Name change
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punkypink (imported)
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Re: Name change
Reading Jessica's post, I am torn between agreeing with her advice with regards to its pragmatism, and being aghast at how the advice in essence validates our current misguided practice of judging who someone is on the inside on the basis of how they physically look on the outside. I don't really know what else to say, because it is good advice for today, but advice for today is also what keeps today from becoming tomorrow for that much longer. When I see stuff like that... I can only feel despondant and hopeless.
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punkypink (imported)
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Re: Name change
As for hungrycat, I'd suggest in lieu of anything better, you might as well keep your current name. When I first transitioned I picked a name I thought I liked... but never got used to calling myself that (it was Fiona, if you must know).
It just didn't feel like a name that suited me. In the end, it was my current name that found me. Friends remarked that I looked, dressed, and thought like Emily the Strange, and started calling me Emily. Even without that connection, Emily just seemed so much like a name that was "me", and it stuck.
It just didn't feel like a name that suited me. In the end, it was my current name that found me. Friends remarked that I looked, dressed, and thought like Emily the Strange, and started calling me Emily. Even without that connection, Emily just seemed so much like a name that was "me", and it stuck.
Re: Name change
Lots of good replies here, but the big one I see is this: the therapist works for YOU. He/She does not work AGAINST you.
A name is something, that regardless of how you feel about them, was given to you at birth by your parents.
Who said that a name HAS to be assigned as masculine, feminine, or neuter?
Why is it some names like Kelly, Shannon, variations of Sam, Pat, and the whole plethora of them can go either way?
Why can't any name go either way?
With all the rest that is involved in a gender issue such as this, why is the NAME so important right now?
Janekane makes another good point. Was Jane there in reverse-drag or not? If the persona is "eunuch", then what does it matter?
If you're MtF, granted, I can see the problem with society addressing a lady as "Harry", though...
Just my thoughts on this issue before my mind began to wander, or wonder, whichever!
Still, dump the therapist.
A name is something, that regardless of how you feel about them, was given to you at birth by your parents.
Who said that a name HAS to be assigned as masculine, feminine, or neuter?
Why is it some names like Kelly, Shannon, variations of Sam, Pat, and the whole plethora of them can go either way?
Why can't any name go either way?
With all the rest that is involved in a gender issue such as this, why is the NAME so important right now?
Janekane makes another good point. Was Jane there in reverse-drag or not? If the persona is "eunuch", then what does it matter?
If you're MtF, granted, I can see the problem with society addressing a lady as "Harry", though...
Just my thoughts on this issue before my mind began to wander, or wonder, whichever!
Still, dump the therapist.
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hungrycat (imported)
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Re: Name change
Thank you all for your words ^-^
My computer is a bit odd so I lost everything I just typed so i will try again now.
As I live in a smallish town I don't have many options with this area as I am seeking help from the NHS (UK) I agree with the rest of you but dont understand why the name thing is such an issue for the therapist. He stated today that he cant force me or encorage me to change my name but it will be needed at some point to adhear to the rules needed to gain funding ect "living full time in the gender role". (This is a generalization of the discussion).
Also I have previously been on hormones and T blockers for three years. (not currently taking as no money to pay for them.)
All I want is to live (now.. not in years to come) as I wish to, living in a feminine role and just need some help to get there.
*-*
My computer is a bit odd so I lost everything I just typed so i will try again now.
As I live in a smallish town I don't have many options with this area as I am seeking help from the NHS (UK) I agree with the rest of you but dont understand why the name thing is such an issue for the therapist. He stated today that he cant force me or encorage me to change my name but it will be needed at some point to adhear to the rules needed to gain funding ect "living full time in the gender role". (This is a generalization of the discussion).
Also I have previously been on hormones and T blockers for three years. (not currently taking as no money to pay for them.)
All I want is to live (now.. not in years to come) as I wish to, living in a feminine role and just need some help to get there.
*-*
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punkypink (imported)
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Re: Name change
Curiously, you said "feminine role". My question is, what is your aim? To live as a man in a feminine role? Or to live as a woman? The distinction here between being a woman, and being in a feminine role, is that being a woman means people simply see you as a woman regardless of how you behave what you do, while a feminine role is what society traditionally associates with the female gender's role in society(such as being a stay-home parent, doing "soft" jobs like nursing).
For example, a woman driving a truck and being the sole bread-winner of the family, doing what is traditionally a "masculine role" is no less seen as a woman. She is a woman in a "masculine role".
