My Penectomy story from the hospital

[janekane (imported)]

I have been "off testosterone" since the early summer of 1986. When a doctor has suggested that I take prescription testosterone hormone replacement, as some have done, they are met with "resistance" which I deem impossible to overcome.

I do not experience being even slightly "lame" or "tired," and only get tired after a full day of hard work, something that did not change noticeably for me from before my orchiectomy until now. Tomorrow has not happened, not yet. Alas, when tomorrow arrives, it will no longer be tomorrow.

The one change in my life that matters to me is my no longer being testosterone-coerced into having an orgasm when asleep if I do not have one first when awake. My subective experience of my quality of life increased by leaps and bounds when normal male testosterone levels and I parted company; and my ability to do sustained hard physical work seems to not have diminished in any way I have observed. When there is something physical that I regard as worth doing, and I am the one to do it, my brain activates motor neurons, my muscles respond, and the work gets done, as was true for me before my orchiectomy.

To me, every person is biologically unique, and I do not expect one person to respond to a given type of situation in the same way as another person responds.

YodaNell, my study of human biology has informed me that major aspects of human sexual physiology comprised of reflexes centered in spinal ganglia; these reflexe mechanisms are not necessarily all that much changed by orchiectomy and penectomy, and are ordinarily at least partly inhibited by nerve activity originating in the brain. The normal condition of human brain activity is inhibition of these spinal ganglion reflexes; the reflexes tend to "take off on their own" whenever brain inhibition is sufficiently reduced, for whatever reason inhibition from the brain is reduced.

I have wondered to what extent this brain inhibition mechanism leads some men who are as though addicted to orgasms to find themselves becoming functionally impotent because, in trying to have an orgasm, they try so hard as to activate the inhibition mechanism I have attempted, above, to describe.

Before my orchiectomy, I expected getting the orchiectomy would result in things happening in my life which I would be unable to anticipate, and therefore could not expect, and, in expecting what I could not possibly expect, I was not even slightly disappointed.

I can, at best, describe my life, including the effects I have observed in my own life, regarding castration. I cannot describe the life of anyone else, because I have not lived the life of anyone else.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Hi JaneKane! I might agree with you. Its been longer than a week (maybe 10days) after injecting 3cc of "t" and I am still very sleepy. So this sleepyness must be caused by something else. After this last t shot wares off, I'm going to stay off it as lng as possible. I don't think i've given this a fair try. I've heard of guys who are off t forever and feel great. That is what I want. I pray you ladys and gens are enjoying your Christmas holidays so far and don't forget to thank your creator for all your blessings. Blessings...

[YodaNell (imported)]

Ok guys, this one you probably never expected. I have two HUGE concerns. I should have mentioned this before, but I'm sure you guys will understand why I did not.

1) I had my penectomy done in order to get rid of the flesh that itches all day for sex. After masterbating, I would be ok until the next day. A cycle that continued for years. My problem is that after my penectomy, the sexual temptations and the need to maturbate has trippled! Wherever I go, these amazing looking girls pop up everywher; in shopping malls, streets; everywhere. I'm more horny now than before my penectomy. This brings me to my second concern, which is much worse.

2) It started some time ago, after my penectomy. At first I would dream of young boys and I rmember liking the look of their bodies. I would wake up disgusted at myself, for I'm not gay! I love girls! I did not mention this before as I was hoping it will go away. But, the last few days, whenever I see young boys (18 -25 old), I look at their beautifull young bodies and desire to touch it! This is really disturbing for me. Understand that, before my castration, I would NEVER even think about thouching a male in a sexual manner.

Question:

Could the lack of testosterone make me desire other males. I did become more sensitive emotionally. I have mood swings, but that is only when my T levels get low and when I inject T, my mood improves. Although my goal is to be 100% sexless, I want it more now. I orgasm EVERY day, to my utter dismay. What is going on?

Please understand, I don't regred the penectomy one bit. I absolutely love the way I am. It is just that my lust is running havock with me.

In Christian venacular: is this problem physiological or is it the DEVIL that is shooting his evil arrows at me because he knows about my desire to be sexually pure?

Guys, I'm a devout Christian and find talking about this deep, dark secret to others may not be a very good idea. I just hope the there experiences are noted in the anals of this archive. I don't know if this experience is unique or dit others also experience this, but I believe the those whishing for castration or penectomy should be warned that they might experience gay thoughts. Also, could it be true that due to the fact then the body lost its genitals, it compensates by desiring more sex, more lustful and easy orgasmic.

Its like my pens stump. After penectomy, my stump is maybe 10X

more sensitive to stimulation tha

t my penis was. Putting a vibrator to it, drives me nuts. A vibrator to my ex-penis did nothing for me.

It seems my quest has a long way to go. January the rest of my penis goes to hell. My nipples must go (anybody with diy suggestions, will please me). No more T.

Pleeeeeaaaaase guys. Don't mock my desires for absolute asexuality, Christianity and these gay desires. I feels to me that my whole endeavour to please God has turned into one BIG failure. Instead of progressing, I have regressed. I MUST overcome this, even if it kills me.

