Update with a Question

[kantfeelStuff (imported)]

Hey, I haven't been on in a while and I felt like you would like to hear a few updates.

I have not been active on the board for almost six months and I have really missed a lot of stuff but I have been finding myself, trying to live life. I have made a lot of break throughs by myself as well as with my counselor but I still have a few questions for this community because you have always been so helpful to me as well as to each other.

So... I have been battling with who I am, where my fantasies have come from, and my sexuality my whole life. I joined a social club on campus to help me figure out a lot and it has done more for me then I could ever imagine. It has helped me realize how I am attracted to both men and women and how I act a bit more feminine then normal men do. But regardless of those huge things in my life, it helped me get lost in San Fransisco and that more then anything opened my eyes.

I got a little too drunk and went home with a man for the first time in my life. Wow, it was fun. We didn't have sex but it was a blast just being with a man in that situation. It wasn't until the next few weeks after that where I had a complete mental breakdown and started crying because I was so confused. I always knew I was attracted to both sex's but it wasn't until I tried it that it freaked me out. I have now come to accept it and embrace it.

After knowing as much as I do about myself as well as my sexuality, I realize that I use masturbation in order to control my testosterone levels, it takes a lot of time but works pretty well. I am starting to become more interested in artificial methods of testosterone control. I do enjoy getting sexually excited but the sheer amount of my sexual excitement is almost unbearable sometimes.

My question is kind of vague but I know some of you have the answer:

What would you suggest to lower my T levels slightly?

PS: if you have any questions about my experiences or battles please feel free to PM me

[Sweetpickle (imported)]

Before your palms get too hairy you might consider some chemical

castration drugs.

[bobbie (imported)]

Hey, I haven't been on in a while and I felt like you would like to hear a few updates.

I have not been active on the board for almost six months and I have really missed a lot of stuff but I have been finding myself, trying to live life. I have made a lot of break throughs by myself as well as with my counselor but I still have a few questions for this community because you have always been so helpful to me as well as to each other.

So... I have been battling with who I am, where my fantasies have come from, and my sexuality my whole life. I joined a social club on campus to help me figure out a lot and it has done more for me then I could ever imagine. It has helped me realize how I am attracted to both men and women and how I act a bit more feminine then normal men do. But regardless of those huge things in my life, it helped me get lost in San Fransisco and that more then anything opened my eyes.

I got a little too drunk and went home with a man for the first time in my life. Wow, it was fun. We didn't have sex but it was a blast just being with a man in that situation. It wasn't until the next few weeks after that where I had a complete mental breakdown and started crying because I was so confused. I always knew I was attracted to both sex's but it wasn't until I tried it that it freaked me out. I have now come to accept it and embrace it.

After knowing as much as I do about myself as well as my sexuality, I realize that I use masturbation in order to control my testosterone levels, it takes a lot of time but works pretty well. I am starting to become more interested in artificial methods of testosterone control. I do enjoy getting sexually excited but the sheer amount of my sexual excitement is almost unbearable sometimes.

My question is kind of vague but I know some of you have the answer:

What would you suggest to lower my T levels slightly?

PS: if you have any questions about my experiences or battles please feel free to PM me

Have you talked to a psychiatrist or family doctor? They may be able to give you some medication that can help your over all mood. Let them try some things. The counselor should be able to direct you the the right person.

Getting drunk and doing things that you will not normally do is common. Things can happen. You sound very confused on your self being and your sexuality. You can be bi. Many people like both sexes and is natural for them to enjoy with both.

Would suggest you have your hormone levels checked. You could have a hormonal imbalance. That can be controlled often with drugs. It could be a different hormone then testosterone.

In your case I would not try to self medicate. You could be causing things to get even worse. Doctors and councilors is your best bet.

[nullorchis (imported)]

First, you might try to realize and accept that there is nothing wrong with being straight, gay, asexual, bi-sexual. There is something wrong with abusing yourself (or someone else) in a physical or mental way. Wrongness or guilt about sexuality is something other people use to elevate themselves over us and use it to control us.

You have to accept yourself as normal for you, unless you really want you to be a different you.....then work on that.

Drugs, liquor, castration should not be used to mask other issues.

It really doesn't matter WHY you are the way you are.

You is what you is and do not be concerned about other people being judgemental of that........because no matter what you is, there will ALWAYS be people who are being judgemental of you. Everyone will never accept you no matter what you is. It's just the way inadequate people are; they are judgemental to compensate for their own personal failures and shortcomings and feelings of inadequacy. The only way they can make themselves look good is to tear other people down.

You need to find what you want to be.

If you want to be what you are, then you must work to live that life and accept it. (which may require professional help)

If you want to be something else, then work at becoming that person (which may require professional help)

[clysmaniac (imported)]

Masturbation is not really a control for your testosterone level. While it may depress your testosterone level slightly after an orgasm this is not a significant not long-lasting decrease. It is more that your body is just unable to perform again than anything caused by lowered testosterone. Chemical castration drugs do work well to lower testosterone levels but I also think you have other issues to sort out that are more significant than the level of your libido. When those are resolved, then you might want to explore it if lowering your sex drive is still an issue. But now it seems that you have to decide who you are and who you want to be rather how sexually active you might be. And frequently, significantly lowered testosterone will cause some depression which would not be a good thing for you now. Time and experience will clarify things for you.

