Although I've been a member of this archive for quite a while, I have not really contributed to any discussion as yet. It is therefore with great reluctance that I write my story to you folks as my reasons are totally for religious reasons and would like my intentions kept pure. I did, however, decide to write you my story as I think it absolutely ludicrous for any doctor to have the ultimate decision regarding one’s conviction on body modifications. My rebellious will and determination led me to victory against those short sighted Medics.
Having said that, one should definitely be sure what you want and not allow compulsion to ruin your life. Fantasy and reality are not the same thing. This was the dilemma I faced when I considered nullification. I enjoyed sex and masturbating a lot but deep inside me I felt God’s calling for a deeper walk with him and that won’t be able to do it while I was sexually immoral. (Please respect my religious dogma and understanding. I know it’s not a sin to marry and one does not have to be a Eunuch to walk with God) As time passed, I realised that I CANNOT stop masturbating and the sexual desires will not go away. I had to find a way, so I discovered the EA. I read hundreds of posts and noticed there are many men on Earth who detested their genitals. I also noticed that Urologists refuse to oblige to one’s request of removing the organs. That saddened me. I went to my urologist (here in my country) and asked him to do it but, as expected, he also refused.
This brought me to a crossroad. I quit this whole business, or get serious. Firstly, I had to determine my resolve. If this was a fantasy, quit NOW! If not, I will do everything in my power to achieve my goal. I will not let a man dictate my life, and if this is from God, I shall succeed.
I have kids, I’m divorced, haven’t had sex for almost 10 years and had a vasectomy, PLUS I’m sick of these sexual desires that rule my life. That’s all I think of. How can I achieve greater things in God if He constantly have to wait for me while I lie on my bed jacking off. DECISION MADE. Time to become a Eunuch. At first, I was only going to remove my testicles. (I saw some penectomy photos and thought those guys are crazy to chop their capullo’s off.)
I must confess that I really don’t understand why so many guys on this forum have so much difficulty getting their organs removed. All you have to do is damage it, and they (Docs) will remove it for you. They have all the tool and meds to do the job. Just make sure you damage it properly, and… be ready to go to the ER as this is a given. That was my plan and resolve.
Inject my nuts with Lignocain
Squeeze the hell out of it turns into a pulp.
Go to ER for removal.
So, I went to my GP and asked her for some lignocain. She was willing to sell me 5 bottles of the stuff as she was very understanding about the ‘pain’ I had in my nuts. At home, I injected my nuts and chords with the lignocaine 2% and after a while they were blissfully incapable of any sensation. Now I don’t know what you call that tool in English, but one finds it on a carpenter’s work bench. It’s a vice-like contraption with a long lever in the front. You clamp a piece of wood with it when you want to sand, file or chisel it. Anyway, I had one of those things in my garage, took it and squeezed the hell out of those two nuts. I could actually feel them pop. I kept the vice on for 30 mins. (I actually have some photos of this on BME . Hope it’s still there after 3 years.) Boy!!! When the lignocaine whore of I almost jumped through the roof!! With shaking , sweaty hands, I filled the syringe with more numbing juice and injected my nuts again. The pain subsided. What to do. The lignocaine will eventually where off again… Now, this must be from God, because after the Lignocain wore off, I never felt pain again in those nuts. Maybe I damaged the nerves. Two days later my scrotum was really swollen and I was afraid that there might be clotted blood or something, so I went to the ER (State hospital, not private). The Uro came to look at me eventually. I told him I was viciously kicked in my nuts by security guards who was wearing combat boots. (I’m not sure whether he bought that story). I told him that I was in so much pain that I want these things removed right now, faking my screams. He firstly wanted to do scans before he decided but after the scans he agreed to remove the testes. I was jumping with joy! I had a spinal block so I was awake during the operation. He removed my nuts and after perusing them he asked me….”Boy, you really scrambled your eggs, hey!) Victory!
Some time later, I thought I was in hell. My body was burning. I could actually smell the heat radiating from my body. My GP said that I experienced a hot flush. I thought O boy, I’m not going to enjoy this so here came another crossroad. Testosterone or not. I loved the feeling of a total drop in sex drive. It was AMAZING! I was much calmer. I had more compassion…but those darn flushes. So eventually my GP gave my T-shots and the flushes subsided, but, some sex drive returned. I could actually orgasm as a eunuch. Back to square one. After two years (after castration) of struggling with this lust, the prospect of chopping of my penis became really inviting.
PHASE TWO : PENECTOMY
I considered many avenues, read all your stories and came to this conclusion. Fighting the penis represents three problems: Bleeding, Urinating and Penis tissue is as tough as a rattle snake. The thing just won’t break. I got myself an elastrator with green bands. I banded while flaccid, while erected, used multiple band at times even for hours but sensation remained. (There are guys here that claimed they lost total sensation after 40min, not with me). At the beginning of this year I started to realise something. I’m playing with myself instead of getting rid of the thing. Banding and taking the bands off after a while is not my goal. I must destroy the penis as I did with my nuts.
Here's the plan:
Perform a penile block.
Squeeze the hell out of my penis until it rots.
Go to ER for removal.
10 Feb 2011. I built myself a device to do the job. It’s made of two strong rounded metal rods (like 2 pencils. Just longer (20cm)) I placed the rods side by side and tied them together at one end with 6 green elastrator bands. The other two points is free. I gave myself a penile block 3CC (all research was done from the net.) and waited a while. After 10 min my penis was without sensation, even the skin. I opened my devices on the untied end and manoeuvred it as far towards the green bands and as far to the base as possible. I squeezed all blood from my penis and closed the open ends right until they touched each other. I took a piece of string and tied the loose ends together. I must say that had I not used the lignocaine, the pain would have been excruciating. I guess it’s pretty much like using a burdizzo on your cock. I went to sleep for the night.
