P is for Psycho

[ibnmichael (imported)]

My life has been filled with unpleasant surprises this past year, not the least of which was the recent separation from a long time, on again, off again (think of us as a considerably more warped version of Elliot and JD from the sitcom Scrubs) girlfriend. This time, however, the enmity is of a more permanent nature.

She was always a wild girl, into BDSM, and appreciated the hobby that I and so many of the guys on here share. On many occasion she entertained my fetish with a bit of safe knifeplay fantasy. However, things took a nasty turn about a week ago, when, after thirteen years she revealed that she enjoys the thought of filmed murder. Think "Snuff" film material. When I mentioned that this might be a bit psychopathic she immediately countered that I was far from normal in my tastes.

And that brings me to my main point. What I and many others who visit or participate on this site share is a FANTASY. All I've EVER done is look at pics, read and write stories, and listen to girls spin yarns wherein my manhood (or someone else's) is done away with, sometimes with said girl pressing a butter knife or something similar against my favorite body part.

This has depressed and disturbed me more than a little, so much so that I felt it might help to share this with the community. I'm a tad upset that I've invested so much time in someone who ENJOYS murder.

[markle (imported)]

Hey ... good post. cant say i have thought of such matters as deeply and dont want to diminish your situation, (and ya know i wanna to say "but") yet i couldnt help have the need to hear "Psycho Killer" from _Talking Heads_ ...

Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa ...

run run run run away.

markle

[tugon (imported)]

Here is tugon again. Maybe it is good that my name begins with a t as in TMI. As I have mentioned before during the period of abuse I became self destructive. My abuser talked so much about my murder and many times held a gun to my head telling me tonight was my night to die. My brain did something weird with all of this and along with my sexual addiction I began to get excited about being murdered during a sexual act. I hated every minute with him but it became a fantasy with other men.

So yes I fantasized about being a star/victim in a snuff film. I never wanted to watch one because I would feel awful for the victim. I have always had more empathy for others than I do for myself. Luckily my castration helped free me form all of this.

Okay enough about me but the point I am trying to make is what may have triggered this interest for her. Was it caused by some trauma or abuse in her life. Sometimes the dark side of ourselves is created by dark events. For many it can stay a fantasy but if she feels the need to act upon the fantasy take caution. Today I can not imagine interest in such a thing but in my dark days very much a fantasy. I was lucky I never found anyone to act on my fantasises.

I guess after all that time and her understanding of your fantasies you might want to try to understand hers and at least what might have triggered it. Just my idea.

[Elizabeth (imported)]

My life has been filled with unpleasant surprises this past year, not the least of which was the recent separation from a long time, on again, off again (think of us as a considerably more warped version of Elliot and JD from the sitcom Scrubs) girlfriend. This time, however, the enmity is of a more permanent nature.

She was always a wild girl, into BDSM, and appreciated the hobby that I and so many of the guys on here share. On many occasion she entertained my fetish with a bit of safe knifeplay fantasy. However, things took a nasty turn about a week ago, when, after thirteen years she revealed that she enjoys the thought of filmed murder. Think "Snuff" film material. When I mentioned that this might be a bit psychopathic she immediately countered that I was far from normal in my tastes.

And that brings me to my main point. What I and many others who visit or participate on this site share is a FANTASY. All I've EVER done is look at pics, read and write stories, and listen to girls spin yarns wherein my manhood (or someone else's) is done away with, sometimes with said girl pressing a butter knife or something similar against my favorite body part.

This has depressed and disturbed me more than a little, so much so that I felt it might help to share this with the community. I'm a tad upset that I've invested so much time in someone who ENJOYS murder.

Wow, that seems really judgemental to me. She never said she wanted to kill someone, just that she had a fascination with seeing it. I mean, come on? This is not all that uncommon. The "Faces of Death" movies were all a huge success, even though later we found out they were faked. But the point is, at the time, people believed it was real.

People have a morbid curiosity. Why we want to see someone die is out of the curiosity. It doesn't mean she enjoys murder or wants to murder someone. Look at the success of books about serial killers? What is that all about?

In the end, if there were snuff films out there, people would want to see them. I mean there are lots of them on the internet. I have seen them. The Americans that get beheaded. The Russian soldier that gets beheaded by Chechnyans. Men getting the firing squad in Iraq. I have seen them all. But I don't want to murder anyone and I certainly don't want anyone else to murder anyone.