Conversely, a man who stays home, takes care of the household chores, is the stay-home parent, could be seen to be living in a "feminine role". He however, is no less a man for the role he lives.
That will be something you need to think about. If there is one thing I've noticed over the years is that due to society's past perceptions about gender roles, there are people who aren't transgendered, but are misled into thinking they are, just because they're not the "right" personality according to social beliefs (such as masculine women and feminine men). A female fighter pilot does not automatically become a man for doing what she does. Lesbians, tomboys, all do not fit a traditional view of how women should be in society, but aren't automatically men.
I in fact, know of trans people who were in the right gender role for their physical sex, but nonetheless identifies as being of the opposite gender(butch MtF women, femme FtM men) and you know what? It's perfectly logical. If there are cis gendered people who're butch women and femme men, of course there will be butch women and femme men who're trans gendered.
So have a think about it. As for your therapist, all I can say is he is hampered by the archaiac rules written by the medical community from a by-gone age where society was still at a stage where they believe sex decided gender and when trans genderism was unfairly medicalised. That is how the rules were written unfortunately, and I don't think there is a way around it. I'd guess part of your reluctance is because you're not living openly socially as a woman. I'd like to tell you however, that the transitional stage where you sort of look between the genders is always the hardest part, and the sooner you dive into it and get thru it, the sooner you can start living as who you really are. As for a name however.... like I mentioned earlier, names find you, and it is my belief that a name that is "you" will find you eventually.
As fo
For example, a woman driving a truck and being the sole bread-winner of the family, doing what is traditionally a "masculine role" is no less seen as a woman. She is a woman in a "masculine role".
Conversely, a man who stays home, takes care of the household chores, is the stay-home parent, could be seen to be living in a "feminine role". He however, is no less a man for the role he lives.
That will be something you need to think about. If there is one thing I've noticed over the years is that due to society's past perceptions about gender roles, there are people who aren't transgendered, but are misled into thinking they are, just because they're not the "right" personality according to social beliefs (such as masculine women and feminine men). A female fighter pilot does not automatically become a man for doing what she does. Lesbians, tomboys, all do not fit a traditional view of how women should be in society, but aren't automatically men.
I in fact, know of trans people who were in the right gender role for their physical sex, but nonetheless identifies as being of the opposite gender(butch MtF women, femme FtM men) and you know what? It's perfectly logical. If there are cis gendered people who're butch women and femme men, of course there will be butch women and femme men who're trans gendered.
So have a think about it. As for your therapist, all I can say is he is hampered by the archaiac rules written by the medical community from a by-gone age where society was still at a stage where they believe sex decided gender and when trans genderism was unfairly medicalised. That is how the rules were written unfortunately, and I don't think there is a way around it. I'd guess part of your reluctance is because you're not living openly socially as a woman. I'd like to tell you however, that the transitional stage where you sort of look between the genders is always the hardest part, and the sooner you dive into it and get thru it, the sooner you can start living as who you really are. As for a name however.... like I mentioned earlier, names find you, and it is my belief that a name that is "you" will find you eventually.
As fo
how they get anywhere? The answer to that is "with great difficulty". Society is at a stage where it can barely see past the fact that sex does not decide gender, nevermind the whole new complication of people whose genders are not within the 2 major dichotomies. If after you've considered my earlier point, and find that you could be other-gendered... well all I can say is good luck.hungrycat (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:21 pm r people who do not identify with male or female....
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janekane (imported)
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Re: Name change
In reviewing my life, now of more than 72 years, I observe that I have always lived as "other gendered," and have been met with mild to catastrophic abuse from some other people as an apparent direct consequence of so living.
Alas, I do not find that I have lived a live with great difficulty; it is those who have attempted to "convert" me to their beliefs who are the ones I observe to have lives with great difficulty.
Else, why would they have gone to such terrible bother attempting to make me into someone I am not ever going to be?
What can possibly have happened in the lives of those who deny their individuality and their individual validity, and attempt to vehemently coerce someone like me into comparable self-deception?
There are aspects of what "society" deems "feminine" that I find useful, aspects deemed "masculine" that I find useful, aspects which are both or neither which I find useful; and what I find useful is rather dependent upon what is happening in my life and my life environment.
For me, the practicable alternative to being other-gendered would be self-hatred of such intensity as I would not survive.
