Sucks being non-body dysmorphic on the EA.

[punkypink (imported)]

I've been reading blogs belonging to several people here, and posts about their progress with surgeries and stuff. This lead me to think, it is very easy to see, and be happy about progress when you have such visible and tangible milestones in making progress. And to share them with everyone, with everybody giving you slaps on the back and congrats. Sometimes, almost to the point it feels like showing off. What then, for people who don't suffer from body dysmorphia to that degree, or at all, who have nothing to "show"?

It is so hard, to be a person who focuses on the inside rather than the outside, in the current superficial society. It feels like not having body dysmorphia is a curse, especially for a trans sexual individual. Even here in the EA, I admit that at times I feel alienated that unlike everyone else with body dysmorphia, I have nothing to do, nothing to talk about, nothing to show, for people to give pats on the back. Sometimes, it feels like having the courage to actually NOT give in to stereotype and be who I am, gathers scorn, or at the very least, apathy.

People seem to think it is braver to undergo physical changes, without understanding why some people need those changes and some people don't. Undergoing physical changes because it is the currently accepted "thing to do" for trans people, is actually far easier than choosing not to if one does not suffer from body dysmorphia. Cisgendered women who choose not to bow to the social stereotype of "women" or "sexy", and refuse to get breast enhancements, or plastic surgery to look good, get lauded for their courage to be who they are. The same courtesy does not seem to be extended to trans people who are able to see that body dysmorphia and trans sexualism are seperate psychological conditions, and have the courage to fly in the face of current medical and social misconceptions.

Worse, it seems the only sort of people who might stand up and say "good for you, well done" to a trans person, tends to be those who have fetishes about women with male genitalia, or men with female genitalia. Once again the focus is on the outside, the objectification of a human being, for these people's own selfish desires and fetishes.

I think I'd like to say, it really just sucks to be someone who happens to be trans and does not hate her own body enough. Not that I begrudge those who have body dysmorphia, they did not choose to have it either, but it is the rest of the community that seems to only focus on the body dysmorphic, and neglect those who aren't. And yes, it feels this way often, even here in the EA. Ok I understand that the EA probably sprung up with an initial focus on the physical, the external, but.... as the human race as a whole becomes wiser and more knowledgable, I wish dearly that the focus can start to come off physical transformations, or at the very least, include those who aren't body dysmorphic.

If you think about it, transitioning as a non-dysmorphic individual is not any easier, and sometimes, actually much much harder. Yes, it isn't easy to have to undergo surgery, or take hormones, but transitioning and living as who you are without hormones or surgery comes with its own set of hardships. Going into the toilet always carries an element of risk and fear. You always fear and worry that people will not be able to see any difference between you, and a cisgendered crossdresser. The sort of impact that people being unable to make that distinction wrecks havoc on your social life, especially if you also happen to be into the same gender. But, you undergo all this, and you can't really go "oh, i had my surgery, i had this or that done" and there's virtually sod-all ways of soliciting, and getting that occasional pat on the back or encouragement needed.

Yes, people with body dysmorphia don't have it easy. But people without body dysmorphia, don't have it easy too. Arguably, people without body dysmorphia, have it even less easy on a site like EA. Even though EA is not exclusive, it does not feel actively inclusive of non-body dysmorphic trans sexual persons. Maybe others here will feel I am rocking the boat unnecessarily. Maybe they will think I am over-reacting. I am sure there will be people who simply cannot see deep enough into this matter who will come out and put me down. But, this all of this is something that has to be said, and I will say it.

Emily

[Batman (imported)]

As this is a site about castration/penectomy/reducing testosterone the general focus is on the genitalia and how to overcome T. While there are a lot of MTF individuals on here, they aren't here about being women as much as to get rid of their testicles or overcome them via whatever method.

In that light, it's hard for me to understand what you would want from the site in terms to how you want to live your life without modifications? Have you tried the transgendered sites? I like the community on www.bigclosetr.us/topshelf and find it a supportive group for the most part. Although that site is primarily a story site first.

Your interest in living your life as a woman, not a eunuch, correct?

[Lesley (imported)]

Gee Batman,

I thought this site was about people who wished to be de-masculinised or emasculated. Wither this means physically or just living the life of a female or androgynous person.

If your happy with your body but present as female thats good enough for me to accept you in this forum!

I could be out of step with the rest but that is the impression I have got from lurking around here.

[nullorchis (imported)]

On the one hand, going from M2F certainly involves becoming a eunuch at some point in time so in that regard I learn from the M2F individuals even though my personal interest is just going M2E, remaining male physically and socially, just with no balls.

My expectations of the EA was that it only focused on male castration / eunuch topics. As it turned out it has sub-areas to try and provide forums for people of other interests, and that's fine.

