My life

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks, Jackie!

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___________________________________
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A close friend just asked me if I would have skipped GRS if I knew I might be dealing with difficult to treat, chronic pain for the rest of my life. There is a reasonable possibility that I will have to cope with this from here on. For example, I just joined a local support group. The leader has been living with the same pain I'm experiencing for over 20 years.

My friend's question did not bother me. I have spent just about zero time wondering about this, for a number of reasons:

I had no way of knowing that this would happen. All I knew what that it could happen and the risk was small.

Although my gynecologist agrees the nerve damage is surgery-related, it does not help me in any way to waste time pondering the outcomes of other paths that are in the past and, therefore, unchangeable.

Anyway, I am still glad I had gender reassignment surgery. Maybe that makes me even stranger than I suspected! (Please note: this does not mean I am at all happy about the pain. I can learn, and am already on this path, how to cope with it and still lead a happy life. Even if it is more difficult, and perhaps much more restricted, than I had imagned for myself.)

[Mac (imported)]

Thanks, Jackie!

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___________________________________
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A close friend just asked me if I would have not undergone GRS if I knew I'd be dealing with what may be difficult to treat, chronic pain for the rest of my life. There is a reasonable possibility that I will have to cope with this from here on. For example, I just joined a local support group. The leader has been living with the same pain for over 20 years.

My friend's question did not bother me. I have spent just about zero time wondering about this, for a number of reasons:

I had no way of knowing what that this would happen. All I knew what that it could happen and the risk was small.

Although my gynecologist agrees the nerve damage is surgery-related, it does not help me in any way to waste time pondering the outcomes of other paths that are in the past and, therefore, unchangeable.

Anyway, I am still glad I had gender reassignment surgery. Maybe that makes me even stranger than I suspected! (Please note: this does not mean I am at all happy about the pain. I can learn, and am already on this path, how to cope with it and still lead a happy life. Even if it is one more difficult, and perhaps much more restricted, than I had imagned for myself.)

Good luck with the healing process.

[Danya (imported)]

Good luck with the healing process.

Thanks, Mac!

I am experiencing some very gradual reduction in my pain level. Although I'm not sure if this is because I have eliminated all sitting unless I have an appropriate cusshion, or if this is a result of the anti-seizure medicine, or even late-acting steroid injection or a combination of these - I am just happy to know I am improving. I stand all day as I work on the computer and found this is quite comfortable.

Now I stay away from most of the pudendal neuralgia support sites. Members with reasonably successful outcomes tend to leave these groups so you only hear the ongoing stories of pain. While I accept that my pain could last for years, I prefer to focus on a more positive outcome. One blogger wrote that reading the support sites one would conclude that pudendal neuralgia is practically a death sentence (i.e., to career and family life). She further writes that this is not the case.

I see my gynecologist again Monday. I will be certain I discuss pain management with her.

This morning, I had a phone interview with a hiring manager for a permanent position. I continue to actively pursue other permanent jobs.

[Danya (imported)]

This is the first day, since I moved back to the Twin Cities, that I have made it past 5 PM without an increase in pain. That increase is typical for pudendal neuralgia. And my pain has been barely noticeable all day. I am thrilled , although I realize I likely have a long way to go before I can sit again without the right cushion and for much time.

I spent 30 minutes driving today, while I sat on my pool noodle cushion. Then I took a leisurely walk at the Mall of Death, er...the Mall of America. There were camellias blooming in the amusment park area, which reminded me of living in the deep South. Walking is good for this type of neuralgia and today it helped.

[gareth19 (imported)]

Good to hear things are going well for a change. I hope it continues.

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks, Gareth19!

Friday wasn't quite as good a day. I'm experimenting with different self-help approaches to see which work the best. Today (Saturday) seems to be developing into a very good day.

[woofpuppy (imported)]

I am sorry to hear about the medical complications, I hope you will find relief soon. I will pray for your recovery. Keep looking for the job you deserve. Hope all goes well.

[Danya (imported)]

I am sorry to hear about the medical complications, I hope you will find relief soon. I will pray for your recovery. Keep looking for the job you deserve. Hope all goes well.

