I've decided to band.

[raynestorm (imported)]

I've tried alcohol injections and it didn't pan out.

So, here's the plan...

I'm going to buy a elastrator with green bands. I'll buy it on the next check, which will be on the 10th of June. Should be here soon after.

I'll take some cyclobenzaprine (relaxes the muscles in the lower back) and some Prosazin (to lower blood pressure) and band.

I'll have my wife tie me to the bed - and yes, she's ok with this - and wait until the pain subsides in a few hours. I'm told it lasts for 4 hours.

Then things go back to normal until they're ashen-white and I know they're dead. I'm told that takes 24 hours.

At that time I'll drive myself to the hospital and let them do the cutting. The testicles are dead at that point and they'll have to take them.

I'll probably spend a week or so at a mental hospital somewhere, but it will be worth it......my testicles will be GONE! Never to haunt me again.

Please don't try to talk me out of this, my mind is made up.

This is a community and I love it here....I feel like I belong

For that reason I wanted to let everyone here know. I plan on sticking around when they're gone so I can document to others what I'm going through, blow by blow so you'll know what to expect.

Raynestorm

[nanoman (imported)]

Please don't! I'm a MtF too. I tried to castrate myself three times -- the first I bled out a lot an needed to get an unit of blood and spent thirty days on the psych floor. The two other times I wasn't hospitalized but I still have scars from them, and I don't know how that's going to affect SRS. It sounds like you're not on HRT yet -- you may feel different about SRS after starting it. I'm guessing that you're somewhere where being different like that can get you killed :/ If you are on HRT, you could get a fatal thromboembolism from the clotting, and even if not, you can get gangrene, have to go to the ER, and be outed that way. Please don't do this -- I believe we can help you here, and there are other sites for women in our situation -- http://forum.trueselves.com is best. Please don't do it this way.

[Dave (imported)]

That's very dangerous Rayne... Too dangerous in my opinion.

[Riverwind (imported)]

I would only add, this is the most dangerous way to castrate yourself, you are taking your LIFE in your hands. There is little that can go right and a whole lot of things that will go wrong. Notice I said will not if.

Think this through, there are many other ways that are much safer, this is for someone who has a death wish. There are two different types of bans you can use, the small green ones are the wrong ones to even try this, this is the worst way with the worst equipment.

River

[baldwin92 (imported)]

I agree with the other guys, don't try it!!! I band for short times for fun but I would never try as a method of castration. I don't know where you are from but if you have no insurance or high deductible insurance or your insurance doesn't cover Psychological things. then your going to have a high bill for medical expenses. My suggestion is you use that money to pay one of the

doctors that will castrate you in a medical setting.

[SplitDik (imported)]

While I don't agree that this is "most dangerous" -- seriously any sort of actual cutting is worse -- there are problems and pitfalls with this.

Bearing in mind that I have no medical training, I think that the primary danger from banding is blood clotting (thereby causing stroke or heart attack) or blood poisoning. This could occur if the blood supply isn't fully cut off, or if you decide to abort after some peroid where the blood starts to seriously die. So if you're going to do it, you need to make sure it is fully banded and that you really go through with it. I know that is your intention, but just saying. In fact, if you choose to abort it after any serious amount of time (probably a couple hours, but I don't know for sure) you should still do so with medical attention. I hope you understand the issues of having dead blood re-enter your bloodstream ...

I have some other questions as well:

1) You said alcohol injections didn't work. I find that a bit hard to believe, but there are some other injectibles (salts for example) that there is also research showing as effective. Those might be still safer.

2) You said you were waiting for your next paycheck for ordering an elastrator. As far as I know they are pretty cheap -- I've gotten them for $9 before. But my point is that if that is difficult for you to spend even $50 then I'm worried that you may not afford the aftercare in general, even of a medical procedure with medical insurance. Heck even a consultation with a doctor is usually a $20 co-pay. Don't get yourself into some financial difficulty that prevents you from taking care of your health.

3) You mentioned that you would wait for the balls to turn ashen white -- as far as I know, that isn't what happens -- they'll turn red, then purple, then black -- and if you don't get them removed at that point they'll go gangrene with other funky colors.

4) Another person mentions you're MtF. Is that true? If so, you really shouldn't damage your scrotum as that can be important for future operations. Even if you don't think that is important now, it may be a big regret later on.

5) If you're MtF then what you should really do is try the "proper" path, get some chemical castration, get sympathetic psychiatrist, and then be on your way.

6) Like you said you will probably end up in psychiatric evaluation. It is a lot better if you already have a psychiatrist that already knows the full reasoning behind your obsession. Then when you go to the hospital then can bring that person in, rather than going through the whole "is he a danger to himself" thing. You really run the risk of having an over-reacting mental health team that could affect your whole life -- you can even lose future job opportunities if you've ever been in a psych hold.

