Changing a light bulb

[Danya (imported)]

I edited this list down quite a bit. Many of the references in items I deleted are very dated. Others I found a bit too biting to retain. I have included no source because I found this on a number of web sites.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None 'o yo' fuckin' business!

A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It depends on how much the light bulb wants to change

Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. That's a hardware problem.

A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.

A'': Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. That's a software problem.

A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,

one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Both of them.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: A tree in a golden forest.

A': Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.

A'': One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.

A''':None. Zen masters carry their own light.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''

A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

A': It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.

A'': Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb...

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There never was any light bulb.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

A': It's out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!

[Caith721 (imported)]

Good to see your sense of humor (and appreciation for humor) has survived.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Q: How many Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``

This was my favorite.

Thanks you,

[kb57z (imported)]

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000

I disagree....

A: Three. One to effect the replacement; one to ascertain why the defective component was not replaced during the previous preventative maintenance session; and one to perform an analysis to reveal why the human members of the crew find the situation humorous.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

Q. How many ca

ts does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Surely you jest. We cats never change light bulbs so on to more important concerns: (1) Change my litter box you lazy oaf (2) If I'm in the mood, I might let you pet me. (3) Get off your fat ass and get my dinner.