can be above the importance of the job (so it has to have the potential to be a proper relationship rather than just a fling).

"Never do it on company time." Would never happen - only in porn!

Just an extra thing to add. One thing that I thought about the other day was that with all 3 women who have opened their legs to me without directly asking for payment, I have let them know on our very first meeting that I was very much into them in that way. It's a mistake (or blessing if you look at it in different ways) that I made with basically all other women. This could get back to the evolutionary need of a woman to be highly valued by her man in that way in order to highly value herself, and well as the fact that she can then use sex as a control mechanism. All women that I tried to value as friends first I never ever had sex with.

It can also get back to even the most beautiful women being needed to be reminded of their beauty regularly - which I would never have done previously out of feeling guilty for liking them too much physically rather than for other more meaningful reasons.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Making this a blog is up to you, and even though I could figure it out its best if you request it from either Paolo or Kristoff. (they will get me for that)

River

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

I am in potential risk taking mode.

One thing that I am noticing now in my dead relationship (and noticed in my one from last year) is that when your woman moves into hating you mode, then there is really nothing that can be done about it. And it's ALWAYS to do with the differences in wants/needs physically and emotionally of men and women in sex. I ALWAYS get back to the same thing.

In some ways it is really hard for me to see why others can't see what I can see.

It will have to be me that ends it. I think this gets back to a womans need to take the moral high ground (which is why I am so attractive nowadays to some women, because I am not very ethical lol). It is ridiculous really. Some will push and push and push and then when you end it ask, "what do you mean it's over? Was something wrong?"

ALL negativity gets back to sex. I may have mentioned this on occasion...

In actual fact my current girlfriend shouldn't love me anyway, but that is not my point here.

If a woman wants you to be wrong, with everything that you do with them, then you will be.

Today she was taking up one and a half seats of a three seat couch. I sat on the far side (we don't touch each other hardly at all now - she used to be all over me; only wanted sex all the time initially to win me as her boyfriend, then to try to get pregnant and trap me - the thing about the trap is that that doesn't mean that they win you at all; they are just subjecting themselves to a loveless life relationship, self-destruction), which could be offensive. It could also be offensive to move her over a little and sit beside her.

A week ago I was ridiculously bored with her in the city. It was a forced late night, even though I had work the next day and also would have much preferred this time to write. As we sat in the foyer of a hotel waiting for her parents, I asked if I could sleep at her place instead of having to drive back to my parents before hitting the hay. She said that this was not a good idea, as I wouldn't be wanting much sleep if I slept with her (which was very true; I was keen to get it on even though I was tired). Anyway, just as we finally got back to her place she said I could sleep over. So we went to bed, weren't in an intimate atmosphere or anything - after some hesitation I went to hug her a bit, nothing happened so I pulled away. Straight after she left the room, and didn't return for ages.

About 2 weeks ago there were a couple of occasions where she really went hammer and tongs with me without a condom. Each time I pulled out (after admittedly being very close to the edge; very lucky), went and put a condom on without her asking, and then finished the job. Also about 3 weeks ago she declared that she felt pain sometimes when using a condom (another time when I'd put one on after starting without). I revealed to her that I had some lubricant; but this she has never used.

She is not meant to be trying to get pregnant. She is meant to be studying to be a nurse. But I think this is a part of more human self-destruction. We were drifting further and further apart - and because I am a cool guy who is not needy - so her action is to try to trap me (even though I am certainly not worthwhile to win at present; and am unwinable in the true sense anyway) rather than sensibly dumping me. It's not like she's desperate either. She could get squillions of guys.

So anyway, if I did get her pregnant just now, then she could crack it with me for letting it happen, saying that I'd ruined her career and that she didn't want kids yet (in fact she even half jokingly said early on that she didn't want them at all). At the same time she can take the opposite view, declaring how could I pull out of those loving sexual exchanges when it was clear that I wanted you to come inside of me? Why, don't you love me?

No I do not, and yes, this is partly my fault, since I did write some rather nice things to her early on in our relationship. But I will add this:

Do not ever think that a man is the right one for you if he pays you directly for just sex, or if he wins you over by/whilst treating another woman (my previous girlfriend) like shit who clearly loved him (for illogical reasons or not). If you do think this in either case then you are an idiot.

My best advice to women: Even though it is naturally a put off, give the needy boy a chance. Ask yourself the question, "Why is the needy boy needy?" Because he is emotionally available. "Why is the non needy boy not needy?" It's most likely because he is in love with another, and also that he believes that that other loves him.

Giving the needy boy a chance doesn't necessarily mean throwing yourself into a physical relationship with him. To me, it just means not ignoring him when he really needs you.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Try looking in a different place for your next lady. Quit doing the same thing over and over, then being disappointed that you get the same result.

River

[JesusA (imported)]

Remember that one of the definitions of insanity is

doing the same thing over and over

again and expecting different results. You need to cast your net wider. Rather than women you meet at work, why don't you look for an attractive woman who shares your love of bicycling, or a nice young woman who is interested in the same sort of literature as you are.