New Author

[Corbin_Crow (imported)]

Hello friends, I am a new member here at the forum, but long-time reader of the Archive. I've written and posted my first two short stories to the Archive (The Break-In and Weight Class). As they are my first fantasy writing efforts, I would appreciate feedback. I forgot to enter my email on the first story, but it should be there on the second. Thank you all for maintaining and contributing to such a wonderful website.

-Corbin

[jamie6369 (imported)]

Well, I for one liked both stories.

Out of the two, I think I preferred the Break-in one, I liked the idea of a bad lad getting what he deserved and future crime could be reduced by his lack of off-spring!

Weight class, was well written and the characters good. Being not particularly athletic (I wouldn't know what to do inside a gym!) I could not relate to is as easily as the other story. Nothing wrong with the story in my opinion, just not my interest area.

Thank you so much for both stories, I found them both entertaining and worth the read.

Jamie.

[bella (imported)]

I enjoyed both stories

[StefanIsMe (imported)]

Interesting stuff, always great to see something new.

Well executed and quite well edited, too.

Thanks for writing and posting your stories here!

S.

[Buzz1221 (imported)]

I found both stories to be quite good for a first effort. Interestingly, both stories dealt with recurring fantasies which I have enjoyed. Many stories here don't particularly 'push-my-buttons' in terms of the fantasy, but yours were so similar to mine I was taken-aback.

Keep writing -- that is the best way to hone your skills and explore your fantasies.

I will try to re-read the stories, as I read them quite quickly, and offer some more specific criticism if I can, but the next three weeks are quite busy for me, so I may not get back to you until after the New Year.

Good work -- and keep it up! (so to speak):dong:

[Corbin_Crow (imported)]

Thank you guys for getting back to me and your nice words.

jamie, I know too much shop talk can get boring, but I liked exploring the setting of wrestling in Weight Class. Break-In was a little more accessible from the first-person. I tried to put as much realism into the comparatively shorts stories as I could.

Stephan, I did my best to edit, but there are still a decent amount of mistakes which will plague me forever...

Buzz, I certainly agree that the stories are hit or miss with specific fantasies, I just tried to write some stories I'd be excited to find hidden away in the Archive. Good to know other people are looking for the same material.

I've submitted a third story, by the way, although I think I might take a break from writing for a bit, it uses up a lot of time.

[curious_guy (imported)]

Hello friends, I am a new member here at the forum, but long-time reader of the Archive. I've written and posted my first two short stories to the Archive (The Break-In and Weight Class). As they are my first fantasy writing efforts, I would appreciate feedback. I forgot to enter my email on the first story, but it should be there on the second. Thank you all for maintaining and contributing to such a wonderful website.

-Corbin

I just read Weight Class. It is pretty good but almost all of the paragraphs are too long and some of them are MUCH too long. I think the general rule is that paragraphs should be no more than five or six sentences.

My college English text book says a maximum of about 250 words but that is for essays and not fiction. Maybe someone who is more knowledgeable than I am can comment on the maximum recommended paragraph length for fiction.

[Corbin_Crow (imported)]

Curious_guy, while I don't think there is an actual maximum for number of sentences to a paragraph, your point is a good one. I tried to stick to the "one idea" rule for each break, but some of the sections certainly expanded quite big and it ended up hurting the flow. When I wrote them in a word processor, the longer paragraphs didn't seem as daunting, but in large text and center justification they became harder to read and follow. Definitely something I'll remember next time around. Thanks!

-Corbin

P.S. I am a fan of your work

[Slammr (imported)]

I just read Weight Class. It is pretty good but almost all of the paragraphs are too long and some of them are MUCH too long. I think the general rule is that paragraphs should be no more than five or six sentences.

My college English text book says a maximum of about 250 words but that is for essays and not fiction. Maybe someone who is more knowledgeable than I am can comment on the maximum recommended paragraph length for fiction.

I like short paragraphs; whenever there's a change in thought or direction, I start a new paragraph. Sometimes, a paragraph might be one word long.

For example:

As Coach J (the kids avoided the cumbersome "Jaworski) stood peering through the one-way mirror in his office, he realized that there were a lot of perks to being a wrestling coach here at State.

Sure, he'd been a wrestler in highschool and college, and certainly loved the sport and the chance to impart athleticism to the younger generation and all that. But let's be fair, the reason he got into wrestling in the first place was the same reason he stayed in it all these years. To him, there was nothing better than an eye-full of hot young men.

In highschool, he pondered all his options carefully: football had too many fat or overly-muscular dudes to sift through to find the perfection. Baseball required too many clothes. The tall gangly kids on the basketball team weren't of interest. Hockey is just a bunch of brutes in pads. So basically it all came down to swimming or wrestling.

Both contained perfectly-proportioned handsome young men, both required very minimal and revealing clothing, but he had to give the edge, in the end, to wrestling. Not only fit young men in tight immodest clothing, but the chance to grapple with them.

Plus, coach never had much of a lung capacity.

But this secret desire was not one he'd readily share with anyone, as when he was a kid that sort of thing could get a boy killed.

With a strict religious background and growing up in the South, he had little choice but to learn an incredible amount of self-restraint. He had himself under such control he had a wife and family to cover his story.

After all, Coach J was no fairy sissy, just a masculine heterosexual male who happened to have an acute eye for the male form.

So, I would have divided this one paragraph into eight, following no set rule but following what felt right to me. I think it's a mistake to apply set rules to writing fiction. One is trying to convey thoughts and feelings, and sometimes even grammar can get in the way. Writing fiction is art not science.

I'm not saying this is how it should have been written; it's up to each author to decide that. It's how I would have written it.

[Corbin_Crow (imported)]

I appreciate the tips slammr, that certainly makes the whole bit clearer and easier to read. I think the first thing I will do is go back and re-edit the stories for my own benefit, breaking it more in line with this logic. Thanks!

-Corbin

P.S. I am also a big fan of your work