Self-Harm in Boys-Your Thoughts and/or Experiences?

[Paolo]

In regards to age for any form of genital alteration, what are your thoughts on boys who have begun the practice of genital self-harming?

Rational discussion only, please!

[tugon (imported)]

I am not sure is this qualifies. This is not exactly self-harm but something I enjoyed. When I was in Boy Scouts there came a time when many were interested in finding ways to punch others in the nuts. "Hey do you have a sleeping bag"? "Yes". Smack "I just woke it up". I for some reason enjoyed that pain and that little bit of nausea in my stomach after a good punch.

The self harm came in the form of my always being available for such abuse. I would always answer yes to the previous question. I was awakened many a time. I remember a sadness I felt when the guys lost interest in this play. I am surprised I did not sit next to someone and brag I had a sleeping bag.

Luckily this started at school and the guys who would find ways to punch me would then turn their attention to hurting my crotch. Of course there were more in school to cause me pain than in Boy Scouts. So I would act like I hated it in the interest it would inspire them further. Oh hell they outgrew doing that to me so my fun once again ended.

Of course they can not be hurt now after castration and I never had phantom pain. This is more in the vein of seeking pain from others and hoping the abuse might harm. Feel free to delete if this is not what you were wanting to read but this is my earliest time of genital harm/pain.

[Batman (imported)]

Personally, I would classify that the same as cutting oneself (arms or legs) that some people do. If I was the parent and found my kid mutilating himself/herself I'd talk to them and get them professional mental help.

[Dharkbus (imported)]

My experience is as such;

I've always tied myself up downstairs, always. Since I can remember. That was fairly benign. I use to pretend it was my parts fault for various things i did and tieing them up was like some sort of punishment.

When puberty hit things got worse. I was increadibly shy. Even now I have trouble speaking to the fairer gender, but back then even imagining talking to them gave me the willys. I always over thought, always over calculated, and underestimated myself. I also had several other self estime problems, and i began cutting myself. I would take a utility blade and cut things intomyself like I hate myself, idiot, so on and so forth, always above the sleve of a t shirt, always hidden.

when I was about 18 my mom saw it and asked who did it to me, when I told her it was myself she looked concerned but never did anything. which in I still think is the better decision. I had been to therapy a couple times by then and it didn't seem to help, because I couldn't share. I knew the therapist was going to talk to my parents at the end and I couldn't trust him. But more so the things I needed to talk about made me ashamed, and I couldn't shame myself infront of him.

They tried to medicate me for adhd, depression, and anxiety growing up, and I really think they where trying to help me. The problem was I'd take meds for a bit and then forget about them for whatever reason and I'd be back to square one.

I don't know what it adds up to but its my experiance

[erikboy (imported)]

In regards to age for any form of genital alteration, what are your thoughts on boys who have begun the practice of genital self-harming?

Rational discussion only, please!

Could you be more specific please? Genital self-harming could be done for different reasons. Because of self hatred and because of pleasure. Perhaps there are other reasons too.

What did you have in your mind?

[Paolo]

To clarify, there are two issues we can discuss:

1. What were your own experiences with this topic?

2. What do you do with a boy who harms his own genitals, perhaps even to the point of attempted self-castration/penectomy/nullification?

[IbPervert (imported)]

I would like to remind everyone of that young man used dry ice to kill his testicles! He was worried about what to tell his brother (who was arriving in a few days to live with him and his two dads)

It seems to me if someone wants something bad enough (even a young man) they will get it.

[erikboy (imported)]

To clarify, there are two issues we can discuss:

1. What were your own experiences with this topic?

2. What do you do with a boy who harms his own genitals, perhaps even to the point of attempted self-castration/penectomy/nullification?

1. I have done that. But allways tried not to cause permanent harm out of fear my behaviour will be discovered. I couldn't imagine what would happened if my parents discovered that. Probably they be very worried and all the standard routines following with psychiatrist etc. Very embarrassing.

2. Thats a good question. Hard to imagine. Probably will find some common ground by confessing him that I did that too. But what next? Try to find out the reason? Well.... I will contact Paolo

[DeaconBlues (imported)]

This thread conjures up some old memories for me. I apologize in advance for the incredibly long post here, I just have a lot to say and I am really not a good writer, so I am a wordy writer.

I would like to direct your attention to a television program I saw a few years back, I am sorry to say that I cannot remember the name of the program, so maybe it is pointless to "direct your attention" to something I cannot precisely recall. I HOPE that someone reading this will be able to recall it or retrieve it from a google search or something.

(Post script here: Sorry, maybe I should have done a little research myself... before I wrote this screed.... I'll just shuffle off here... uhhh... hmmm.... )

http://adoption.about.com/od/adoptionri ... ncases.htm

http://articles.latimes.com/1997-02-21/ ... id-polreis

The television program was about an adopted Russian boy (his adopted name was "David"), maybe three or four years old who was alleged to have killed himself by hitting his penis with his own fist, hit it so hard that he died from medical shock that night. But it seemed equally possible that his adoptive mother beat him to death, and that she made up this story of the boy hitting his own penis. She was charged for it, and convicted of manslaughter I think, she was sentenced to 8-10 years I think... DAMN! I should have recorded that damn TV program.

Maybe it was an episode of "Snapped" on Lifetime TV, they highlight the high profile cases of women who have "snapped" mentally and been convicted of serious crimes. Maybe it was "American Justice" or some other show like that, I cannot remember the particulars, I just remember that the program showed extremely compelling bits of evidence on both sides...

