The Pursuit Of Individual Happiness - Chemical Castration & Companionship Cures

[Dave (imported)]

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Now if only I could bring myself to say these things to a psychiatrist.

You put those words you said to us. Put them in the front of your mind and you simply say them to the psychiatrist.

Or you can say - Doc, I want to have a close relationship with someone and I don't know how.

Or you say - Help me have a romantic relationship.

Try simply repeating to yourself "I deserve a romance and I'm going to have one" over and over. Convince yourself. I know that's easier to say than it is to do. But you know what the problem is, step beyond it your betterment.

Once the subject is out there, the psychiatrist should be able to draw the rest of out you.

This is sort of a pep talk. You are worth being loved and loving someone.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

You put those words you said to us. Put them in the front of your mind and you simply say them to the psychiatrist.

Or you can say - Doc, I want to have a close relationship with someone and I don't know how.

Or you say - Help me have a romantic relationship.

Try simply repeating to yourself "I deserve a romance and I'm going to have one" over and over. Convince yourself. I know that's easier to say than it is to do. But you know what the problem is, step beyond it your betterment.

Once the subject is out there, the psychiatrist should be able to draw the rest of out you.

This is sort of a pep talk. You are worth being loved and loving someone.

I feel kind of nice to have effected you (Chibifish) in some way.

On the not being able to hide from love/hurt thing: Most of us cannot shut ourselves off from the rest of the world. We have to earn money and there are general social engagements that we usually have to attend. Therefore we are somewhat forced to interact with other humans. And you can't just say, "I am not going to fall for ANYONE - I refuse to fall for anyone." Life doesn't work that way. For example, there is a woman I know who I'm basically certain that I've hurt quite a lot - I'm pretty certain that in the end, she had fallen quite a lot for me. This was despite her always TRYING to refuse to do so. But because we worked together - and because I insisted on emailing her and TRYING to impress her - and because she NATURALLY liked me, well she sort of couldn't help it. Any relationship is going to have pain; but any good one is also going to have PLEASURE. This woman has refused to allow herself to have the loving walks, tender touches, kisses, etc with me - all of the pleasure; yet in the end she sort of copped the pain anyway (in my opinion). The moral of the story?

It is not meant to be that I am a bastard even if it sounds like I am!

The moral is that it is POINTLESS to try to hide away from the pain that falling for someone might cause you - and sabotaging yourself potential greater life happiness.

Unless you are self sufficient enough to just be able to live off the land and not interact with humanity.

Chibifish - you sound like you have a far greater understanding of yourself than I did at the same age. You are about 22? I did not begin to awaken much with my thoughts until I was 23, and then had major breakthroughs at 24. But I had other mental issues such as thinking I was dying via bowell problems (possibly cancer), which I wasn't, but I never opened up to anyone about my worries until later. If you were to see a pysc/doc now then it might solve you a lot more problems down the track. Like Dave, I strongly advise you to see someone professionally.

Not that I did that. Instead I heaped all of my personal worries onto women who I liked! That is not really the way to go about it.

Dave, I like your positiveness. I wish that I was that positive. However I am dubious about the theory that everyone is loveable, or worthwhile of being in a relationship with. My biography discusses this a little.

Your message though to Chibifish - which is very much an encouragement to PUT HIMSELF OUT THERE AND GIVE HIMSELF A CHANCE - is 100% RIGHT. It's sounds like Chibifish has NOT tried at all in life yet - just like I had not. I believe now that I was (and perhaps still am) one of those borderline cases. Someone who is attractive enough and interesting enough to be a potential partner to someone worthwhile. Chibifish - maybe you're biggest fear is discovering that you are not worthwhile to others? You need to TRY to fight against this fear, and PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.

LIFE IS SHORT. DON'T WASTE TOO MUCH OF IT IN DEATHING MODE.

My comments about some people not being very worthwhile to be in a relationship with are not 100% correct at all either. Perhaps I am just very superficial in how I view humanity. There are of course far deeper humans that I. It could very much depend on your own personal experiences. I know the attractiveness of the woman that I have fallen for who is the least attractive. She is far from a beauty, but she ain't a beached whale either.

The theory that beauty is on the inside only runs so far - but that's just my opinion.

My opinion now on relationship possibilities is that it is actually better to know where you stand with someone. If they reject you then you can at least move on - in a way. The EA is sort of here as a support for people who consider themselves potentially unworthwhile - and if we are - to make our lives potentially better in other ways.

P.S. The woman has not added me to her facebook friends list as yet. She's still in her shackles.

