My life

[Caith721 (imported)]

Danya, it sounds like you're doing well. I'm really glad you are, and (ahem!) having a bit of fun while exercising your new-found daily responsibilities.

[Danya (imported)]

When I lived in LA two life times ago this guy on the classical music station morning show said, 'A day without Bach is a day without sunshine'. he is of course right.

Hi River,

Bach...his music does so much for me on several levels.

I am so glad you are doing better, keep having fun and exploring your new self. The one that has always been lurking there in the shadows.

Hugs,

River

I miss seeing you and the rest of the EA crowd from the Twin Cities regions. If I find I can swing it, I will drop in at the upcoming Midwest MoM for part of Saturday.

There are loads of fun and new things to explore. As soon as I am able to, I want to get involved with activities where I can be seen and have fun. Like participating in salsa dance clubs. Although I am 59, I continue to view my future as full of possibilities, too.

While I was in Montreal, I met a MTF patient who used to be a model. We hit it off and had several long talks. She's lived in a number of countries, at least for short modeling gigs.

From her knowledge of the way things work in Europe, I learned that I might be able to become a permanent resident of Germany and/or Austria. It's all related to my being first generation American on my father's German side of the family and second generation on my mother's Austrian side of the family

. There was a time when I could

speak German relatively well. I'd need to relearn the language and, more importantly,

know that I could find work in Europe. The point is, I'm not closing the door on any options. Not all will come to fruition by any means and that's OK.

Hugs,

Danya

Danya, it sounds like you're doing well. I'm really glad you are, and (ahem!) having a bit of fun while exercising your new-found daily responsibilities.

Hi Caith,

I had a difficult hour or two yesterday (Saturday). Below, I will describe what was going on.

Overall, though, I'm in a very good mood. Dilation is becoming easier with each passing day. I haven't had any

[butterflyjack (imported)]

You naughty girl! Have fun...Be careful with "X" smooches dragonfly

[Danya (imported)]

You naughty girl! Have fun...Be careful with "X" smooches dragonfly

I need to be extra cautious with anything involving 'X.' He's a very smooth talker. At least when he's not saying totally outrageous things. I will see him tomorrow and I look at this simply as a chance to get out of bed, and the house, with someone I know. That's it.

He'll probably be on his best behavior. That will not cause me to have selective amnesia about past problems.

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_______

___

____________[quot

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____________________________

__

It is now
[/quote]

23 days since my surgery.

I saw my doctor Monday. He

concluded that my torn inci

sion area was healing wel[quot

e="Danya (importe

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l and will likely be fine. I'

ll see him again in 10 [

quote="Danya (impor

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days. At that point he'll be a

ble to tell if addition[quote=

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al action is needed. That woul

d involve a minor repair

. If I need that, he will ref

er me to a gynecologist.

[qu

ote="Danya (im

ported)" time=1292968260]
___________________________

_______________________

_____

Because of the
[/quote]
minor incision complication, my doctor recommended

that I not start working from home until Monday May

23. I asked if we might push that up to Wednesday M

ay 18. He was fine with that as long as I would be able to

rest when I need to.

I proposed this solution t

o my recruiter, who responded that it sounded fine to

him. He's checking to see if my boss agrees.

I want

to get back to work. Not only do I need the money, but I

want to start getting back into a normal routine.

__________________________________________________

___

My doctor gave me the OK to be more active, without overdoing things , starting tomorrow. I will be able to walk 15 minutes at a time, sit and rest for 5 - 10 minutes, then walk more. I can't wait.

[Mac (imported)]

Danya,

I agree with your girlfriend as to X's intentions now that you had the surgery. Be Careful and don't give him any opportunities. As you know one advance will lead to another.

Bless you girl.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya,

I agree with your girlfriend as to X's intentions now that you had the surgery. Be Careful and don't give him any opportunities. As you know one advance will lead to another.

Bless you girl.

Hi Mac,

I was very careful when I saw 'X' yesterday. My girlfriend is very earthy while quickly getting to the heart of the matter.

Thanks for writing.

