Well folks, I’m getting the itch to wander again. Travel has always been part of my life, so this should not come as too much of a surprise. I’ve always enjoyed the thrill of exploring someplace new, that way of looking at a place with the eyes you can only have when seeing it for the first time. I recall that at the conclusion of each family vacation we took when I was growing up, I would cry myself to sleep the night we returned home. The knowledge that I was returning to normal, everyday life always caused me to feel dejected.
As an adult, I tried to travel as much as possible, and I have lived in several states, all of the moves being entirely by choice (though the first one may have been somewhat necessary for financial reasons). Five summers ago, I walked across the state of Ohio. Early the next year, I spent about two months traveling the southeast portion of the United States. I spent another three weeks traveling a large portion of the country a couple of years ago, and I again spent a little over a month traveling last year (my ex-girlfriend and I planned to spend a couple of years traveling the whole country, but it was just as the pandemic was heating up, and, with the uncertainty, we decided it was best to settle here in Tucson).
While those traveling experiences mostly focused on cities and towns, I’ve come to think over the years that what I really want to do is spend time in nature. See our beautiful national parks and that sort of thing. I’m not quite sure why I enjoy being in nature so much, but it has always filled me with an incredible sense of tranquility. I feel most connected to “ultimate reality” (or whatever you prefer to call it) when in a natural environment. I suppose that an objective of this type of travel would also be seeing if it does anything to relieve the frequent contemplation of suicide that has been part of my life for the last several years. I anticipate that spending time away from the chaotic modern world could be very good for my health.
After my previous traveling experiences, I think I’ve learned that, while I would like to travel much as possible, I would ideally also maintain a “home base,” as long-term travelers often call it. And, for various reasons (my medical care, my vocational rehabilitation services, the desire to continue working my weekday job, and others), it will likely be necessary. I continue to explore possible options for having a sort of home base, even if renting a permanent, fixed residence while also traveling as frequently as I desire may not be financially feasible.
I just returned home a few days ago from a vacation to California. This one was courtesy of my dad, who contacted me out of the blue a few months ago, and we’ve been speaking regularly since then. Prior to that, I hadn’t heard from him in about 10 years and hadn’t seen him in 15 years. Highlights of the trip included visiting my beloved Disneyland and multiple excursions to Los Angeles.
My dad is a conservative Christian and has no awareness of my gender issues, my sexuality issues, or my castration. It’s just not something I can bring myself to tell him. Given what I know about him, I don’t think he’d take it well. He also made a disparaging comment regarding trans people in one of our phone calls.
I did, however, finally tell him about my “religious” status while out in California. Before then, he had been operating under the assumption that I am still Christian. I finally let it out of the bag that I find the Eastern worldview more palatable.
(With some exceptions - currently, the salient discrepancy is my doubts regarding whether there is actually any “escaping” or “overcoming” the cycle of life as the Eastern religions generally teach. Among other things,
plix (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 09, 2013 8:01 am
I suppose the answer to that question
might indicate whether the focus of one’s life ought to be following restrictive rules and engaging in arduous practices in an effort to attain “spiritual progress” or whether one ought to instead simply enjoy everything this particular human existence has to offer as much is possible, so the question is an important one. However, I digress.)
He took it better than I expected, though I don’t think he was thrilled about it. He made comments like “God is going to strike you down” and “Satan is making you read those books,” but I think they were (mostly) in jest. He also said, “As long as you are getting something out of it, that’s what’s important.”
I’m hopeful that our relationship will continue to rekindle, but I’m doubtful I will ever tell him about my eunuch status. Since I take T and always present as male, I’m thinking there is probably no need.
The main concern, if I decide to travel again, will be the need for an income, especially because I don’t have the savings available I did for my previous travels. Fortunately, there are many options in today’s world that eradicate the need for a traditional job in a fixed location. One of the options at the top of my list is teaching English as a second language online. My employment plan through vocational rehabilitation includes obtaining a remote job (and the intent was to enable travel). Also, my weekday job will apparently have some remote positions available, which would be nice.
I would have to leave my weekend job in order to travel extensively, but believe me when I say this will be no major loss.
Nothing has been decided for certain, but I do need to make a decision within the next week since I have to give a 60-day notice at my current apartment. However, I’ve been saying that toward the end of every month for the last few months now. Hopefully, that is enough to prove this is no impulsive decision and something I’ve been considering for some time.
The traditional way, of course, is to wait until retirement to travel. But the way I look at it, life is short, and no one knows what life will come next (and there is always that very slim possibility – slim if our senses, observations, and a bit of intuitive knowledge that each new life we see will have the same experience of “waking up” and finding itself alive as we did - that it will somehow be eternal nothingness, which would be even more reason to take a “carpe diem” approach to life). Since not even a single day of the future in this existence is guaranteed, it might be best to do this now rather than wait for some retirement that might never come or that, even if it does, might involve me finding that my health is not suitable for travel and spending time in the outdoors.
