Its JOKE time!!

[Lone Panther (imported)]

Ok a little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and crawls out of bed then wanders down the hall into his parents bedroom. There his little eyes see his daddy handcuffed to the bed and his mommy riding him butt-naked............"Mommy, Daddy, watcha doin?" The daddy pops up and says "Oh, uh.....I am playing poker........and your mommy is being my wild card.....NOW GO BACK TO BED!!" Then the little boy turns around and wanders across the hall to his brother's room. There he see's his brother humping a blow-up doll. "Hey big brother?......Watcha doin?" His brother turns and looks at him and between grunts says "Oh yeah....I'm playing poker. And barbie here is my wild-card! Now scram!!" So the little guy wanders down the hall into the bathroom where he see's his uncle Frank jerkin' off to a copy of penthouse magazine. "Uncle Frank? Watcha doin?" His uncle looks down at him and replies "Why I'm playing poker, of course."

With this the little boy gives him a puzzled look and then says "But where's your wild-card?" Uncle Frank just laughs and says "You don't need a wild card if you've got a good hand"

[Lone Panther (imported)]

Q. Where do cousins come from?

A. Ant holes..........(Aunt holes?):D

[Lone Panther (imported)]

Q. What did one lesbian frog say to the other?

A. "I'll be damned! We DO taste like chicken!!"

[Lone Panther (imported)]

Q. How do you get away from a hungry cougar who is chasing you through the woods?

A. Trip your friend

That one wasn't funny was it? Sure it was!!

[Lone Panther (imported)]

Ok so there's these three guys who are all candidates for the same job position at the CIA. They're all sitting there waiting for their final test when the director walks in and places three handguns on the table they are sitting at. "Okay you all have made it to the final selection process and one test remains" He says. "Candidate 1 please stand and take the weapon on the table in front of you....then follow me." So He does this and follows the director into an adjacent room. There the director tells him that his wife has been brought and placed in the next room over and the final test is to see where his loyalty lies by going next door and shooting her. Shocked and dismayed by this request the first candidate refuses and then sadly departs the building with his beloved wife. Then the second candidate gets his chance and ends up failing the test and exitting the building with his wife also. Now the director comes and gets the third candidate and gives him the same instructions. But to his surprise this one looks at the gun, then the door, then walks over to the door and enters the room. A minute of silence passes then the single click of an empty gun (which was empty on purpose) can be heard behind the closed door. Silence again...........Then CRASH!!....SCREAM!!.......THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!!.....SCREAM!!......BANG, WHAM, SMASH!!! Then silence again.............slowly the door finally opens and the third candidate staggers back into the room with a torn suit and all fucked-up looking. "My god!! What happened in there!!?" The director asked. To which the candidate replies "Hey man you forgot to load MY gun......I had to strangle the bitch!!"

[Lone Panther (imported)]

A golfer is just finishing his last hole when he see's another golfer enter the club house with a large gorilla. Curious he goes straight to the club house and approaches the man. "Excuse me sir, but I can't help notice that you have a gorilla for a caddy" he says to the other guy. The man replies "Why yes and thats not all. He also does some tricks." The golfer gets a grin on his face and says "Really? Thats great! Let me see one huh?" The man puts down his drink and grabs a nine iron from his bag."Okay check this one out." With that he goes over to the gorilla and busts the iron over it's head. CRACK!! The gorilla jumps up and down and beats it's chest then trashes the bar. After a few minutes it quits breaking things and comes over to its owner, unzips his pants and sucks his dick. "Woah! Thats some cool trick you got there!" the golfer says with wide eyes. The man just smiles and asks him if he'd like to try it. The golfer gets a wierd look on his face and then after a few seconds says "Sure I guess it would be fun........but could you please not hit me as hard as you did the gorilla?"

[A-1 (imported)]

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.

He found the problem was hair in it's ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some hair remover and rub it in its ears once a month.

The lady went to the drug store and gets some hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady said, "I'm not using it on my legs either, and if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The pharmacist said, "Then you had better stay off your bicycle for about a week."

A-1

[A-1 (imported)]

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.

He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"

"I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie.

Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"

Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all."

Agnes says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"

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[A-1 (imported)]

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6, I got the there's no Santa speech.

At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech.

When I was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech.

If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."



A-1

[A-1 (imported)]

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favored to win nationals easily. Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."

"What?" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it go?"

She replies, "Down to my balls. And that's something else I want to talk to you about."

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