Hugs,

[quot

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60]
Danya

____________

____________________

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__________________

____

Starting lat

e Frid
[/quote]

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ay mor

ning, I spent over four hours with 'X.' H

e was
[/quote]

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on his best behavior, but there seemed to be so

methin
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g else going on. It was like he had been to som

e intensive
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andle relati[quote="Danya (imported)" time=1299752700

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onships of all k[quote="Danya (imported)" time=129956
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inds. It was almost as if I were de

aling with a [quote="Danya (imported)" time=129966534

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new p
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erson. His entire

attitude was diff

erent. He wa

s mo

re

confident in himself and that made

me happy. It also

26380]
helped me to feel more comfortable

with him.

Many months ago, I told

"Danya (imported)" time=129904

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him he might find therapy useful. I even

vol

unt[quote="Danya

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eered to go with him. Nothing came

of this.

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or him I have no way of knowing.

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o the Chicago Botanic Garden yesterday, I enjoyed his
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min
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number of

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how things should have gone when we first met.

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__________________________________________________

[/quo
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_________

Getting out of the house

0]
for several hours was a wonderful experience. After sp
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rting to feel very isolated and a little down. Afte

r yesterday's
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60]
__________________________________________________
[/quo

te]
___________

I'm very gradually increasing my physical activity, although I am being cautious

and still spending a lot of time in bed. I need to be

cause of the 'minor complication' I wrote about in another post.

I had an appointment with my electrologi

st today. She asked for a show and tell session! I

declined, telling her I might reconsider once my swelling has gone done a lot more. She then said that if

I showed anyone before her, she'd be upset. I think she was

joking. She completed my presurgical electrolysis, so it's not as if she hasn't seen that part of

my body before. But it looks very different now. S

he probably wants to check out the effectiveness of her work.

I was surprised when she told me, at the e

nd of the appointment, that I needed to go straight home and

get to bed. I reminded her that she had once said that she had clients who went back to work 2 wee

ks (!) after surgery. Yes, she said, but they didn't h

ave any complications.

She told me I probably wouldn't need to see her again for a few weeks. Now that

my major source(s) of testosterone are gone, she thinks

we really are close to finishing the work on my face. I'm not convinced , but I hope she is right.

__________________________________________________

_______

I continue to heal. I guestimate that my external swelling has gone down by nearly half. Dilations continue to get easier.

[Caith721 (imported)]

Danya, it really sounds like you're making great progress on your physical recovery, and that's very good news to hear. Keep getting out of the house at least once or twice every week, even if only for short walks around the neighborhood, or a drive to somewhere else. If you ever get discouraged regarding your healing, just remember it can take an entire year for things to settle into their final appearance.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Caith,

Since I returned home from Montreal, I have had to get out of the house once or twice a day out of necessity. These have been mostly short trips to pick up food and other necessities.

My electrologist rents space from my doctor. When I saw her Saturday, my doctor was there. He asked how I was doing and followed that with "You can go ahead and do whatever you want," referring to my ongoing recovery. He might have forgotten his observation of a few months ago that I tend to get very enthusiastic about lots of things and jump right in. At times, this means I overdo it. You and I have had this conversation in some earlier posts!

Monday, I walked for an hour and a half at the Chicago Botanic Garden without stopping once to rest. I was tiring near the end of my walk so I knew I needed to get back to the car.

After the hour drive to get back home, my healing area proved to be none the worse from my excursion. I felt terrific, too.

Extended bed rest may at times be necessary. I have found it difficult to cope with four weeks of it but have (mostly) persisted to ensure good healing. During this time, I've read a lot about the psychological downside to long periods of bed rest. It's detrimental to one's physical well-being too even if at times it must be endured. Most of the time, I am able to maintain a positive outlook, realizing that this is temporary.

I may be past needing much bed rest. Last night I went out to a movie for the first time since my surgery. I sat longer than I have before while recovering - nearly 2 1/2 hours. I was using my rubber donut (i.e., invalid ring), but still found it a bit difficult to be comfortable.

When I got home, I examined my external swelling and healing incision area. I was surprised that, for the first time without the application of ice, the swollen area was as cool as the rest of my skin. I cannot draw a definitive conclusion from this, but I want to believe that being upright in some way helped.