11 Feb 2011. At about 3am I felt pain on my body’s side of my penis. THE FRONT PART WAS NUMB AND COLD! I could actually hit a nail through it and not feel a thing. What a feeling. The pain disappointed me as I really did not want to quit at this point, but cannot live with the pain as well. So I decided to do another penile block. I also had to pee. So I went to the loo and undid the string, opened the ends and urinated. It was difficult to come out but after some pressure I was relieved. This took about 30sec before I squeezed all the blood out and clamped again. Back to sleep. I woke up the next morning being very disappointed that my penis was still hanging looking slightly pale, no feeling and fortunately no pain either side of the device. I went through the day pee-clamp-pee-clamp. Penis still LIVES! And this, 24hours later. I decided to continue for another 24 hours.
12 Feb 2011. The same as yesterday except for some strange pin pricks every few minutes right on the tip of my glans, where the urine comes out. I truly hoped that that was necrosis setting in. But, after an hour or so those pin pricks went away. Evening came and I was getting concerned about this situation. If this penis does not die soon, I’m going to have to remove the device being a failed attempt. Then, should life return to it, it would properly pain like a bitch! So I decided try a bit longer...I had to. I'm not going to give up on this.
13 Feb 2011. I woke up and the penis looked more red and pink…HEALTY! (tough like a rattle snake, hey) This is 66 hours later and there is not even a black spot. A penis is truly a tough organ. I decided to give up and I removed the device in dismay.
Guys, this is where I learned a very valuable lesson . I've been squeezing the blood out of my penis every time I urinated. It occurred to me that the penis cannot die without blood. Truly. Gangrene and necrosis can (it seems) only set in when blood is present. After letting the blood flow back to the penis, all hell broke loose. My glands turned pitch black. The same with my skin. After 6 hours a foul smell emanated from my penis. At places the skin became as hard as my finger nails. Other places oozed a watery substance. This was wet gangrene! TIME FOR THE ER!!
I went to the emergency room and told them that I accidently forgot to take of a cock ring and the removed it the next morning after I felt discomfort and pain. I told them that I had hoped that the penis will fix itself over two days, but when I woke up this morning (two days later) it was black like this. (I don’t know if they believed me...who cares?)
HOSPITAL
Firstly, the doctors and staff were very friendly and caring. The Uro came requested sonar scans the next day. I pleaded for him to remove the penis, but he just smiled and said we should wait on the results of the scans.
14 & 15 Feb 2011 (Valentines Day0
I went for scans. My Uro says that the internal structure is fine, but I’ll need a skin graft to replace the penis’ skin. I pleaded for penectomy, but he just smiled and said a plastic surgeon will come see me regarding the skin graft. I was VERY disappointed. The guy came to discuss the skin graft but I refused any skin sliced from my body. I will not happen. Meanwhile I were to rub some silver oxide ointment on the dead skin, hoping to resurrect it I suppose. I should tell you that I did no such thing. I squirted portions of the ointment down the loo.
16 Feb 2011.
I insisted to see a shrink. She was VERY understanding. She insured me that she will meet with the docs and see what they can do. That afternoon I went to theater again. The plastic surgeon was going to remove all the dead tissue of the penis. I think they call it 'debriding' After this...back to my room. That evening my uro came to my bed and informed me that they have noticed that my penis' internal structures have died and are being absorbed by my body...and that my glans was like a raisin and had hollowed out. After removing the dead flesh, there was about nothing left of my penis. HE SUGGESTED A TOTAL PENECTOMY, A REROUTE AND SCROTAL REMOVAL!!!I was so excited! That evening was zero per mouth. No eating...and who cared?
17 Feb 2011.
I signed a permission form for the operation. Interestingly enough, there's a section on the form where I can request to keep all removed tissues from to operation...or, I can let the hospital dispose of it. I asked to keep it. I'll dispose if it myself.
Off to the theatre. Fell into a deep sleep while they did their stuff. Woke up in the ICU.
18 Feb 2011.
Remained in the ICU. Later that evening, back in my room.
There is not much pain and the morphine is great. I have a catheter in place, drip in my arm with anti-biotics and the wound is dressed and cared for every day. The food is great and the nurses friendly. My relationship with my uro is also much better by now.
OK, that’s it, that’s my story. A few pointers though:
Don’t penectomise yourself. This is truly a specialist operation. And they will help you, just give them a reason. And don’t worry about a shrink. They are nothing. Just appear sane, friendly, talkative and intelligent and DON’T show them any signs of obsession, depression, begging and denial. And don't suck your thumb.
YOU must take charge.Don’t do this without an anaesthetic.
The ER is you friend. Don’t wait too long to go to the ER. You’ll need to be on anti-biotics as soon as possible. I went to the ER 9 hours after removing the device.
Don’t worry, you won’t just die. Live and dead blood has been circling my penis for 9 hours as gangrene set in. As you can see, one’s body is quite tough.
I took 2 aspirins every day (during the clamping) to keep my blood thin. One in morning and one at evening.
As a disclaimer, this did work for me. I did a lot of research, took advice on the EA boards, learned about nerve blocks, banding and so forth. Although I’m positive this will work for you, you still do so at your own risk, obviously.
Please, I beg you, don’t use my writing as a means to jack off or so. Please keep my business pure. I wrote you this for information only. I have pics of my black penis, device etc. but I don’t know where to put it. I’m not a member of BME anymore. Although EA has served its purpose for me, I think I’ll still pop-in at times to see how you all are doing. Greetings as I write this to you straight from my hospital bed marinating in blissful delight of being a-sexual. This 7 year chapter is closed, at last. Now it is me and my God…
not so much.)