I had first thought of being castrated about the time I entered puberty; I suppose because I had (at least) mixed emotions about sex and the process of puberty. I put the thoughts out of my mind for many years until I read a fantasy description of a castration in one of Nancy Friday's books around 1980. After that the idea of castration kept coming back into my mind more and more, and when I first got on the Internet in 1996 one of the first things I did was to find the old alt.eunuchs.questions newsgroup (back when it had some useful traffic). From then on I joined every castration group I could find, and when I found the EA (when was it? A while ago is all I can remember) I knew this was where I belonged.
In the midst of all of this, I was diagnosed with HIV almost nine years ago, and I suspect this had something to do with my increasing desire to be castrated. It is tough to find guys to fool around with when you're poz (I know, I know, there are plenty of things to do, but once you mention the big H, the vast majority of guys will shy away), and that caused increasing frustration. So, in April or May of this year I decided this was the time to get it done.
Now, skipping ahead a bit (I said I wasn't going to dwell on the actual event), I spent two days in the hospital after a urologist repaired the damage, then took three more days off from work to rest up, with ten days' worth of Cipro and Vicodin to take along with my other meds (sigh...). By the way, Vicodin is one fine analgesic
Not quite as good as Tylenol and codeine, or 222's, which are aspirin and codeine available OTC in Canada (question to the Canadians out there -- are 222's still around?), but still damned good.The incisions took their own good time to heal, but that's taken care of now, and my scrotum has shrunk quite a bit. I think it's kind of cute now
I haven't had a real erection since the day before the castration, and that's just fine. When I read a truly erotic story ("HP and the Knife of Klingsor" comes to mind) I can feel the start of a hardon, but that's as far as it's gone. I suppose one of these nights (I just printed out Part 7 for tonight's reading) I might see if I can get myself hard again. The amazing thing is I really don't miss it at all. I still admire cute guys I see, but the difference now is I don't feel this compulsion to jump their bones. It's hard to describe to someone what it's like without a sex drive. I lived with it for 34 years, but now that it's gone away it's almost like it never existed.I think I've started to experience the calmness so many others have talked about. I do notice it takes a lot more than before to get me upset at work, and I don't get excited when rush-hour traffic is heavier than usual (don't get me wrong -- I still complain about it, it just doesn't get me too upset anymore). I'm looking forward to seeing what develops on that front.
As an interim measure until I see my PCP in December for my regular semi-annual HIV check-up, I've been taking Calcium/Vitamin D pills and munching on Tums to supplement my Calcium intake. When I do see the doctor I'll suggest a bone density test and see where we go from there.
Looking back on it now, would I do it again? You bet I would
I feel a lot better as a eunuch than I did as a man. Now that things have healed, I feel better than 100%. I would of course have an emergency plan agreed beforehand, along with a cover story (hopefully good enough not to get me committed 
) to keep the cutter out of trouble.Well, that's it for tonight. Any comments gratefully accepted and all questions cheerfully answered.