[graylayer02 (imported)]

Nullorchis and clysmaniac are right. If you're dealing with identity issues, lowering your testosterone is EXACTLY THE WRONG THING TO DO. Masturbation, on the other hand, is completely healthy and might help you sleep better.

And if you're gay or bi...the best cure for that is a loving, supportive guy.

[george2u2 (imported)]

You have received some very good advice here.

There are of course laws about public indecency.

Please realize that SHAME, and GUILT don't do you any good. Shame and guilt are sometimes the cause of self destructive behaviors, drug abuse and alcoholism.

Bette Midler said, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!" When people were coming down on her. BE SHAMELESS!!!!!

It's YOUR LIFE! If you take our advice and it hurts you. It's you that is hurt not the person giving the advice.

Church and family can and sometimes do abuse you for being gay and /or bisexual and/or promiscuous.

You may need a PFLAG mom.

One last thing. PLEASE don't try the ex-gay, pray the gay away thing.

It has led to many suicides.

[blondboy (imported)]

I'd suggest that you not change your hormone levels right now. First, you need to learn and explore yourself. IT's great that you've realized that you're attracted to guys. I would suggest that the next thing you do is to find someone to talk to. A councilor, close friend, someone at a community organization, or something to try to help you get past your feelings of guilt over this. Tell yourself that there is NOTHING wrong with you or these actions. Eventually, explore these feelings. Don't get drunk or high. Try it when you're not under the influence. Be yourself and explore this side of you that you didn't realize that you had. Learn about yourself.

Perhaps someday you may decide to explore chemical castration drugs or other things that some people on this forum chat about or go after. But don't do it until you know yourself and have explored yourself and know that you're doing it for the right reasons. I've always thought that one of the greatest things about life was learning and the most important (and sometimes the most difficult to do) is learning about yourself. Don't miss out on that experience. While it may be scary, it is also one of the most exciting and fulfilling things that you can experience.

[SplitDik (imported)]

The problem with changing your testosterone levels now is that it will be more confusing. Hormonal changes aren't really a recommended way of dealing with orientation issues.

It doesn't sound like you actually have identity issues, but just orientation issues. Even pure homosexuals can have a very hard time coming to terms with the reality of their orientation, and some actually never do.

Your best bet is to make new friends with more open views regarding orientation. I don't mean seeking out bisexual origies, but simply mean there are lots of people who don't care at all what your orientation is and after you've been around them for a while all your inhibitions will melt and your true lifestyle will manifest itself.

[nullorchis (imported)]

Looking back on your posts kantfeelstuff, according to them you should be age 20 by now. And way back when you were 18 you were having castration fantasies and sexual orientation confusions.

Don't be dismayed that 2 years have gone by and you are still having questions and confusions. Some people are fortunate in that they don't give a damn what other people think about them and they are able to be themselves and know and accept who they are, live their lives and don't have to dwell in mind bending.

Most of us however, like you, go through many years of questioning, doubt, fear, frustration over our sexuality, sexual identity and thoughts and fantasies in that realm. It is not easy to live in a world where the majority are (or pretend) to approve of one life style and disapprove of other life styles.

And it isn't just sexual. You could be a straight aethist liberal who has your employment re-assigned to the heart of Salt Lake City. Your life style would be completely out of sync with the majority of your straight mormon conservatives. You would probably not have doubts about being an aethist or being a liberal. You would not loose sleep that the majority are different than you and question your religious and political orientations.

Depending on your own personal self confidence level you might work at trying to fit in with the majority, your peers, or not. You might avoid all interaction on the political and religious level to avoid being shunned and left out. Or you might just speak your mind and not give a damn if you don't fit in and are shunned.

Finding "people like me" may be helpful to you. Go forth and try to find people who, on the whole, believe in what you believe in and think as you think, and are as you are. The old "birds of a feather flock together" is true in nature. There is nothing wrong with diversity and integration in human society but not on every level. Few of us crave to live in a complete social void where we are around people who do not share a majority of our personal values, sexual orientation and identity being just one area; religion, politics, opinions on social values (like abortion for example which crosses lines and involves both religion and politics).

Thus, don't get stuck and hung up JUST on your sexuality. There is much more to each of us than our sexuality. You can over think it and send yourself into a funk. Maybe just focus on other areas of your life for awhile, develop other interests, put this topic on the shelf for awhile and engage in a kind of sexual sabatical (both physically and mentally) for a time. (However not completely as I do agree with others that masterbation has value - it temporarily relieves us from nature's curse on man).

Finding new friends means "exposing" who you are, what you think and in doing so means you risk being shunned. But there is no shame in being so shunned. You probably shun others because they don't "think like you". There is no harm in being a shunner or a shunee. It's all a part of the process that enables us to find the birds that are of our feather, the flock we belong in. When you feel like "odd man out", it is more likely that you are just in the wrong environment and you need a change of place, a change of people. And it might take a few years to find the right flock. Good Luck.