[chibifish (imported)]

On the not being able to hide from love/hurt thing: Most of us cannot shut ourselves off from the rest of the world. We have to earn money and there are general social engagements that we usually have to attend. Therefore we are somewhat forced to interact with other humans.

But, see, I'm not to that point.

I can count the times that I ever had any social interaction outside of school and family on my hands.

The past year and a half I've been actively trying to be more involved with people, but I find that I rarely have anything to say to anyone, and generally the more important it is, the less likely it is that I'll actually say it.

The moral is that it is POINTLESS to try to hide away from the pain that falling for someone might cause you - and sabotaging yourself potential greater life happiness.

... Oh, it's not that. (Though something tells me it will be at some point along the road... it hasn't been yet. ^^ ).

I've been thinking through potential ideal (read: nothing resembling realistic) scenarios lately, and am pretty sure that I still have the gradeschool mentality that having that kind of interest in anyone is something to be embarrassed of. Specifically, I'm pretty certain my parents would tease me about it, and I'm pretty sure that'd bother me way more than makes any sense.

(Of course, this might be ok if I still had the mentality that I did in gradeschool that allowed me to overcome anything via looking at it the rational way. Rationality abandonned me at some point since.)

Not that I did that. Instead I heaped all of my personal worries onto women who I liked! That is not really the way to go about it.

... I've imagined myself doing that quite a lot lately.

... I certainly want to ramble on, but it's so disorganized in my head that I can only imagine how it'd wind up in text form.

Thanks, both of you.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

This week I have been winning my battle for the pursuit of happiness.

Easily.

It's always the case - that these things happen when you least expect it.

And it's happened - with someone who I will name my supergirl.

Perhaps a relationship cannot work with two people who are no longer innocent, but perhaps if one is innocent then they can pull the other back into the wonder that they are feeling, and this is the case here.

This girl totally adores me. I am sure that nobody has ever made her feel like this before. She is as I was in December 2005, when I first fell in love. Her life now is how mine would have been if I had hung out with her (the first love) then.

She is totally gaga over me. "You are my everything."

And I believe her (as much as anyone can actually be "everything" to somebody else).

Her life is genuinely a dream. And I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.

I don't know if she can blow my mind. But she can definitely blow my heart.

We all have motives, but she doesn't seem to play games. She has asked me how much I earn (this is at least of some importance to 99% of women) - which is not much. She tells me regularly that she wants me to put on weight because I am too skinny (other women would be scared to offend me, or don't want to appear vane). And of most significance; she tells me repeatedly how CUTE I am (again, not afraid to come across as vane, just simply being HUMAN, and being herself).

Green is for go has reversed itself. We crave the red; so we can have yet another session of kissing.

I am well aware that this is VERY early days. But it's a terrific start. She wants to be with me forever.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has helped me on my life journey thus far. Really. A big thank you.

As for the issue of my sex drive: well, it's still in the back of my mind to do something about it. Maybe soon. "Do you like me or do you like sex?" she asked. "I like both," I replied with pure honesty. "You're a bad boy!" she declared with a gorgeous giggle.

Perhaps in the future I can genuinely only like one.

[Arab Nights (imported)]

On another thread it was mentioned how great it is that when you come home your dog is over the moon to see you - regardless of whether this is just for the food or not. How many people on the EA see having a good pet as being a reasonably adequate substitute for not having a human companion - in the sense of adding to ones life happiness?

QUOTE]

I have had several jobs in South America where typically dogs are wild. One in particular was out in the jungle and the camp had a resident pack of about eight wild dogs. That was the first time in my life that I had been exposed to such a group of dogs instead of individual dogs with owners like in the US of A. I (generally) like dogs so I became friends with them. It was interesting. It got to where I knew each ones personality and they were as varied as humans and, indeed, I could look at them and see human personalities. That is, one dog had a personality recognizably like one or more people I have known and another dog would have a personality like another person(s) and so on. So you have to keep that in mind. For example, there was one female that I really did not care that much for. She had one of those pissy personalities that just isn't that great to be around. Like those people whose face (and persona) looks like they just sucked a lemon. There were several that I liked and it was a mutual pleasure to see each other and one that I really became connected to (we would search each other out). So keep in mind that dogs have personalities like people and you might get one that just does not suit you.

Having said that, if it works a relationship with a dog (I cannot vouch for cats) will show you what simple love is. By that I mean love that is not colored by all the human complications like money worries, trying to resolve homework issues and all the other things that make human existence such a tapestry. Without going into a long post on myself, I think dogs can show you a lot about life, love and death.

