Taking the Plunge.....Again

[plix (imported)]

Lately I have found myself wondering just why it is that I cannot be happy working in the business world like most everyone else seems to be. Well, perhaps they aren’t happy working a corporate job itself, but they are at least able to tolerate it, most likely because it pays enough to make them happy outside of work. And of course there are some who actually do enjoy working in business, and while I can never imagine myself feeling that way, I can at least understand their perspective in theory.

Certainly if I were to decide I could at least tolerate such a job, I would find myself enjoying a healthy salary and many of the good things life has to offer that are associated with it. Yet even though I struggle financially at my current job, the fact that I would almost certainly make more money in business just doesn’t seem to motivate me.

I learned long ago that my work has to be something I find personally fulfilling. I also learned that business is not where I am going to find that fulfillment. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering why. While I am sure that most people would love their job to be something they find fulfilling, most people also accept the reality they need to work a job that offers a middle class lifestyle.

Some might argue this is a generational issue. Members of older generations have said that it is some sort of “sense of entitlement” that causes members of the current younger generation to think their work needs to be something they enjoy. My suspicion though is that older generations have said these sorts of things about younger generations since the beginning of time and will continue to do so until the end of time.

In addition to needing work that is fulfilling, I have discovered that my work also needs plenty of variety to keep me happy. If I am repeating the same task continuously, I have found myself burning out quickly. It wasn’t long ago I was working a second job at a fast food restaurant to supplement my income. According to what they told me initially, my impression was that I would get to do different jobs within the restaurant. The way it turned out, I was almost always at the fry station. Each time I came in, they would tell me “You’re on fries!” as if it was something different and unexpected. I lasted two months at that job.

One of the things I love most about my primary job is that it gives the variety I crave. Each day is something different. You never know for sure what the day will be like, and this is part of the excitement.

I have reached that point once again where I will most likely need to seek a second job. As difficult as it is to accept, I am also facing that this job will most likely have to be something business-related. It hurts me to think about this, but my bills sure aren’t going away anytime soon!

[Riverwind (imported)]

I know what you mean, going to work doing the same thing day in and day out. I was in IT it changed every day, I loved doing that job, it filled the void you talk about and paid well too.

But if you don't like what your doing, it does not matter what it pays.

What is worse is we need more teachers and we need to pay them yet there seems to be an attack on the education system of this country and teachers are being singled out as the villain.

Good luck to you my friend,

River

[plix (imported)]

It's finally happened - today marks one year with no hormones! I have to admit I never actually thought I could make it this far, but somehow I have

How do I feel now? Absolutely amazing! I know for sure that what I did was the right thing. Being without T is one of the best decisions I could ever make, and I am very happy.

So what sorts of effects have I noticed since leaving T a year ago? In the sexual department, my libido is almost completely gone, but I don't think I can say that it has disappeared 100%. Non-stimulated erections never happen anymore, at least during the day - surprisingly I still do wake up with an erection sometimes.

On the physical side, my skin has definitely become softer and smoother. It is possible there has been some mild redistribution of fat (I don't take measurements, so I can't say for sure). My breasts have become perky once again, but they are still very small and noticeable only under certain circumstances. Body hair has thinned, but I still have plenty left! The ring on my scalp is not completely filling in again like it has during past times dropping T - it is possible that this time the hair loss was too far along. I seem to get exhausted quickly when engaged in physical activity.

Emotionally speaking, I seem to tear up easier than I did before (but full-blown crying is still challenging for me, and I have a feeling the reasons have nothing to do with hormones), and I also may be impacted emotionally by certain events to a greater extent than before, but overall my effects in this department seem to be weaker than what others notice.

My short-term memory does seem to be getting worse, but I don't know if this because of hormones, getting older, or possibly the medication I am taking.

Throwing out the T I had left was a very smart decision. In the past people have told me not to get rid of the T in case I change my mind. But keeping the T was making things worse - it was easier to change my mind and therefore more likely it would happen. Now T would be at least 2 months away, and that's the best position I could find myself in. I have no plans to ever take T again, and I want to keep it that way.