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______

____

________________________

_

I had hoped to
[/quote]
start working from home tod

ay. That did not [quote="Danya (imported)" time=12965599

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happ

en. Ther

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8180]
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y wants me
[/quote]
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[/quote]
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02740]
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rmation soon.

None of how this is playing out surpris

es me. When I left for surgery, I told my boss

7480]
that I [quote="Danya (imported)" time=129413964

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would b
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ry. The end of the fourth week was only yesterday.

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[quote="Danya (imported)" time=12929682

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__
[/quote]
________________________________________________
[/quote]
___

Generally, I'm in a very good mood. I wond

9040]
er, though, why I am not at all worried about not y

et hav
[/quote]
ing a firm date for my return to work. Or being sure I will be offered continuing employment at this c

2940]
ompany. I have learned a lot since I heard I wo

uld lo
[/quote]
se my job roughly two years ago. In the time since I moved to the Chicago area, I have found two jobs. I w

9640]
ill do whatever it takes to find another, and quick

ly, if
[/quote]
that becomes necessary. Fortunately, the job market for my area of expertise is now considered 'hot.'

968260]
_____________________________________________

_____
[/quote]
____

I've probably written this before. Just before surgery, I told Erica Ann that very soon I would want to get on with my life, meet new peo

ple and, perhaps, meet someone to date. She basically tol

d me that this would have to wait awhile. I would need to recover from surgery. I thought "that won't take too long."

Erica Ann was right, of course.

__________________________________________________

____

Dilating continues to get easier, which is a good thing because Monday I'm supposed to start using a larger dilator. Ouch!

[Danya (imported)]

At close to five weeks post-surgery, I seem to be returning to 'normal' I've regained a lot of my energy, although I still tend to tire by 8 - 9 PM. Most days, I'm in a very good mood.

My lower abdominal and labial swelling has decreased quite a bit, although I still have a way to go. Another positive sign with the swelling: the affected area no longer warms to a level significantly higher than other areas. This is true even if I have not applied cold for many hours.

As a result, I'm more comfortable and I'm getting a little better view of how everything turned out. I'm very pleased so far.

Peeing - I don't want to go there now! It's getting better.

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[/quote]
(imported)" time=129585588[quote="Danya (impo

rted)" time=1302939780]
0]
[quote="

Danya (im
[/quote]
ported)" time=1

295698860]

(imported)" time=1302432120]
"Danya

(impor[

qu
[/quote]
ote="Danya (imported
[/quote]
)" time=1298730540]
ted)" time=1295602740]

(imported)" time=1302078060]
"

Danya (im[qu
[/quote]

[/quote]
ote="Danya (imported
[/quote]
)" time=1298622300]
ported)" time=1295517480]

(imported)" time=1301908800]
"

Danya (impor[qu
[/q
[/quote]
uote]
ote="Danya (impor
[/quote]
ted)" time=1298542860]
ted)" time=1295182380]

(imported)" time=1301635680]
"Danya

(impor[
[/quote]
q
[/quote]
uote="Danya (impor
[/quote]
ted)" time=1298531760]
ted)" time=1294649040]

(imported)" time=1301389680]
"

Danya (impor
[/quote]

[/quote]

ted)" time=1294472940]

(imported)" time=1300861500]
"Danya

(impor

[/quote]

ted)" time=1294139640]

(imported)" time=1299752700]
"

Danya (impo[

[/quote]
quote="Danya (import
[/quote]
ed)" time=1297843140]
rted)" time=1292968260]
_______[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1299665340]
______

_______[
[/quote]
qu
[/quote]
ote="Danya (impor
[/quote]
ted)" time=1297249920]
______________________________
[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1299611940]

_____

My j[
[/quote]

[/quote]
quote="Danya (imported)
[/quote]
" time=1296559920]
ob situation is still unclear. [quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1299567660]
I expect an update fro[q

uo
[/quote]
te="Danya (import
[/quote]
ed)" time=1296468180]
m my agency tomorrow. I continue to have acce

ss to the [q

uote="Danya (impo

rted)" time=1296300060]
hiring company's corporate em

ail, which is

a good si

[quote="Danya (impor

299226380]
ted)" time=1295855880]
gn. Stil

l, i
[/quote]
f the agency cannot provide assurance tha[qu
[/quote]
ote="Danya (imported)" time=129

5698860]
t I can return to work within a week or so[q

uote="Danya (imported)" time=1298965860]
, or that t
[/quote]

5602740]
hey will have more informa

tion

1298730540]
on this by mid-week, I
[/quote

]

will start looking for anothe[quote="Danya (imported)"

time=1298622300]
r job immediately.