Since the EA has a TG Room, that is a sub-part of the EA. Persons interested in TG perhaps should perhaps not seek, or expect, input or support from other areas of the EA. True, that forum is multi-purpose for Gay, Bi-sexual, and TG (no mention of lesbian). I suppose if there were enough people and enough interest in separate forums for Gay, lesbian, Bi-sexual, and TG persons the board creators might create separate forums, although it seems to me there may be better places on the internet for persons of such interests to go rather than a board that has the main purpose of being a forum to men who want to be M2E or are M2E.

[Caith721 (imported)]

Emily, I seriously share your concerns.

I am NOT the classic MtF transsexual, and my gender therapist agrees. It is highly likely I will not have any further genital surgeries, only hair transplants to overcome male pattern baldness. Since my early 20s, I have NOT had a body that could be considered feminine or female in any way, more like a football linebacker. Cross-dressing wasn't enough to satisfy my gender dysphoria, but full SRS doesn't seem to be an appropriate solution for me, either. One of my long-standing desires has always been to simply dress and live as a femme woman in my day-to-day life. If I were shorter/smaller/thinner, that might be possible, but alas it is not my situation. Women have had the freedom to dress as they please for many decades, starting somewhat in the late 1940s and fully by the mid-1970s. With the brief exceptions of bell-bottoms and longer hair during those 70s, men have never been granted the same freedom. There have been large strides made in social acceptance toward transgender males in the last twenty years, but it's still a long way from being a normal part of everyday life.

Until MtF TG individuals everywhere stand as a unified group and demand social acceptance and legitimacy, it's going to be a long, difficult life for us. I've already lived 50-something of those difficult years, and my GID finally triumphed over a lot of social limitations, but mine is an individual personal victory and a very small one at that. Maybe we need to organize monthly TG pride marches in major cities. After enough continued openness and visibility, it might be possible to change society's behavior. What I deeply desire is this general social acceptance. I want people to never turn their heads or stare or blink, because they already know who we are and they understand we are individuals who deserve the same respect as any other human being. Sadly, I'm afraid I'll be waiting a long, long time.

[kristoff]

Actually, about 1/3 of our members are transgender at one stage or phase or another, and all are welcome without reservation. Emily is welcome here, as are her hopes and desires as to understanding. Things are not always so black and white, there's a lot of gray in this world, and some of us need to begin recognizing that.

[JessicaH (imported)]

There are also a lot of people here that may not currently be sure of their final destination. Through the process of self discovery and self acceptance, there is no telling where your journey may lead you.

Emily, I have always enjoyed your presence here. I'm sure that the members of this site get as much from you as you get from this site.

[punkypink (imported)]

I like how some people seem to exclude me from the M2F definition, even though I had to transition from being socially male to socially female as well. Interests in TG. Wonder what they mean by that. Crossdressers? Fetishistic transvestism?

Like I said, some people just seem to be fixated on the superficial. Some have already seemed to show their hand.

Like Kristoff says, lots of grey in the world, some of us need to begin realising that. How many who need to begin realising that, are actually WILLING to begin realising that?

EA was set up some time back, I'm pretty sure that while its original focus was on physical-related areas, the world has changed since and EA cannot afford to remain stagnant.

Given a few of the responses here, I'm not sure I share Stacy's sentiments that members here get as much from me as I do from them. Some seem to think out of ignorance or short-sightedness, that I am complaining unnecessary, others selfishly probably think I am raining on their (fetishistic) parade.

I didn't even reply to Batman's original post because I wasn't sure how to reply without feeling disheartened.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Emily,

You absolutely provide valuable insights, by sharing your life, views and experiences, into the huge challenges and at times heartbreak that far too many trans folk continue to endure. However they define themselves. And that definition is entirely personal and valid.

How we identify ourselves and choose to live our lives is the only meaningful reality for who we are. No one else has any business insisting that we fit into their limited, ignorant and often bigoted views of gender identity, sexuality and gender roles. Or what is required to have a 'true' M2F or any other identity. Sadly, though, and far too frequently, this is what happens. As you have so effectively described in many of your posts here.

You are very courageous in living your life as yourself, under your own terms and in extraordinarily difficult circumstances. That is a terrific set of accomplishments. You also know far more about who you are than most people do by old age. For all of these reasons, and more, I congratulate you. You have my support.

Best wishes,

Danya

[Dave (imported)]

But some of us have no clue what to say to you Punky.

Whatever you want to be in gender is OK with me... Hell, I'm an easy going type that accepts people as they want to be. I can't speak about lesbian biases because I've never seen it. I can speak to lots of other bias. Don't stop. THat's not why I'm writing this. You have impassioned pleas as to what the world should be and that is good.

So I read your posts more for information than anything else. Other than this, I wouldn't have a clue on how to advise you.