Hope this helps.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

At the moment I would like to one day get a Labrodor/Golden Retriever. Never heard of one of those that doesn't get along well with humans!

[Arab Nights (imported)]

I had an Aussie/dingo mix for a decade and could not have asked for a better companion. I have also had good luck with South American street dogs where there was a connection.

[loveableleopardy (imported)]

Oh Giggsy......

I'm referring to Ryan Giggs, the Manchester United football star.

It's hardly a big surprise to hear that an alpha male has been sleeping around, but this story is a little different. One of the women that he has been having an affair with (allegedly) is his brothers wife - for the past EIGHT years.

There are a couple of things that I find striking about this as a newsworthy item.

a) Most people will just go, "oh, that is horrible," and don't bother to actually think about it and analyse it at all.

b) How does such an event actually begin? I mean, it's a BIG risk from either party to broach the subject....

He is a big star, and they both have marriages at risk. How does one of them pluck up the courage (or stupidity) to make the first move? Think about what he risks. She could knock him back, tell his wife, tell the tabloids, and he loses his wife, a lot of money (lets say from sponsors) and has to put up with a lot of ill feeling towards him from society. And she is risking a lot by making the first move too, for he could reject her (though he is a guy) and tell her husband (his brother). Because of the complications there is an increased chance (I would have thought) of a rejection either way, so (especially considering that Giggsy could get it from lots of different women) I'm surprised that a risk was even taken.

I am not surprised at the so called immoral nature of the act. I'm human, and am heading down much the same path myself.

Why don't more people ask why did the woman did it? I mean, we mostly know why the man did it, but I find it more interesting to try and analyse it from her perspective. It can show us how our stereotypical western society (with a strong emphasis on marriage - which is to love one person and always only one person) is perhaps wrong in many ways. Or if not directly wrong, then it certainly has its failings. Is it natural to actually love only one person throughout an entire lifetime? I am not just questioning this from a physical perspective, but emotionally. Is marriage really partly a massive boost of the human ego, so that one can confidentally say to the rest of society that they own the heart of such and such a person, and vice versa? How much is marirage merely about ownership (from both the male and female perspective)? Should humans live more freely with their love (again speaking emotionally as well as physically) and not try to control another as much?

There isn't any one particularly reason for why I haven't written much on these boards lately, other than having a complete lack of interest in doing so. I am going through (at least from what I can determine) a major transformation as a person. I consider myself to be mostly a bad person right now, and I don't particularly care about that. I've suddenly decided that that's it; that I'm going to do all I can to get as much pussy as I can without having to pay much money for it. That's basically where I'm at.

I actually believe now that I am relatively handsome. I also believe that most women can not only sense the change in my lack of principles (I don't really know how they sense this, but they do; this is why you can't fake confidence with women, and you can't fake not being desperate, which is how I always used to be, when I was a good boy:)), but that they REALLY like it. It's their ego talking I guess. They used to hate it when I would try my best to respect them as somewhat of a friend and to like them for more than their physical attributes. After all, this is what they constantly tell us that they want from a guy. This unfortunately is completely false. It seems inevitable that us human beings (I am lumping myself in with the other humans) cannot help but be bad.

I used to be loveable. Women couldn't love me. At least not conventionally. I am no longer loveable. But now women seem to be digging me quite a lot.

Still, I'm quite convinced that I can't get it enough (alah Ryan Giggs!) to make it worthwhile being a male with his full sex drive. After all, I've only ever gotten it from two women without directly paying for it, and in some ways we all have to pay for it anyway - to get women in the mood. I don't have anywhere near enough money regardless.

Women still mostly just need to know that you are always willing to fill them up whenever they want it, whereas men actually need it - it's no good just having the woman like you - while we have our sex drive.

The only way that I can again become a good person is to get onto Androcur (or something similar). At the moment I really don't care if I destroy friendships, marriages, whatever. I'm just going to get whatever I can - which is probably nothing or hardly anything anyway. But that is where my mindset is at.

I know that I initially said on this forum that I was into my new girlfriend - or words to that effect. But I'm not. Not at all. And yet she openly loves me more than anyone else ever has. Quite frankly that shits me. I will call this the CARE factor.

Whenever I've cared HEAPS about someone in life they can't be with me. I've just come across as desperate, or scary, etc. But in recent times I've begun to become less desperate. This makes me desirable. The other thing is that I've let go of principles. That makes me desirable too.

So many women are bitches to other women. It's not their fault. They HAVE to be. They can't value themselves unless a guy is choosing them; over another girl. It doesn't really matter how much they love the guy. If you are that guys ONLY option, then it's virtually impossible for the woman to value themselves whilst being with him, because to her, he is only with her because he doesn't have any other choices.