It seemed at first that it was a very clear case of horrible child abuse, that the adoptive mother was a sick psycho, and that she killed this poor little boy who had some behavioral problems, and she killed him in a very cruel and brutal way...

Then, they showed the Russian orphanage where the little boy was from. It was a dreadful place, infants left unattended for hours, cold, drab place with no colors, not any visual or auditory stimulation for their developing minds. This sort of apathetic neglect of a developing baby has been linked to very severe mental disorders as the child develops. There was even a child psychologist who had testified on behalf of the defense of the adoptive mother, and it turns out he had testified several other times in cases involving Russian children from this very same orphanage. Many of these Russian orphans who had been subjected to this neglect were plagued with very severe behavior problems. David's case was the most severe and "high profile," but similar bizarre behavior seemed common in these Russian orphans from this particular orphanage.

In the end, I just could not decide myself. Was the adopting mother a sick murderer? Sure seemed that way at first.... But the boy "David" had on several previous occasions hit himself in the genitals, and many of the other orphans from that horrid place had also had many very severe problems like this.

Now, to answer your two questions...

1. My own experience, I do not really feel comfortable speaking of it, but here goes. My earliest memories of becoming aware of my sex, when I was about three or four, are of total revulsion I felt looking at my own penis, I really hated it! It looked to me to be a very ugly thing and I did not like it on my body. I seriously wanted to be a girl then, I wanted NOT to have that ugly/stupid looking thing popping out of my body, I liked the smooth look that girls had and wanted that look myself. I would sneak into the bathroom while the rest of the family was watching TV, and get the box of Band-Aids, and try try try to tape that ugly thing down, I seriously though I might be able to become a girl if I could just get that ugly thing taped down... Well, after about a week of this, mother noticed that we were going through Band-Aids at a startling rate, she knew I was using them but not where I was using them, and I did not tell her. She just put the Band-Aid box out of my reach and said if I needed a Band-Aid, I would have to ask her in the future.

Eventually, that disgust I felt about my penis seemed to subside a bit. I eventually understood that it would take a lot more than taping it down to be rid of the ugly thing.

It seemed so dreadfully late on in my life when I FINALLY got to read some of the things that are characteristic of transgenderism. I only began to understood my childhood behavior when I read some of Dr. Harry Benjamin's work, on the internet. I think I must have been 38-40 years old at the time, when I saw that my childhood disgust with my genitals was a classic sign of transgenderism... and then a LOT of other things became very clear to me about myself, like why during my childhood I preferred to sit to pee in spite of my older brothers' teasing me about it, like why to this day I HATE most spectator sports...(etc. etc. etc.) DUH! Took me long enough to figure that one out!

I know, my "Band-Aid" and taping efforts are not self harm and genital mutilation, but I came damn close several times and would have if not for the pain. IF I observed genital mutilation or harm in any other child (boy or girl), I would strongly suspect that there was a transgender influence causing the behavior, though that is not the only cause I would consider.

OK, I think I have written more than enough in response to the first question.

2. What would I

do with a boy who harms his own genitals...?

Above all else, I would NOT do anything extreme, I would try to speak to the boy on the highest possible intellectual level, "talk to him like he were an adult" or at the very least let the boy know that I respected his right to have his feelings.

Most destructive behavior (i.e. "harming") is an outward manifestation of fear and or hate, and I would try to find out what it was that the boy feared or hated.

He MIGHT hate his male sexuality, but this self harming behavior could very well be caused by a bullying incident, the boy may be expressing his hatred of the bully by placing that hate on his own weakness and impotence in how he may have dealt with the bully, he may hate a teacher or have some other conflict in his life, that is causing the outward display of hatred of his own body and genitals. So, the key here is to find out what exactly it is that the boy hates or fears.

Once I knew, and the boy himself understood what it was that he hated or feared, we could address that thing. But I would make every effort to let the boy know that his feelings were valid, not perverted or wrong, that he was entitled to his feelings, but that the outward behavior of self harming (A CLEARLY SEPARATE THING) would need to change.

IF, the thing hated was the boy's sexuality, his masculinity, then I would discuss the transgender options, and let him (or more accurately her) know that there are much safer and better ways down that path.

If the hatred was from something else, and I really emphasize that self harm to genitals is not caused exclusively by transgenderism, then we would address that issue as appropriate.

[tugon (imported)]

After I began to enjoy the pain and nausea of being hit in the nuts as described in my previous post I began to hang weights from my testicles. The feeling was magnified and could last as long as I could stand it. I think knowing I might cause myself problems made it more exciting. Later a friend would enjoy picking up the weight and dropping it without notice so that surge of pain would be a shock. At the time I do not remember thinking about being without them. I only thought of how to hurt them.

Next came my interest in putting my limp penis in something small. Then I wanted to read erotic stories or pictures that would cause me to get an intense erection if it were not for the having my penis trapped. My cock would ache from the pressure. I remember thinking that enjoying the pain was normal.

Later when I began to have castration fantasies I still did not cut. I would only become excited about someone cutting me. Maybe that was a part of my victim personality.

I do not know if anyone could have helped me stop my desire to feel genital pain. Therapy might have helped but at the time I did not perceive it as a problem. Today I still am not sure exactly what triggered it. I do not miss my testicles but once in a while I miss the pain.