Estrogen

[Hildy_ (imported)]

Having been on estrogen for a couple of months now, I wanted to post an update of how I'm doing here.

First of all, good news, my body has no problems at all with the dosage I'm taking: liver and kidney tests were all ok. This also means that I'm by now getting this prescribed by a psychiatrist, and receive my dosage through the regular channels instead of ordering it from a foreign pharmacy and hoping it's not going to kill me.

So far it's been pretty positive for me. I've (or rather, had, see below) actually liked myself for a couple of months. That's certainly a new thing. I also lost quite a bit of my obsessive behaviour regarding everything computer related (I have Asperger's syndrome, making me a born geek), which now leads me to assume that the obsessive exponent of my relationship with that was actually part of me trying to cope with a life (and hormonal balance?) that just wasn't suited to me. When I tinker with yet another useless little programming project I feel like I have control over what I'm doing, something I'm otherwise completely lacking.

Speaking of Asperger's, another little thing I notice is that I'm a bit less autistic when on estrogen.

So, had? Yeah, there's a reason for that. See, I've been noticing breast growth. Not much, maybe not even cup size AA, but enough to make a difference. Why or how my body grows breasts on only 25 μg a day is a mystery to me, but that doesn't stop it from happening. This has set up a bit of a conflict in me, since I don't want breasts but I do. On the one hand, they're awesome, on the other hand, aren't I supposed to present as a guy?

So I simply didn't replace the estrogen patch when it ran out yesterday, went right through the I-wanna-scream-at-everybody-phase today at work without actually screaming at anybody (I'm getting better at this ), and now just feel horrible. You know, like "usual", without estrogen.

I'm gonna take a shower now and maybe apply a new patch. I'm going on a road-trip tomorrow, would be a shame if I ruined my weekend. That doesn't resolve the conflict though.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

[transward (imported)]

Dr Bowers (A M2F TS person) said that many TS women never end up being sexual active. This puzzled me as my female wife is not indifferent to sex at all. And in fact almost all the women I've known are "pro" sex. The issue may well be that most M2F people do not try to balance all their hormones for natural female levels. The missing component is Testosterone in small amounts. Since they all had to go through great efforts to have their testosterone levels shut down it probably seems insane to start taking it but.... I think to experience a more accurate female life you need all the hormones in the normal female levels.

MrT

In running TS support groups, I have heard a lot of Testosterone bashing, something I could never understand. Sometimes several TS will get into a "my Testosterone levels are lower than you's, competition (a very masculine type of argument, I will note)." If I mention libido I get a blank stare. There seem to be some TSs who are more anti-male than pro-woman. The logic seems to be that Testosterone is evil, libido is a product of Testosterone. Therefore libido is evil. When these people talk about sex, (if they do talk about sex) it seems more a political act than an act of passion or desire. Many of these people probably fit well into our Jesus' MTEunuch catagory, though in their binary world view, to be not male is by definition to be female.

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