[Riverwind (imported)]

Living without T it is different, everything you said I think we all have experienced. Make sure you take your calcium and D3, other then that your good to go.

River

[unencumbered (imported)]

Living without T it is different, everything you said I think we all have experienced. Make sure you take your calcium and D3, other then that your good to go.

River

Maintaining a healthy, low-carb, low-fat diet and daily weight-bearing exercises too. DHEA and vitamin B12 also helps.

[plix (imported)]

Living without T it is different, everything you said I think we all have experienced. Make sure you take your calcium and D3, other then that your good to go.

River

I would take those but I have this thing about keeping things natural as much as possible, and taking supplements is something that would go against that. I try to get my calcium from food, and I've heard that certain types of exercise are supposed to help build bone, so I try to do that as well. At my old job I took a couple of bad spills that probably would have broken something if I had bone issues, so I am hopeful things are going OK!

What's really been bothering me lately is that short-term memory loss that I mentioned. I didn't realize how bad it was until just recently, and I'm actually pretty worried about it. It's reached the point where it has impacted my work performance. Now on or off hormones I certainly can't expect my memory to be as good as it was in my teens, but the problems I've noticed seem a bit excessive for my age. Aside from age, something else that could be causing it is

the medication I take for anxiety.

My brother took another medication in the same class, and he strongly suspects it contributed to memory issues he had. But the dose I take is extremely low, so I am not sure if that could really be it. I've also noticed some other mental issues that could be this "brain fog" I have heard others talk about.

As much as I enjoy it, the thought of whether I can really go the rest of my life with no hormones has crossed my mind recently. T is absolutely out of the question, even a small dose, but whether I might do well with some E to combat the fatigue, depression, and mental issues I am experiencing is something I've considered. Taking E is not something that excites me either because I really would rather go with nothing (it's more in line with keeping things natural) and because of the risks of feminization. Plus finding a doctor willing to prescribe it would not be likely given that I am not transgender, so I'd most likely be stuck with the online route, which doesn't thrill me.

But some of these effects are getting very bothersome lately, so I am not sure what to do!

[spinwindy (imported)]

My history in short: I'm male and I'm transgender but I don't identify as female in spite of spending many years thinking that this was my issue. I suffered with gender disphoria but never wanted to lose my meat and two veg. I've sinse gotten rid of my veg surgically but only to permanently get rid of my T without meds. I bounced around with the meds for a few years and during this time worked out what my issue was "testosterone toxicity" http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm When I read this article it made a lot of sense to me. Anyways I decided I needed a permanent solution so off they came once I found somewhere that would do it. I went to India in the end where it was done in a clinic under general so all good, no dramas apart from losing my luggage and spending my time in India with no personal effects. I continued taking E for some time but decided I didn't like the increased risk of stroke etc so after a time I dropped that as well, next paragraph.

I don't like the idea of supplements or pills come to that, certainly ones that become important to maintaining life as I know it. If I have a headache I take something but I don't like the idea of E, T calcium or similar for the rest of my days. I stopped taking E 6 or 7 months ago and I started having hot flushes after a week or so. I was considering daily the risk of osteoperosis, it's obviously a big worry without any sex hormones. I started reading about the best way to deal with these issues and also to combat some other issues I was having like weight gain which was making me miserable. There is just too much information on the web and it's confusing making sense of it all. I read about drinking pleny of milk for the calcium rather than supplements but I also read studies where it was seen that people who drunk milk actually suffered more bone loss that the study group who did not. There are quite a few studies now that prove this in spite of what the milk marketing board is telling everyone. After some considerable reading I finally came across a book called the starch solution. There are some videos on youtube with the author. He lectures on the benefits of a healthy vegan diet, high starch, plenty of carbs.