I think you may have over-reacted.

Elizabeth

[ibnmichael (imported)]

Here is tugon again. Maybe it is good that my name begins with a t as in TMI. As I have mentioned before during the period of abuse I became self destructive. My abuser talked so much about my murder and many times held a gun to my head telling me tonight was my night to die. My brain did something weird with all of this and along with my sexual addiction I began to get excited about being murdered during a sexual act. I hated every minute with him but it became a fantasy with other men.

So yes I fantasized about being a star/victim in a snuff film. I never wanted to watch one because I would feel awful for the victim. I have always had more empathy for others than I do for myself. Luckily my castration helped free me form all of this.

Okay enough about me but the point I am trying to make is what may have triggered this interest for her. Was it caused by some trauma or abuse in her life. Sometimes the dark side of ourselves is created by dark events. For many it can stay a fantasy but if she feels the need to act upon the fantasy take caution. Today I can not imagine interest in such a thing but in my dark days very much a fantasy. I was lucky I never found anyone to act on my fantasises.

I guess after all that time and her understanding of your fantasies you might want to try to understand hers and at least what might have triggered it. Just my idea.

She seems to have been born with it. Although I did not realize how severe the condition was. I now recognize it was there from the beginning, even in her childhood. We shared a long distance relationship and weren't around each other enough to form the kind of intimacy one would normally expect from a marriage, or a partner with whom you live. Its really too bad we weren't closer straightaway.

Let me point out some obvious differences. You are a victim. Your fantasy is the result of trauma. Your thoughts are directed toward yourself, and you, like most humans, would feel awful watching such a thing. Your condition is actually nearly the opposite of hers. She feels an abnormal lack of empathy toward others in general, and in this case, a psychopathic level of apathy, as she actually gets a thrill from seeing people murdered. She is not the object of abuse, instead she is much more like your abuser, whom, I think we can conclude with a fair amount of certainty, was, like my former associate, a nut job.

I think we can all agree that getting entertainment value from someone's death is a bit....oh, whats the word I'm looking for.......wrong. :-\

[Riverwind (imported)]

IBN, get away from her quick and don't look back.

River

[ibnmichael (imported)]

Hey ... good post. cant say i have thought of such matters as deeply and dont want to diminish your situation, (and ya know i wanna to say "but") yet i couldnt help have the need to hear "Psycho Killer" from _Talking Heads_ ...

Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa ...

run run run run away.

markle

I've done that more or less. Fortunately our breakup seemed civilized. Also fortunate is the fact that she is now almost a thousand miles away.

[ibnmichael (imported)]

Wow, that seems really judgemental to me. She never said she wanted to kill someone, just that she had a fascination with seeing it. I mean, come on? This is not all that uncommon. The "Faces of Death" movies were all a huge success, even though later we found out they were faked. But the point is, at the time, people believed it was real.

People have a morbid curiosity. Why we want to see someone die is out of the curiosity. It doesn't mean she enjoys murder or wants to murder someone. Look at the success of books about serial killers? What is that all about?

In the end, if there were snuff films out there, people would want to see them. I mean there are lots of them on the internet. I have seen them. The Americans that get beheaded. The Russian soldier that gets beheaded by Chechnyans. Men getting the firing squad in Iraq. I have seen them all. But I don't want to murder anyone and I certainly don't want anyone else to murder anyone.

I think you may have over-reacted.

Elizabeth

She didnt say she was fascinated, she said she found the idea of an actual snuff film, wherein someone is murdered at the conclusion.....erotic.......exciting. She gets physical and psychological pleasure from it. I reserve the right to remain scared.

[ibnmichael (imported)]

IBN, get away from her quick and don't look back.

River

Here, here

[twaddler (imported)]

She didnt say she was fascinated, she said she found the idea of an actual snuff film, wherein someone is murdered at the conclusion.....erotic.......exciting. She gets physical and psychological pleasure from it. I reserve the right to remain scared.

That doesn't seem so far from having fantasies about mutilating someone against their will/ or being forcibly mutilated by someone. As long as it remains fantasy, I suppose, it's all good fun, yes?

"

This has depressed and disturbed me... so much so that I felt it might help to share this with the community

"

I don't think this community is going to be a place too sympathetic with this particular issue.