Uncle Mackie has recently posted a description of the Annual Andrew Award on his thread Yellow Toad ( http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=18747), so I wonΒt repeat them here. This is another contender. Please post your own AAA nominees as well.
A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing landmines that look like prayer mats.
ItΒs doing well.
He says Prophets are going through the roof.
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Andrew Award nominees
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JesusA (imported)
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DeaconBlues (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
I am sorry I just can't think of anything new for this year. My entry last year ("The Ballad Of The Berry Cobbler") was just too long, as was my "short" story of "Bubba The Redneck Turned Scholar."
Some guys got the gift for telling a good short story with a quick punchline, I don't.
Some guys got the gift for telling a good short story with a quick punchline, I don't.
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TheOtherSide (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
This one's long, and it's not mine, but I love it. All blame should go to Spider Robinson.
I just got back from visiting Juan Oitiz, an obstetrician friend of mine in Los Angeles. He was nominally on vacation, but one day there was an emergency delivery he just had to attend, so he deputized his brother-in-law Obie Stihl to show me around town. We went to Disneyland. Obie turned out to be a dedicated Star Wars freak, with a sense of humor even more depraved than my own- we passed by three sailors on the way in, for instance, and when he noticed they were all Chief Petty Officers, he made sure to point out the 'Three C.P.O.s'. Then he took me to Adventureland, where you go on a Jungle Boat Ride. Robot hippos come up out of the water and spit at you and so forth. But the worst part was the damned boat captain. Through the whole voyage he kept up a running monologue that had shin splints: bad jokes, worse puns, mother-in-law jokes even. I was in severe pain; fella thought he was a real hot dog. But the wurst was yet to come.
As we got back to the wharf, just as I was stepping off the boat, Obie leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'Now you're getting to see the dock side of the farce."
And the best part of the day? I got to visit Disneyland with perhaps the best Star wars character out there: O.B Juan's kin, Obie.
I just got back from visiting Juan Oitiz, an obstetrician friend of mine in Los Angeles. He was nominally on vacation, but one day there was an emergency delivery he just had to attend, so he deputized his brother-in-law Obie Stihl to show me around town. We went to Disneyland. Obie turned out to be a dedicated Star Wars freak, with a sense of humor even more depraved than my own- we passed by three sailors on the way in, for instance, and when he noticed they were all Chief Petty Officers, he made sure to point out the 'Three C.P.O.s'. Then he took me to Adventureland, where you go on a Jungle Boat Ride. Robot hippos come up out of the water and spit at you and so forth. But the worst part was the damned boat captain. Through the whole voyage he kept up a running monologue that had shin splints: bad jokes, worse puns, mother-in-law jokes even. I was in severe pain; fella thought he was a real hot dog. But the wurst was yet to come.
As we got back to the wharf, just as I was stepping off the boat, Obie leaned over and whispered in my ear, 'Now you're getting to see the dock side of the farce."
And the best part of the day? I got to visit Disneyland with perhaps the best Star wars character out there: O.B Juan's kin, Obie.
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JesusA (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
And, yet another contender:
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nametag that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant.. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nametag that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant.. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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markle (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
heard about a woman who is in love with twenty soldiers. She claims the relationship is platoonic.
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markle (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
'We've lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,' declared Capt. John Smith, 'but don't let poker haunt us.'.
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markle (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
An English teacher, who was dreadfully afraid of insects, while on a picnic screamed like a little girl when he saw there was an antonym.
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A-1 (imported)
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Re: Andrew Award nominees
Mahatma Ghandi (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c ... Gandhi.jpg)
...was a GREAT MAN and the spiritual leader of India...
...his life is legend and in India to this day he has a mystical presence...
...everywhere he went he walked BAREFOOT...
...this, of course gave him HUGE callouses...
...in addition, he was always on a hunger strike...
...this made him skinny and fragile from lack of nutrition...
...the lack of nutrition caused him to have bad teeth...
...his bad teeth gave him very bad breath...
...this made him a...
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SUPER CALLOUSED FRAGILE MYSTIC PLAGUED WITH HALITOSIS...
Grrr!
...was a GREAT MAN and the spiritual leader of India...
...his life is legend and in India to this day he has a mystical presence...
...everywhere he went he walked BAREFOOT...
...this, of course gave him HUGE callouses...
...in addition, he was always on a hunger strike...
...this made him skinny and fragile from lack of nutrition...
...the lack of nutrition caused him to have bad teeth...
...his bad teeth gave him very bad breath...
...this made him a...
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SUPER CALLOUSED FRAGILE MYSTIC PLAGUED WITH HALITOSIS...
Grrr!
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Riverwind (imported)
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MacTheWolf (imported)
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