Alas, I do not find that I have lived a live with great difficulty; it is those who have attempted to "convert" me to their beliefs who are the ones I observe to have lives with great difficulty.
Else, why would they have gone to such terrible bother attempting to make me into someone I am not ever going to be?
What can possibly have happened in the lives of those who deny their individuality and their individual validity, and attempt to vehemently coerce someone like me into comparable self-deception?
There are aspects of what "society" deems "feminine" that I find useful, aspects deemed "masculine" that I find useful, aspects which are both or neither which I find useful; and what I find useful is rather dependent upon what is happening in my life and my life environment.
For me, the practicable alternative to being other-gendered would be self-hatred of such intensity as I would not survive.
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devi (imported)
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Re: Name change
I too have been through a lot of what janekane has been through. Though not "autistic" whatever that really is, I was ostracized actually for several reasons mongrel (extremely derogitory for mixed "race"), puny little runt and made to have to be more "macho" per my dad, bothers and society at large. Looking back I really do feel that I missed something (actually quite a bit) and I'm still wading through it all.
Anyway I am reading a book "Castrati, Eunuchs") that although he distinguishes between eunuchs and castrati (with nothing in between) slightly different than I would is still about the best book on the subject that I've ever read. I have a some ideas on a few other terms that should be reinserted into our language but more about that later.
Anyway I am reading a book "Castrati, Eunuchs") that although he distinguishes between eunuchs and castrati (with nothing in between) slightly different than I would is still about the best book on the subject that I've ever read. I have a some ideas on a few other terms that should be reinserted into our language but more about that later.
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janekane (imported)
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Re: Name change
Whether or not someone is regarded (by self and/or others) as autistic surely depends upon what people regard autism to be.
For me, it is simple. I tend to display a goodly collection of the attributes which are recognized in people deemed to be autistic; attributes which people not deemed to be autistic do not exhibit. I never learned to "think in words" or to "think in pictures."
The earliest definition of "autism" that I have come across, as a name for a brain biology condition, is in the work of Eugen Bleuler, who, circa 1913 as I recall, identified autism as a condition in which, contrary to supposed social norms, the self is an object of study. Long before I came upon the work of Leo Kanner and very long before I came upon the work of Hans Asperger, I found mention of Bleuler's work regarding autism in Sadler's "Theory and Practice of Psychiatry," Mosby, 1936.
I am unconvinced that anyone knows what autism is, and I a unconvinced because I find that autism is a collection of diverse brain biology conditions, many of which merely share some aspects of some clinical signs while sharing no genetic factors and no symptoms as inner experiences of one being labeled autistic.
I have mentioned my being autistic here because I do have formal diagnoses (from a physician and from a psychologist) and because I have found some people far more willing to harshly criticize my use of words if I do not mention being autistic. For me, autism is a totally normal aspect of my life. But, then, so is being MtE transgendered, as also is my having taken, on the way to where I now am, a little side trip into and out of MtF land.
For me, it is simple. I tend to display a goodly collection of the attributes which are recognized in people deemed to be autistic; attributes which people not deemed to be autistic do not exhibit. I never learned to "think in words" or to "think in pictures."
The earliest definition of "autism" that I have come across, as a name for a brain biology condition, is in the work of Eugen Bleuler, who, circa 1913 as I recall, identified autism as a condition in which, contrary to supposed social norms, the self is an object of study. Long before I came upon the work of Leo Kanner and very long before I came upon the work of Hans Asperger, I found mention of Bleuler's work regarding autism in Sadler's "Theory and Practice of Psychiatry," Mosby, 1936.
I am unconvinced that anyone knows what autism is, and I a unconvinced because I find that autism is a collection of diverse brain biology conditions, many of which merely share some aspects of some clinical signs while sharing no genetic factors and no symptoms as inner experiences of one being labeled autistic.
I have mentioned my being autistic here because I do have formal diagnoses (from a physician and from a psychologist) and because I have found some people far more willing to harshly criticize my use of words if I do not mention being autistic. For me, autism is a totally normal aspect of my life. But, then, so is being MtE transgendered, as also is my having taken, on the way to where I now am, a little side trip into and out of MtF land.
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hungrycat (imported)
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Re: Name change
Well its official,,,
After a chat with the therapist its been made quite clear that without a name change I'm not going any further with referrals...
I will keep everyone upto date with things on the blogs.
After a chat with the therapist its been made quite clear that without a name change I'm not going any further with referrals...
I will keep everyone upto date with things on the blogs.