1. Garfield Park Conservatory in Chicago, a series of large, beautifully landscaped greenhouses. There are some huge, old palm trees in the main room that are gorgeous. The holiday flower show is in progress. There is no admission.
2. Downtown - I miss it now that I am working in the suburbs. I took the 'L' to save on parking. Once there, I walked for about an hour.
I spent the early evening on my own for an early celebration of my birthday. It was very relaxing. A pina colada helped.
I do not drink often but usually make an exception for special occasions.I'm going to list some things I learned from my 7-month relationship. If you read these, you may decide that I am indeed quite foolish!
That's OK. I was foolish in a teenage girl sort of way. If there is a next time, I want a relationship that is on a totally adult level, with room for child-like playfulness.If anything I write sounds like a put-down of my ex-boyfriend, that is not my intention. I realized some time ago that he grew up under much less than ideal circumstances and that he has little clue as to how to maintain a relationship. I thought I could work with that. I offered to go to therapy with him. He didn't want to, saying he could teach the therapist a few things.
1. Any man (or woman?) in my future needs to be confident in who he is.
2. This person must not be intimidated by any of my real or perceived accomplishments.
Items 1 and 2 - I do not want to continually reassure someone central in my life that he or she is good enough for me. All the reassurances in the world did not help in this relationship. The other person must come into the relationship feeling capable and an equal, whatever type of job they hold or do not hold. Their educational attainment does not matter either, if we are a good match.
I frequently told 'him' how happy he made me. He did, much of the time. I also told him why this was so. I enjoyed the unabashed way he had of singing publicly and poking fun at art he thought was absurd. There were other good things, too.
3. This individual needs to reach the point of respecting me and believing that what I say is valid for me.
4. I did not tolerate disrespect in this just ended relationship and I will not in future ones. If I feel there is hope, I will work through such issues as they come up.
5. I will lead my own independent life whether I am in a relationship or not. I am quite happy displaying my inherent femininity, but not at the expense of giving up important parts of myself.
6. I expect a certain level of maturity for a relationship to be successful.
7. I have, rather reluctantly, concluded that for a relationship to be worth the effort, I would need someone who is at ease exchanging ideas and with independent thinking.
8. Bringing up the ex-spouse and ex-girlfriends on a regular basis is not acceptable. Nor is comparing me to one, or more, of them. If a man, or woman, truly feels I am like one of these people with whom they were unhappy then it is best they move on. The sooner the better. I discussed this every time it happened, thinking I had gotten my message across. I was wrong.
9. NOTE: I am not starting a political or religious discussion here. I'm merely speaking about my relationship. No matter how strongly one disagrees with the teachings and politics of the church one attends 'religiously,' expressing disagreements in the middle of a church service just doesn't work for me. When the congregants are asked to raise their hands to bless new Sunday School teachers, loudly hailing the fuhrer is way out of line. Even if the intent is 'to show that the emperor has no clothes.'
I value expressions of dissent and our freedom to do so publicly. I encouraged my ex-boyfriend to write to public officials, seek them out in their offices, work for political causes he believed in and so on. Even though his views were very different from mine. But publicly agreeing with a protester who compares our current president to someone who has committed major crimes against humanity just doesn't fly with me. Ever. If this happens even once in another relationship, I will end it on the spot.
10. In any future relationship, I need to feel free to express my deep emotions about music, art and other things. Without the need to frequently reassure the other person that it does not matter to me whether he or she has this same deep connection with the arts. This issue came up every few weeks, even though I spent wonderful times with the ex at pop and country concerts and had a blast. 'He' saw my emotions as a weakness while I felt strong and most fully myself at these times.
11. I would wish that anyone in a relationship with me would have an appreciation for cultures and people around this very small planet. And tolerance for those with differing beliefs.
12. Questioning my patriotism because I take more of a world view of things is not acceptable. I always agreed that we live in a dangerous world, so I was and am not naive.
There were many good things in this relationship, but on my end it was based on the heady rush of a first love. I am glad I had this experience. He wrote back to me that he feels the same way. I am also glad this is over.
I made mistakes in this relationship, too. I have learned a lot from those. My first mistake was