7) Your wife runs legal risks in doing this. At the very least, she should not actively help you. Legally she probably is required to prevent you from "harming" yourself, but she'd get in less trouble than if she actively participated. Don't let her put on the bands, don't let her put on the constraints. She should only be there to "discover you the next day and release you" (as the story to police). Keep in mind that any time a person is injured greiviously in the home, they can investigate the spouse for domestic abuse even if you don't press any charges.

Hope this helps navigate your decisions.

[raynestorm (imported)]

I'm not doing the cutting myself - I'll let the doctors do that.

After 24 hours, I'll go to the hospital. At that point they'll be past the point of saving.

I'm open to help....if anyone is in the area and has a burrizzo, and is willing to assist just say so.

I've persued all other options here. Urologists wont return my calls here, the VA is giving me the run around - as usual - and I can't afford an orchi if I have to pay up front.

[nanoman (imported)]

Please think about this. If you go to the hospital after banding, you'll be put in the psych floor for sure after your expensive convalescence (they only have to stabilize you -- beyond that, they can kick you out or, most likely, send you to a public hospital. After your stable enough, you WILL be sent to the psych floor, and if you do not sign in voluntarily, you can bet your ass you will be committed and when you leave will be determined by the courts. Considering that you have problems accessing resources for trans* people, and that it sounds like the area you live in is homo/trans phobic, I do not think you'll be able to leave until you are "normal". Then you'll really be screwed -- no shrink in the region will help you, you could end up being a pariah and then *killed* for being a "faggot". And even if you have a short convalescence in the hospital, you'll have shitloads of bills.

That's not even mentioning the possibility that this will *not* make you happy. You don't seem to have much of a plan for what happens *after* your castration. You're MtF -- will you be going on estrogen? Your thoughts on what you want to do with your genitalia *can* change after some time on estrogen -- they did for me. You'd really, really regret losing your scrotum (at least) -- I only scarred mine and that's really going to fuck up my SRS. And what if this isn't what you wanted? Then what are you going to do? I know how horrible it feels to be in this position, but don't make it worse. You don't sound like you could handle the financial consequences of this... please don't set yourself back on the path to happiness. Learn from others mistakes, not your own.

[SmoothieSoon (imported)]

You said you tried alcohol injections without success. But what proof of alcohol were you using ? And how often ? It seems that it has to be at least 150 proof and even better using 190 proof everclear. Maybe 1 or 2 cc's every 2 weeks for 2 to 3 months. It sound like that would be a much safer and effective route. Read the posts from Marcy Thomas in alcohol injections. She gave detailed information on exactly what she did. I think it was a total of 8 injections over 2 and 1/2 months.

[JessJames1968 (imported)]

6) Like you said you will probably end up in psychiatric evaluation. It is a lot better if you already have a psychiatrist that already knows the full reasoning behind your obsession. Then when you go to the hospital then can bring that person in, rather than going through the whole "is he a danger to himself" thing. You really run the risk of having an over-reacting mental health team that could affect your whole life -- you can even lose future job opportunities if you've ever been in a psych hold.

7) Your wife runs legal risks in doing this. At the very least, she should not actively help you. Legally she probably is required to prevent you from "harming" yourself, but she'd get in less trouble than if she actively participated. Don't let her put on the bands, don't let her put on the constraints. She should only be there to "discover you the next day and release you" (as the story to police). Keep in mind that any time a person is injured greiviously in the home, they can investigate the spouse for domestic abuse even if you don't press any charges.

I will not speak to anything other than these two points because I have no experience.

On point six, I totally agree ... it is definitely better to have a mental health professional on your side BEFORE you end up in the psych ward.

I've not revealed this to anyone other than my MFT, my husband attempted suicide several years ago. We got lucky and the ward staff was excellent. Everything is silenced under HIPPA. However, this is not always the case in less metropolitan areas (we're in OC, CA and I have a working knowledge of HR law in CA so I was able to run interference if it looked even remotely like they were going to let anything out). If I were in your situation, I would definitely want have at least an MFT on my side.

On point seven, again, totally agree. If I were in your situation I would want to keep my other half out of the picture as much as possible. The authorities will automatically turn to a spouse as a "person of interest" which is the last thing either of you will need on top of everything else.

Again, something I've never revealed to anyone other than my husband and MFT, when I get overly frustrated, I will turn to banging my head against a wall, a headboard, a desk ... whatever is available. Not so much anymore, but it takes a conscious effort not to resort to that action. My point here is this, if my husband were in the house at the time (or had no viable alibi) and I were to go unconscious, the authorities would consider him a "person of interest" pending my regaining consciousness AND undergoing a psych eval by a "PET" (Psychiatric Eval Team) in the emergency room.

Bottom line and my personal opinion, there are better, safer ways to accomplish your goal. I've read here on the board of a doc in Florida and a doc now in Northern California who will perform castration. Please, reconsider your plan.