I h[qu
[/qu

ote]
ote="Danya (imported

)" time=1295182380]
ave started looking for jobs t[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1298542860]
hat are somewhat outsi[

[/quote]
quote="Danya (imported
[/quote]
)" time=1294649040]
de the field I'm currently in. [quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1298531760]
This is part of my eff[quo
[/qu

ote]
te="Danya (import
[/quote]
ed)" time=1294472940]
ort to get my work life to mesh [quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1298456160]
with the rest of my ex
[/

quote]

istence. It doesn't hurt to in[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1297946640]
vestigate alternatives.

[

quote="Danya (imp
[/quote]
orted)" time=1292968260]
____________________________[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1297843140]
______________________
[

/quote]
___

Since I switched a
[/quote]
ntidepressants - from an extremely expensive monoa[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1297249920]
mine oxidase inhibitor (

MAOI) patch to the relatively
[/quote]
inexpensive generic Zoloft - I have not felt depress[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1296559920]
ed. I'm still not certain that

I had any depression duri
[/quote]
ng the 2 weeks after I stopped the patch and befor[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1296468180]
e I started Zoloft. Besi

des, Zoloft would have taken wee
[/quote]
ks to begin working and I was doing well during th[quote="Dany

a (imported)" time=1296300060]
at time. For now, I'll stick w

ith Zoloft. My career
[/quote]
situation is still somewhat uncertain so this is not [quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1295855880]
the time to experiment with an

antidepressant free life.
[/quote]


The one problem I have with Zoloft is that it se[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1295698860]
ems to flatten my moods,

to an extent. I used the MAO
[/quote]
I patch for nearly four years. During that time, I go[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1295602740]
t used to being very emotional

in a good way. I would
[/quote]
cry, and sometimes sob, on hearing gorgeous music an[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1295517480]
d seeing beautiful sight

s. Because the MAOI patch was th
[/quote]
e first antidepressant that totally relieved my li[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1295182380]
fe-long depression, both

my Minnesota psychiatrist an
[/quote]
d gender therapist concluded that all the crying, out [quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1294649040]
of happiness, was truly part o

f who I am.

I've always
[/quote]
cried when I'm happy. That just got more intense w[quote="Danya

(imported)" time=1294472940]
ith the MAOI patch and,

later, estrogen HRT. Now I do
[/quote]
n't cry at all. I'll wait to see how things go once I [quote="Dan

ya (imported)" time=1294139640]
back in the work world. Perhap

s lying about the house s
[/quote]
o much has not given me enough happiness to cry.

[quote="Dan

ya (imported)" time=1292968260]
______________________

____________________________
[/quote]
___

'X': I haven't seen him since Monday, which is fine. He has no

t called, although he's sent a few harmless emails. This inc

reases my confidence that he really has gotten the 'friends only,' and on a limited basis, message.

__________________________________________________

_______

A few days ago, for the first time I joined a transsexual support site. I had to join to see content restricted to members. I was interested in others' experiences with dilating and a few other matters. I doubt that I will post there often. That would mean repeating much of what I've already written here. I have no desire to do that.

[Caith721 (imported)]

The one problem I have with Zoloft is that it se

ems to flatten my moods, to an extent.

When searching for anti-depressants to replace the Prozac I took for years (it stopped working well), Zoloft was the second candidate. It kicked my depression 100%, but left me with an almost zero range of emotions. What bothered me is that I no longer experienced any happy or excited feelings, either. I told my psychiatrist this was unacceptable, and this is when I switched to Cymbalta, which has been working well for many years.