Hence women will find themselves 'cheating' on other women regularly.

With my last girlfriend I got a sense that other women liked me a little more. But I had no real intentions of cheating on her - and like I said - this is something that women can somehow sense. With my current girlfriend I have no love for her - and I am willing to cheat at the drop of a hat - and this women can sense big time.

Part of my non love for her is my annoyance that she loves me HEAPS - despite the fact that I met her at a brothel. Now personally I don't hold that against her (and she is actually a REALLY wonderful and sweet girl), but why in the FUCK would she believe that I was going to be more genuine in my love for her - when I just walked up to her and paid to fuck her - then I would be in my love for other women who I had written HEAPS of truly wonderful things for over the years??????????????????????????????????????????

Is it just because of the validation of the vag? Or have women in the past been scared into thinking that I've put them onto my 'friends' list? Or do women just have to know that they are morally superior to the man (perhaps this is another attraction to the criminal male)?

My mindset once I started going to brothels is that I pretty much JUST want sex.

And now women are interested???????????????????????????????????

So am I disappointed that I've discovered that I'm attractive very late in life (and missed out on potentially a lot of sex)?

Not at all. I feel very blessed that I've lived a mostly different sort of life, and had emotional and spiritual experiences that others will never have. I have had so many things that have happened that have meant (and will always mean) far more to me than any mere sexual experience (which we call love because it feels good:)).

My principles now pretty much only exist with one person.

Here are some things that I will mention about my other dealings with women:

One woman got right into me as soon as she saw how much my previous girlfriend was into me. This woman was/is meant to be partly seeing one of my best mates at the moment (sort of just as good friends I suppose). I would never have any interest in her in any manner, though I wouldn't dare say, delete her from facebook as she might crack it (a woman's wrath is to be feared!), so sometimes when she tries to talk to me I will just offer the most minimal of small talk.

After seeing how much my current girlfriend was into me, one of my best mates sisters suddenly starting 'poking' me on facebook. After some deliberation I have returned the pokes. Maybe we will even have a minor fling? Who knows. She is in a longterm relationship with a nice guy that she seems bored with. Even though I think he's a decent bloke, I will fuck her if given the chance.

I am finally into having regular interactions with a very longtime sweetheart. She is one of my major life angels. Yes, I am being very bad in regards to this (seeing as I have a girlfriend who adores me), but this all a part of her (one of my actual loves) being able to love me; because she has someone to rate herself against and because I am no longer as desperate with her as I always was. The CARE factor. Her message to me today made me smile. So maybe this is ONE good thing to come out of all of this.

I am even willing to fully flirt with another woman who has long meant a lot to me - and more as a genuine friend. She is virtually married, but once again, now, if I had the chance (though this would have to be 1 in 100,000!), I would sleep with her. Notice that I said sleep. Whilst I'd "do it" with her, I respect her a lot, and would always want too.

Who else?!

There is a hot girl at work who is married who at the end of last week I made a 'general' enquiry with. It's quite a risk, given that I love my job, so I have to tread carefully. Still, I can't help but feel that maybe she likes me (she looks at me seductively sometimes - has even winked at me), and the sex would be incredible. It's most likely - as it is with most women - that she just wants the self-esteem boost. And that doesn't help us guys much with our annoyingly high sex drives.

Isn't it strange though how women can enjoy sex even more than men? Once they decide to have it they can be crazy for it, but it takes such a huge amount for them to DECIDE to do it. I just went running before - for the first time in 5 weeks - and I feel good now. Perhaps this is why I am bothering to write something interesting at present instead of just masturbating a LOT of the time? So me and running is like women and sex. I don't bother to do it much (can't be bothered), but once I do it's always good.

[Caith721 (imported)]

Helluva post, Greg. I think what you're seeing in women, behavior wise is the action of natural human pheromones. Yours are elevated because you're sexually active and aggressively seeking more, or "on the prowl". Women may or may not understand their increased attraction to you. I suspect they don't even care. Their competition with each other is also pheromone-driven. Their naturally close proximity to other women promotes this. Their excitement level goes up, their pheromones rise, and then their interest peaks.

Nature at work, driving the reproduction of the species, regardless of the cost and/or effect to the individuals. Enjoy yourself, be careful, and at least try to be smart about it. No use having fun if it will eventually cost you too much.

[chibifish (imported)]

Though I'm sure the facebook things have a physical component, I was kind of amused at how easy it was for me to conclude from reading that pharamones must be traveling over the internet, now. :d