Now it is a long time i wrote last time...
There were some major changes in my life since.
Last time i wrote, i was in Hospital. After two weeks of medical treatment and tests they decided to remove my left testicle.
Meanwihle the operation they did a biopsy of my right testicle and removed it.
Short time after the removal, i was still dizzy from the anesthesisa i had the first talk to a psychologist. He infomed me that they have recognized that I´ve done something to manipulate my testicles. He informed me that They`ve removed both testicles and that I`ve to go to a Psychatric-Clinic after my recovery time.
I`d harmed myself and to prevent any further suicidal behavior a judge decides to send me 4 weeks into the hospital. I tried to do something against my sentence but my lawyer told me that he can`t do anyithing against it....
So I`d to spend my time there...
And now i can say it was the best thing that happend to me so far.
The first two weeks I wasn`t allowed to see my familie ore just ring up someone.
Every day I had long discussions with professionals and at the start with a group of suizidals... I told them the trouth and they belived me that I´ve never wanted to kill me. I told them that i always in my life had the dream to be born as a girl.
The next group i entered was a group of transgenderd. I cried alot in this time. And the group gave me allot of power and hope for a better times in future. I started to get some mild female hormones. I started to feel better...
But I`m realistic... I decided not to live as a female full time..... I`m very tall and have strong male caracteristics.
Now I´ve the officilal dignosis of a gender-disorder... My wife likes my changes and is supportive with me... My familie had run my buisness.
I can`t achive any errection now... But it doesn`t bother me anymore! Sexually i can concentrate on my lovely wife and i feel her passion as it was mine. I love the calm feeling and I´m glad about the fact not to think about sex all the times.
I`ve a mild gynaecomastia now an i think/ hope they will gro a little bit...
I`m satisfied with my life now. I still live as a man. But gave my femenin side more space to grow. I look forward to live my life as a feminine castrated man.
Thnx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear Community I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please excuse my poor english... I hope you`ll understand what I´m trying to say
