Strange Being Alone

[bobbie (imported)]

Here I am at the MOM. Something that I am planning on having each year as one of the host's. I am surrounded by people that can and do accept me for who and what I am. But even being in one of the most accepting and understand groups in the world, I am still alone. I here others talking and relating to each other in some very special ways. While I can relate to many of the shared experiences I find no one that is any where close to what I am. An outsider to just about anything that I see is a driving force in their lives and not in mine. I so long to find someone that can relate to me on a real one on one personal level.

I do my best to try to fit in the world but am always alone. Much talk the past few days was about how people's brain's are hard-wired before birth. I can accept this as fact for I see that every day. I just would like to understand how my mind was so short circuited. There is the straight world, The gay world. Transsexuals and transgendered. So many other gendered people. But I am alone as far as I can tell. How does one find another freak of nature? Everyone has their own special life. Can I have a special life closer to others?

I have been told by a professional person while there is about 1 in 10 that are gay. I may be one in 10,000 or 100,000 to one that would be like me. I guess it should be an honor to being that much different then then everyone else. I just see it as being very different and strange.

Yes I am in a very very happy relationship for over 5 years. I give my all for him. I do not think I could ever find a more loving and understanding person in the world. He is my cellmate. My master. I forever want to be with him. I just want to find someone like me to be friends with.

[Sweetpickle (imported)]

I am at a loss for words.

A few more paragraphs of explanation might help, but then again it might not.

I'm not sure anyone can explain themself.

[Ed (imported)]

On some level no one is exactly like anyone else and on another we are all more similar than we realize. Focus on the vast similarities or the few diversities but finding the balance in between is usually the key to peace.

[saywhat (imported)]

I just want to find someone like me to be friends with.

I hear ya.

I'll have to look up your other posts to try and understand the rest, because you did leave me with a lot of questions, but this part I can relate too. I hope it all works out for you.

[MacTheWolf (imported)]

Bobbie, I don't consider you different. I think of you as an equal and accept you as that. You're my friend and I'm proud to call you that

[Paolo]

Bobbie,

I those with lower T levels, regardless of how they got it, feel the same way.

Granted, before this happens, maybe not.

But I certainly feel like this back home, in a big way.

I don't notice it here so much, although there is no sexual interest.

Sorry, Talula, you're not gettin' lucky today!

LOL

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Here I am at the MOM. Something that I am planning on having each year as one of the host's. I am surrounded by people that can and do accept me for who and what I am. But even being in one of the most accepting and understand groups in the world, I am still alone.

I do my best to try to fit in the world but am always alone.

I am not sure if my comments are in line, but I was that way as a teenager into my 30s. It began as a teenager. I do not know why, but my stomach began grumbling in mid-morning classes. Daily. I was mortified and withdrew into myself.

That caused me to always do things like sit in the back row of classes, etc.

It was a long and difficult journey to change that. It involved Toastmasters and some time with a shrink. I wanted him to give me a magical pill that would make everything fine. He did not. He told me that I had to go events and sit in the middle of everybody. Damn, that was hard. But quickly it helped. I also learned to ask people about things of interest to them. It is amazing how speaking with individuals quickly changes a threatening group dynamic into a nonthreatening and interesting conversation between two people.

But - you have to take your reality into your own hands. You have to initiate some conversations. Just remember to try to begin with things of interest to the other person and other things will flow naturally from the situation.

I hope this has some bearing on what you are talking about.

[plix (imported)]

You are definitely not alone with your feelings of not fitting in. I think most of us here have felt to some degree that we do not fit in.

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that people are more alike than different. We do have our individual differences, but our basic needs and wishes are pretty much the same. I think if more people could see beyond their own point of view and realize how much all of us are after the same thing, the world would be a much better place.

Companionship is certainly important. For years I have desired to meet people who would understand me perfectly, who I could share my deepest self with. I'm not sure if such people exist, but it is nice to dream.

A part of me would like a romantic relationship, but I know that right now I need friendship far more than I need a relationship. Making friends has always been excruciatingly difficult for me. Others seem to know what to do to accomplish this, but I must have missed school that day. I can have conversations with others, but I can never take it beyond just a passing conversation. I guess I just don't understand how it works. Is it like when you were five years old? Do you simply ask someone, "Do you want to be my friend?" I do know it does not seem to work that way. Maybe most people I talk to already have an abundance of friends and are not as focused on such things as much as I am.

I have always thought I would prefer having one or two really close friends over a large circle of more distant friends. To me a friend is someone you can always count on, someone you can tell anything to, someone you have a bond with that you don't have with others. But even if that type of relationship is possible, it would certainly require a significant amount of time to cultivate.

I haven't given up on searching for the type of friend I am looking for, and I really hope you do not either.