Hi woofpuppy,

Thanks for your kind words and warm wishes.

When I saw my gynecologist Monday, she commented that 'things' looked much better than when she saw me a month ago. That was good news. She also commented that she expects that, within a few months, I will be able to sit normally again.

I am hopeful that will happen; I'm a little doubtful because she had expected the corticosteroid injection to work. It did not. Partly because of that result, she now thinks the nerve is merely 'irritated.' [It's definitely irritating me!] That is good news, too, although it doesn't change my pain level! The nerve could be entrapped, instead, which would more difficult to manage

She approved of all the self-care stuff I'm doing to help things heal. I'll see her again in a month. She also recommended a physical therapist whom I'll see in late February. Nerve pain can cause muscle spasms, which I've got. The spasms, in turn, can contribute to more nerve pain. We need to break that cycle.

[Danya (imported)]

Although I have been applying for many permanent jobs during the time I've been back in Minnesota, I have been relieved not to have been given an offer of employment. I would have taken it, although I really did need to rest. Now, I have the doctor's blessing to interview (which I'd already been doing) and work. I want to find a job ASAP, preferably 'permanent' but at this point I will take contract work. Nothing has changed since I moved to Chicagoland in early 2010. It typically takes longer to find certain types of jobs. And although the Twin Cities continues to have the lowest unemployment rate for major metro areas (now tied with Washington, DC), a recruiter confirmed something I suspected. We are now in a down part of the hiring cycle for business analysts and project managers.

I expect working through a day with pain 'in my ass' ('X' joked that I moved from Chicago to get away from one pain in the ass - him ) while standing nearly all the time will be an adjustment. I also expect that I will manage.

[Danya (imported)]

I continue to slowy improve from my pudendal neuralgia/vulvodynia/pelvic floor dysfunction. Over this week, I had three days in a row that were nearly pain free all day. This was a new record! I need to get out to the nearby MOA to walk late in the day, when much of the mob of shoppers has headed for home.

Only about 2 more weeks until my first physical therapy session. Although I've been through PT before, I am actually looking forward to this. It promises to significantly reduce my pain. Promises, promises! I want to get to the point where I can go out on a date without having to stand the whole time.

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__

___ __________________________________________________

Late this morning, I struggled with th
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fear of never again finding a permanent job. I might have avoided this if I myself had skipped reading one

of the few detailed articles on the plight of the long-term unemployed. For my own sanity, I typically

s

kip reading this type of thing. After 2 1/2 years of temporary jobs, seveal moves for work, impossible dem[

quote="Danya (imported)" time=1296468180]
ands at two of three contract job I've held, etc., etc. - I am intimately familiar with many of the issues.
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I need to keep my spirits up to find my next job, permanent or not.

Part of my fear was related to hav

in

g reached the ripe old age of 60. [How did this happen? Family health history had left me wondering if I'd

make it this far.] I keep in mind the Workforce Center seminar on "Age As an Advantage." I agree with t

hi

s. The problem is many employers do not. Many do. I keep in mind that responsible hiring managers are mo

st

concerned about a potential employee's contribution to the success of the organization.

Tuesday, I have

two interviews for permanent opportunities. One sounds like it is the final interview. The other is an i

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itial phone screen. There are few interviews I have not enjoyed. I do advance preparation, which allows m[q

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e to be relaxed. I also remember several other things to help convince younger hiring managers that I woul
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be a valuable addition to their organization.

Writing about my fears released them and I feel calm again.

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__

Overall, my life is good. Over the last 2 1/2 years, I was fortunate to achieve a major life goal.

The 18 months I spent in the Chicago area were, despite some difficulties, a very good time for me. For awhile there with 'X', I was perhaps happier than I'd ever been. I'm glad we remain friends. I still miss the city and all it has to offer. I need to focus on today, though, and how I will make my future even better.

Who knows, I may even interview for that job in far outstate Minnesota. This is a permanent job. I'll talk with the recruiter about it, but for now, I'm probably not ready to abandon the Twin Cities. I have lived in or very close to major cities my entire life. I prefer to continue that.