Long story short, I read the book adopted the eating habits giving up meat, dairy and fish and I'm about 4 monthe or so into it now. I get my calcium, like the cows from dark green veggies. I don't have to drink the cows milk to get it and I don't need to take supplements. It turns out there's plenty to be had straight from the plants, no mammal digestion necessary and no leaching of calcium from my bones to nuetralise the acidity that comes eating meat or liquid meat that being milk. I eat really well, never hungry because this isn't a diet. I don't miss meat at all not even bacon sandwiches which I loved. The weight has dropped off of me and I'm getting back into jeans that I'd put into storage years ago, I'm getting my body back and my energy and even my strength is now returning with help from weight training which I've always enjoyed. I no longer suffer from the gender disphoria which was the bain of my life for a long time. I suppose these days I am a happy eunuch, no T no E, no supplements and absoluelty no intention of being a prescription slave ever again. I'm probably a bit too enthusiastic about sharing my experience with the veganism but I honestly think it's the answer for a lot of issues that arise from castration. I have a few theories on this after extensive reading most of which I've forgotten.

Depression is something a lot of trans folk and castrated guys seem to suffer and I admit I had a taste of that myself, it's a rough ride. I've come to the conclusion that it's a fairly simple thing to sort out if you're not too buried in it. Anti depressants aren't the answer if it's not too serious. As everybody knows all meds come with a list of side effects and strangely, to me at least, some anti depressants actually increase the risk of suicide, WTF! that doesn't suggest getting better in any measure. There is plenty of proof that exercise works at least "as well" if not better than pills. I think the depression kicks in as a result of the lack of energy and enthusiasm that can occur without any hormones, because of this a lot of activities can slow or stop. To the degree of even venturing outside into the sun and the best source of vitamin which by all accounts is good to combat depression. You can obviously supplement your vitamin D but I'm starting to think that answers don't come in pill pots. Exercising releases the feel good hormones in your brain and will go a considerable way towards getting rid of depression. The hardest thing about exercise is often times just getting past your front door to go for a run or a walk or visit a gym or similar. Once you're out and certainly once you get home, shower and frshen up you'll start to feel better about yourself, I know it really works for me. It can seem like a real chore when you begin but the benefits are well worth the effort. With the exercise you'll also be burning calories and potentially dropping weight. I personally don't agree with the slow metabolism thing a lot of people blame. It strikes me that activity levels drop off as we age or alter our chemicle balance and this is what redues our calorific needs and results in weight gain. The weight gain itself leads to low energy, leads to less activity, leads to weight gain and so on and before you know it you can become a couch potato and from here everything gets worse with other health issues rearing their ugly heads, increasing depression and so on. Plix it would be all too easy to take a little E and it might help but you seem to have been there done that but it doesn't quite cut it. If as you say you'd rather keep things natural focus on that, exercise, eat well by dropping meat dairy and fish and you might be pleasantly surprised, nothing to lose, everything to gain. No side effects aside from better health, more stamina, more strength, increased bone density better frame of mind, increased confidence, it's a win win. Hope this helps or is at least food for thought, best wishes

[spinwindy (imported)]

PS

Hot flushes: my own experience with them has been quite short and I think this has been as a result of my dropping a fair amount of weight. Even without the flushes I definitely noticed that I sweated a lot more when I was carrying more weight, it's horrible! I noticed it in bed at night just laying still trying to sleep but sweating where ever one part of my body touched another. I noticed it when I exerted myself either at work or when doing any exercise. As a result I was reluctant to exert myself, my activity decreased and so did my weight. All of these nagatives feed off of each other. I was doing less, becoming bored easily, eating more to combat the boredom, gaining more weight and on it was going, all negative, all leading potentially to bad health and probable bad state of mind. If I have hot flushes these days and I suspect that on occasion I might, they are barely noticable to the point I can easily ignore them and they aren't an issue.

Something else whilst I think of it. If moobs are an issue dropping weight, specifically body fat will also help to reduce them. I was considering going under the knife to get rid of mine but I'm starting to think now that this won't be necessary. I've been wearing shirts with double pockets with a T shirt underneath to disguise this issue but I can't stand shirts. I long to get back into T shirts only, far more relaxed, far more me.

