Am i strong enough to go on?

[kyennamo (imported)]

I feel better now after all this crap happened than I did before it. I have been given a tentative diagnosis of bi polar disorder which seems to explain a lot of my past behaviors. Maybe its the psych meds (I feel almost normal for the first time ever) maybe its the life lessons I learned during all this. Truth is its probably both. Stress over money and finding a new job isn't helping but I still feel like I can handle it (I hope anyway). My transgender issues are still on the forefront of my life also but I plan on handling it differently this time. No more self medicating with hormones. I am going through a doctor this time. And since my suicide attempt (and subsiquent news paper article that spread my buisness all over pennsylvania) most people know im tg. Most don't seem to care and some just ignored the mention of estrogen in the article so for the most part I can be myself. No more exaggerated fake Male personality. That's not to say im ready to go female in public but I can at least be the caring sensative person I really am. Im glad I have this place and the people here to get this off my chest. It really helps to type it out and it also helps to hear what others have to say

[JessicaH (imported)]

Glad to hear that you are still with us. I hope you find another job real soon and sort out your legal problems. You may be able to find some I am in the process of getting my hrt legit and monitored trans legal services to assist you. I don't think they can legally charge you with something if they didnt have a warrant specifically stating what they were looking to seize.

I would also look to see if they violated any HIPA laws regarding the release of any medical treatment including resuscitation or suicide intervention.

[kyennamo (imported)]

Wife called 911 from the apartment. They found me outside but wife was hysterical and police followed her into the apartment where they saw a pipe in plain sight so aparently they were then allowed to search. I think its all bs. But they found my estrogen and several pipes and some pot (I had been clean about a month but never threw it out) cops even charged me with agrivated assault and I never even tried to touch them. I survived just to wake up to a nightmare. Huge list of charges (over 30) they took my pc playstation and xbox, all my guns (probably for the best) and got fired and evicted. At least I still have my wife

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

You are not the only one I know of who has been treated this way by the authorities. Anything seen "in plain sight" (a very broad term) is fair game and can lead to additional searching. Also, any information in police report, including medical information, can be released at the discretion of any of the holders of that information ( such as prosecutors, senior police officers, etc). --FLO--

[kyennamo (imported)]

Just checking in. I have been on my bioolar meds for almost 2 months. Im still depressed and still have thoughts of suicude but not as strong as before. And the meds enable me to recognize the unhealthy behaviour I exhibited in the past so that's probably a good thing. Iam now on prescription injectable estrogen (as opposed to self medicating) and being monitored by a doctor. Had my first testosterone test and got the results back last monday. I was at 34 and aside from restarting 4 days before the test, I hadn't taken estrogen or spiro for over a month at that point so I was really excited about that. I start a new job monday at a plumbing heating and air conditioning company just outside of philly. I worry that I wont be strong enough to do the job though. After a few months on estrogen and a month in the hospital, I have lost a lot of the muscle I had. And I didn't have much to start with. Even before the estrogen I always had girl arms. I also worry about the upcoming summer and my breast development. I am about 5' 11" maybe 6' and 160lbs. as I try and get thinner and loose more weight, and small breasts develope I think it'd be hard to hide. Winter wouldn't be so much of a problem but especially by next summer i'll need ways to hide them. Anyway, thanks for reading. P.s. does anyone know how long developing breasts hurt for? These things are killing me lol

[Caith721 (imported)]

Just as muscles become sore and tender from exercise, your growing breasts will be tender as long as they keep growing. The length of time this requires varies among individuals, but generally is anywhere from two to three or four years. Everyone's genetics, physiology, and metabolism are different and unique. As we love to say here at EA, "Your Mileage May Vary (YMMV)".

Good luck, and if you don't want to lose strength in your arms, actively exercise them two or three times each week. This won't necessarily build more muscle, but it will help retain your strength.

[kyennamo (imported)]

Hi all. Its been a while so I figured id check in. Still haven't found a job yet. Still going through bouts of depression. Still waiting to settle my legal situation. But one thing I think has changed. I no longer look at my GID as a sentence for lifelong misery. Sure, I have my bouts where I have trouble accepting it. But for the most part I am excited to see what the future holds and what changes hrt will bring to my body. Speaking of hrt. I was on for 2.5 months, off for a month and a half following my suicide attempt, and now been back on for a little over a month and a half. I never again want to live without the way hrt makes me feel . Im finally finding myself and I Feel like i have the estrogen, and ridding myself of testosterone to thank for that. Iv come out to a few more family members but for the most part i still live as a guy for now but im becoming less and less satisfied with that. But i know i need to take things slowly and not rush anything. One reason is to give people around me time to adjust, but the real reason is my own fear and to give myself time to adjust. I feel like there has been this little girl in my head that i locked away years ago and she's finally free to begin to grow and mature and take over and it feels amazing. But again, i need to take it slow so i dont crack again. To those of you that have shown an ingerest in this thread I truuely appreciate it. I find it theraputic to wright down what's been going on and how im feeling and to get feedback from my posts just feels invaluable to me.

[JessicaH (imported)]

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. It really is amazing how things can change when you truely accept who and what you are and being ok with that.

Hugs, Stacy

[kyennamo (imported)]

hey everyone. i know its been a while so i figured id check in. im doing ok. still havent found a job. still on hrt. in 10 days it marks 4 months that iv been back on the hormones and i feel good about myself for the first time in my life. im out to almost everyone with a few exceptions. my wife took a picture of me today and for the first time in my life a actually liked what i saw (thank you hrt). depression is still a problem but not nearly as much as it was before. i actually feel happy about being trans sometimes. a far cry from where i was 6 months ago. well. thats all i have for now but i just wanted to say im back and better than ever lol

[Milkman (imported)]

Are you taking estrogen or testosterone HRT , may I ask?