Newest member of the Fellowship of the Ballless

[ghostautumn (imported)]

My apologies, it's been far too long since I've posted here. Life has been chaotic and confusing as I struggle to adjust to my new mental state (my physical state has stabilized and is pretty ideal). In general I'm so much happier since my surgery, and don't regret it for a second, however it has (obviously) had a profound impact on my life and forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and where I'm headed. I've been a PhD student in a gender studies program for the past two years, and at least partly as a result of the surgery I've decided I no longer want to pursue that degree or, for the time being, any other PhD. My interests were already shifting prior to the surgery so I probably would have switched programs irrespective of my castration, but the psychological aftermath has been very difficult to adjust to, as I no longer have as much motivation to work and succeed, and for a long time had difficulty even focusing enough to be able to read dry academic texts.

I've also been struggling to find an anti-depressant that will effectively treat my depression and anxiety, which had gotten worse and were no longer responding to the meds I was taking prior to the surgery. I've moved around several times since the surgery, so I expect that once I have a doctor again who knows me I should be able to get the depression and anxiety under control, and then hopefully I'll be able to start another graduate program. A lot of times I feel like I've become less intelligent since the surgery, but a lot of that, perhaps most at this point, is certainly due to depression, and also it's only been 8 and a half months since my castration so my mind is I gather still changing and recovering from androgen deprivation.

So while on the whole my experience has been very positive (I don't feel as bad about my body and I rarely even think of sex and feel no need for it, which is what I wanted), anyone considering this needs to be prepared for it to significantly alter your life in numerous ways. In my case I don't wish to take HRT, so the effects have perhaps been more pronounced than they may be for others. I'm now less driven to success (though I still want to succeed in whatever I do) and more concerned with friends, my relationship with my spouse, and just enjoying life. Generally I'd say that's a great result, but for those in high performance jobs or career tracks, be prepared that you may need to take time to step back a bit, whether permanently or not I can't say.

[eab221 (imported)]

i would love to do what you did. I am in the medical field so i can get sterile instruments, but well I am in the medical field so my biggest worry is an unforgiving psychiatrist. I don't want a psych hold on my record

[streetglide (imported)]

I've noticed mental changes even on HRT. My body has dealt with the changes well. But mentally I'm very different.

Stupid mundane boring jobs that I used to hate, I can deal with now, I seem to have more patience.

I really don't have any desire to be in any kind of relationship. I've become almost reclusive. I'm happier to stay home and mow or work the garden (yeah a garden...and I keep making it bigger!) I bought some chickens and am raising them for eggs.

My motorcycle is for sale...never thought I hear that.

I'm not depressed, just different mentally. I function sexually, but I don't seem to have any drive to prove it to anyone.

Is it possible that my subconsious mind knows that I'm a eunuch, but my conscious mind is still trying to cover it up?

I bit the bullet and told most of my friends about the accident and what actually happened. No one ran away screaming, no one shuns me, nothing changed. But I know I have! Not really for the worse, just changed.

[nullorchis (imported)]

In my case I don't wish to take HRT, so the effects have perhaps been more pronounced than they may be for others. I'm now less driven to success (though I still want to succeed in whatever I do) and more concerned with friends, my relationship with my spouse, and just enjoying life. Generally I'd say that's a great result, but for those in high performance jobs or career tracks, be prepared that you may need to take time to step back a bit, whether permanently or not I can't say.

There can be little harm in experimenting with a small amount of testosterone supplement. At least with TRT (unlike with real testes) you can regulate testosterone is going into your body and stop it at will. It might help you to feel better and stabilize without causing any sexual feelings. And of course there is no harm in being forward looking - without testosterone your body's entire hormonal balance is disrupted and increases the risk of osteporosis in the future. If you won't try a little TRT you may at least want to explore supplements that will help minimize the risk of future osteporosis.

[raymar2020 (imported)]

I've noticed mental changes even on HRT. My body has dealt with the changes well. But mentally I'm very different.

Stupid mundane boring jobs that I used to hate, I can deal with now, I seem to have more patience.

I really don't have any desire to be in any kind of relationship. I've become almost reclusive. I'm happier to stay home and mow or work the garden (yeah a garden...and I keep making it bigger!) I bought some chickens and am raising them for eggs.

My motorcycle is for sale...never thought I hear that.

I'm not depressed, just different mentally. I function sexually, but I don't seem to have any drive to prove it to anyone.

Is it possible that my subconsious mind knows that I'm a eunuch, but my conscious mind is still trying to cover it up?

I bit the bullet and told most of my friends about the accident and what actually happened. No one ran away screaming, no one shuns me, nothing changed. But I know I have! Not really for the worse, just changed.

I too have noticed some changes in me. They have been mostly positive, like that i find myself less easily angered, and accept things without the rancor that I used to feel.

Sexually, I still have desires, but they are not as driven as they once were, and orgasm is not the requirement that it once was. I won't say that I have become reclusive, but I am quite content to have solitary time, where once i felt compelled to get out and socialize.

HRT is a blessing, it keeps away the dreaded side effects of castration, and as has been said , can be controlled to minimize sexual desires if desired, so it is worthy of exploration. Even a small amount can go a long way to help with depression.

As I approach 2 years testicle free, I have no regrets about castration, and find only joy in the person that I am today.

Raymar

[graylayer02 (imported)]

My observations follow raymar's and others'. I feel more stable on HRT than with my natural nuts, unless it's a super-high dose that makes me really manic. Going without HRT was a very happy experience but I'd sleep 11 hours a night and wake up at 10 AM...not good for productivity.

[ghostautumn (imported)]

I already had a below average amount of testosterone in my body prior to castration, but I found that any amount of testosterone made me feel awful (even when I was chemically castrated I still had an unwanted sexual drive and frustration). I'm prepared to let the andropausal transition play itself out and see what I'm like in another eight or ten months. Obviously I'm concerned about osteoporosis but I really like the state I'm in right now (depression/anxiety aside), so I think I'm going to stick with supplements for now.

[Milkman (imported)]

Thanks for the honest, straight forward post and assessment of your new state of being.

[ghostautumn (imported)]

Well it's been a year since my castration. After some rough sailing with depression, within the last month or two I feel like my mental clarity has finally returned and I'm ready to re-engage with the world - minus unwanted desire. Life is good.

[Milkman (imported)]

Good for you!! It can be a difficult voyage for some. It seems that the younger guys have a more problematic transition from male to eunuch