[daifu-orchid (imported)]

Hang in there! There are many here who have had times when life was down. There is nothing easy about the eunuch state, adaptations, consequences and not all are easy to handle. Seems you have some good things going for you, even if it doesn't seem like it: basic good health, exercise, varied vegan diet, and some time to figure out how to deal with some of the challenges. The other Trump Card is the resource of the good folks at EA who always have an ear at the ready to help.

[plix (imported)]

spinwindy: Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences!

There was once a time I identified as female, but it was brief. I'm certainly not your stereotypical male, but I also don't necessarily identify as transgender. If someone asked me what I am, I'd probably say male.

What you mentioned is a lot of why I really don't want to take E. I don't want to be dependent on taking it for the rest of my life.

I was actually vegetarian for the last couple of years but went back to eating meat just last week. Since my reasons were mostly ethical, it was a painful decision, but I was actually worried that the lack of meat was negatively impacting my health. You are a brave soul for going vegan! In my case vegetarianism was tough enough, and I could never see going that far! Diet is an interesting thing. It seems like for every book out there saying why a particular diet is the way to go, there are three more books saying why that diet is wrong and a different one is right. And studies are even more interesting. It seems like every week there is a new study coming out saying that eating this increases your risk of that while eating that decreases your risk of this. Way too much to keep up with for me! My plan is to just stick with eating as many foods as I can that have been traditionally accepted as healthy.

Yes, depression is something that I deal with from time to time. In my case not working definitely appears to be a trigger, and my most recent bout was when I had an extended break due to the holiday this last weekend. I'm worried about the longer break coming up later this month, and of course summer seems to be the worst, at least this last one was. I was on T during last year's summer, and while I missed work, I seemed to get through it OK. This last summer, when I was off T, depression seemed to strike me a lot worse.

When it does hit, it can get bad, but no matter how bad it gets I will never touch antidepressants! I already hate having to take this medication for anxiety so much and would love to be off of it, but I also know that due to how bad my anxiety can get (and I tolerate anxiety a lot less well than depression), it is not something that is feasible right now.

I'm actually pretty active just during my natural day since I am almost always on my feet at work. Sitting down outside of lunch is pretty unusual for me. But I don't really get any "official" exercise outside of the evening walks that aren't so common for me at this time of year since I don't really like walking at night, and I would imagine you are right when you suggest that could help.

Yes, I have been down the E road before I can never seem to remember exactly what it was like to be on it whenever I am not taking it, but from what I have posted here, E seems to carry emotional baggage of its own. I had some wonderful highs when taking it, but there were also some pretty deep lows. I know that taking E is not really something I want to do because even though I would obviously keep my hair short and have a very masculine facial structure, I still think feminization would not be a good idea. But with what I have been experiencing lately, I wonder if it is something I will eventually have to do.

While I could do without the depression, so far I have managed to get through it when it does hit. The fatigue is generally mild - while I know that I feel tired, it doesn't really impair my functioning. But every so often it does seem to hit harder. Just last week I was walking around a mall and was feeling very tired. It became progressively worse, and eventually it was so bad I had to sit down. Once I was down, I had no desire to get up! The cognitive issues have me a lot more worried lately, especially over the long term. I'm also concerned about osteoporosis.

I haven't experienced a single hot flush since stopping T this time. During past experiments there were a few times I thought I might be experiencing some very mild ones, but since nothing happened this time I am doubting that is what those incidents were. I suppose that is one effect I just don't have to deal with!

I do have a bit of breast development, mostly from past times taking E, but it is very small and only noticeable when I wear certain shirts. I don't think too much of it is fat in my case. I'm not as thin as I used to be, but most people would still probably call me on the thin side. If I were to take E for an extended period, surgery to get rid of it may be a goal of mine (that would eliminate the main aspect of feminization that I think could cause problems), but I will probably be OK if I stay on nothing.

Thanks again for sharing! I hope you continue to experience many of the wonders that life as a eunuch has to offer