Guilt and shame - negative consumers of our psychological energy

[Caith721 (imported)]

In another (now-closed) thread, JaneKane said:

In the Theory of Everything that I may have stumbled upon, there are some curious features. Guilt is a delusion, and, furthermore, is a stunningly addictive delusion. Shame is an affective brain state produced by the presence of the delusion of guilt.

I think I recall a story of Galileo Galilei,who, when asked how he came upon scientific findings others before him had not found, answered to the effect that others had been looking in the wrong place.

In any event, I find, in my licensed capacity as a Wisconsin Registered Professional Engineer, and find without deception, that guilt, as a neurological process, cannot be other than a delusion, and that this is so regardless of how many billions of people for how many thousands of years have believed otherwise.

I'm driven to comment, because a major turning point in my life occurred when I threw off all the guilt and shame heaped upon me for many years by my devout Roman Catholic mother. I'm not accusing or projecting, and I'm not being anti-religion here, especially not against any particular faith. At a very early age, I was told that my transgender nature was shameful and not to be expressed. Consequently, any time (and it was often) my feminine self demanded expression, I was left with feelings of guilt because I was told differently and shame because I should have left those feelings behind. But in my late 20s and early 30s I finally realized that shame and guilt were incredibly useless wastes of my emotional, psychological, and spiritual energy. I grew tired of hating who and what I was as an individual, and chose instead to love and embrace my feminine side. It was as if tons of weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I began to feel and live better in work and life, and I was happier with myself. After years of experiencing this positive effect, I was determined never again to let the useless wastes of guilt and shame hold me back.

My spouse thinks I have absolutely no feelings of shame or guilt regarding anything. But she is wrong. She sees the world in extremes, with very little room for any shades of gray. If I were to kill or harm someone wrongfully, I would feel terrible guilt and shame. When I make a mistake, I privately experience a small amount of shame, then accept the realization and publicly take responsibility, correct the mistake, and move on. There is no prolonged dwelling on the mistake, nor is there shame afterwards. We can never undo or change anything we have done and felt in the past. But we can do better and feel better in the present, and make a better life for ourselves. Making a better present gives us a better past.

Thank you JaneKane for posting your theory.

[devi (imported)]

In another (now-closed) thread, JaneKane said:

I'm driven to comment, because a major turning point in my life occurred when I threw off all the guilt and shame heaped upon me for many years by my devout Roman Catholic mother. I'm not accusing or projecting, and I'm not being anti-religion here, especially not against any particular faith. At a very early age, I was told that my transgender nature was shameful and not to be expressed. Consequently, any time (and it was often) my feminine self demanded expression, I was left with feelings of guilt because I was told differently and shame because I should have left those feelings behind. But in my late 20s and early 30s I finally realized that shame and guilt were incredibly useless wastes of my emotional, psychological, and spiritual energy. I grew tired of hating who and what I was as an individual, and chose instead to love and embrace my feminine side. It was as if tons of weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I began to feel and live better in work and life, and I was happier with myself. After years of experiencing this positive effect, I was determined never again to let the useless wastes of guilt and shame hold me back.

My spouse thinks I have absolutely no feelings of shame or guilt regarding anything. But she is wrong. She sees the world in extremes, with very little room for any shades of gray. If I were to kill or harm someone wrongfully, I would feel terrible guilt and shame. When I make a mistake, I privately experience a small amount of shame, then accept the realization and publicly take responsibility, correct the mistake, and move on. There is no prolonged dwelling on the mistake, nor is there shame afterwards. We can never undo or change anything we have done and felt in the past. But we can do better and feel better in the present, and make a better life for ourselves. Making a better present gives us a better past.

Thank you JaneKane for posting your theory.

Everyone, both male and female have a feminine side. Some of us are more obvious is all. So if the choir director selects my voice to sing on the alto-soprano (the "feminine") side of the group of singers would that make me any less of a person? Should I have to be made to feel ashamed of that? And exactly one what certain point is it that I would be guilty of? Actually in my experience the Catholics seem to be somewhat more accepting than many other religious groups. And of course when you are young-looking and always "clean-shaven" most religious groups will always accept you whereas you would never fit into most macho groups (i.e. bikers, mechanics, construction, etc). However both types of groups are very guilt based whether they realize it or not. And you are so much the better for understanding the true nature of real guilt. So you are the one that is so much less burdened by having had ditched all the unnecessary guilt.