Love ye all...

PS. I have nothing against a gay person. I actualy prefer being friends with them more than straight guys.

[Milkman (imported)]

Actually from what I have read, being open and talking about such dark thoughts will make you less likely to act upon them. As someone who was molested twice as a child, I would encourage you to seek help if such thoughts persist.

[feedback (imported)]

from my experience when I was off T for some time my desire for sex disappeared. I also found that I appreciated both the male and female form as far as beauty was concerned. I really didn't look at people as sexual objects anymore. I also found that when I started to use T again I started to see both sexes as objects of sexual desire. As for as the fatigue and sleepiness goes I found that if I have to work I have to use some T, other wise I am just not motivated to do much but sit around and let the world go by. I think this is more of a mental thing with me rather than a physical thing because being retired I don't have a set work schedule I have to keep. It took me a couple of years to settle into a no T routine when I was still working. You just have to find something that works. I now use just enough T to keep me healthy bones wise but not enough to want sex.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Actually from what I have read, being open and talking about such dark thoughts will make you less likely to act upon them. As someone who was molested twice as a child, I would encourage you to seek help if such thoughts persist.

Hi Milkman, your resonse presents two concerns:

1) "...

will make you less likely to act upon them...

"

2) "...I would encourage you to seek help..."

Firstly, I thought I WAS acting upon it by posting my concern here on the EA. Are you sugesting that these feelings of mine can be 'cured'? How, by acting on point nr 2? Where? At a church or shrink.

Can a gay person be 'cured' of his gay feelings in order to think more 'normal' like a straight guy?

If it is a bad idea to share my concern here on the EA (..."

being open and talking about such dark thoughts

"...) then I will refrain from sharing my experiences on my nullo voyage.

PS. I'm not crazy, suicidal or wanting to rape woman or children. I have high morals. THAT is why these thoughts/feelings troubles me.

[YodaNell (imported)]

from my experience when I was off T for some time my desire for sex disappeared. I also found that I appreciated both the male and female form as far as beauty was concerned. I really didn't look at people as sexual objects anymore. I also found that when I started to use T again I started to see both sexes as objects of sexual desire. As for as the fatigue and sleepiness goes I found that if I have to work I have to use some T, other wise I am just not motivated to do much but sit around and let the world go by. I think this is more of a mental thing with me rather than a physical thing because being retired I don't have a set work schedule I have to keep. It took me a couple of years to settle into a no T routine when I was still working. You just have to find something that works. I now use just enough T to keep me healthy bones wise but not enough to want sex.

Hi feedback, YOUR post has been the most helpful as yet. I feel the same ase you when it comes to both sexes. It is NOT that I want to have sex with people. I just adore both sexes' bodies, but overwelmingly. I do (as for many years now) still have this overwelming desire for orgasm. These beautiful bodies just makes it worse. It's, like I said, as if the Devil is showing these beauty to me to enhance my lust, resulting in an orgasm desire.

THUS MY QUESTION:

Is the lack of "T" causing that I can now appreciate the beauty of a man or is the source spiritual? Are there straight eunuchs here who, after being castrated and off "T", also experienced a paradigm change regarding desiring/appreciating the same sex?

[Slammr (imported)]

I think that Milkman saw "young boys" and didn't see your addition of "18-25," and thought you were talking about an attraction for underage boys. From careful reading of your post, that isn't the case.

Unfortunately, I think you've been trying to eliminate thoughts of sex through elimination of the wrong organs. The brain is the biggest sex organ of them all. While testosterone can certainly affect its function, one can still have sexual desires without the hormone. I would suggest that the possession of a penis and balls wasn't your problem in the first place.

[YodaNell (imported)]

Unfortunately, I think you've been trying to eliminate thoughts of sex through elimination of the wrong organs. The brain is the biggest sex organ of them all. While testosterone can certainly affect its function, one can still have sexual desires without the hormone. I would suggest that the possession of a penis and balls wasn't your problem in the first place.

Thanks Slammr. Actually, if you remember my first post on this tread, the fight against sexuality in my body was the catalist/excuse for my penectomy. I wanted it off since primary school. It was my struggle to live a morte holy and pure life, that I actually considdered removing the temptation. The proble is, that the WHOLE penis is not removed and I still experience sexual pleasure in my groin and its very irratating. With all the flesh gone, I'll sort out the brain part. But in order to do THAT, I need to know, in a nut shell, if the lack of male hormones can cause one to become gay ie getting female desires and thoughts. If not, the journey should not be very long.

Like I said before, I L O V E it to be a nullo. I don't miss my genitals at all! It feels great...and...how can I molest a child without a penis?

[Slammr (imported)]

..and...how can I molest a child without a penis?

Actually, since women have been convicted of sexual molestation of underage boys, a penis isn't a necessary component of molestation. You realize, of course, I never accused you of such desires, and if that's what Milkman thought, I propose that he misread your post.