Memory and enjoyment without HRT

[casey526 (imported)]

I have searched many posts on this board, but am unable to find one that answers my questions. So, here it goes...

I'm 38 years old and have been castrated for about two years. After being castrated I resumed estadiol as I'm trans (where on the gender spectrum, who knows). At the beginning of this last Summer, I decided to quit Estrogen and resolved to just live my life presenting male. I actually liked being off of no hormones. I truly feel I'm in between genders and being a "Eunuch" really resonates with me. Not being a man, yet not feeling pressure (imaginary or not) to pass as a woman. A month off hormones, I was feeling good and decided to go ahead and transition at work, presenting female, but without hormones. It felt good.

After a while, I noticed the short term memory loss and loss of interest in things I previously found enjoyable. Really, even without reading about these side effects, I was thinking to myself one day "There's really nothing enjoyable that I want to do in life." I couldn't think of one thing I wanted to do. Or, if I did, I thought it was too much trouble, no matter what it was. And I just couldn't remember the simplest things. Not to the point that people noticed, but I definitely did!

I went back on estrogen and all of a sudden, I want to go out and do things that I enjoy and my memory is back. However, the estrogen feels "wrong" to me. It's hard to explain. I definitely don't want the testosterone, but I don't want the estrogen either. So, now I'm thinking about stopping again and going No HRT.

My question is, has anyone here who is not taking hormones noticed that the short term memory loss and loss of interest in things previously found enjoyable gone away? I mean has anyone had those symptoms when they initially went off hormones (or were castrated) and noticed that nowadays their body has adapted and they feel "normal" (ie their memory is back to functioning normal and they have goals and ambitions)?

The other issue is that I'm trying to change careers and get into either Nursing or becoming a Paramedic. For those types of jobs, I need my short-term memory. So, I'm concerned, in particular about the memory loss thing. For me off hormones was like early-stage alzheimers.

Thank you in advance for all replies!!

"I couldn't resist.

Casey

[kristoff]

Without HRT I also experienced problems with short term memory. The other part, the loss of interest and ambition, is a major hallmark of depression, which is a common effect of hormone loss. If you can deal with the memory loss, an antidepressant may help. Otherwise low level HRT may be necessary.

[charlenebrown (imported)]

Hi Casey526,

i too have noticed some degradation in memory (short term only) recently, probably due to a significant reduction in testosterone. i am also on oestrogen so still feel positive, eagar to do things and have not, to my knowledge experienced any depressive effects - so far.

What i have noticd though, which has come as a bit of a surprise, is that i have become much more feminine in my thinking and what i react to. Shopping and girls topics have become hilighted for me, and my 'attitude' to life i think may be more feminine . i am much less aggressive driving, think of other male drivers as 'silly men' and all in all i mentally am , what i imagine to be, more feminine.

Is it true that estrogen really does have the effect of re-wiring the brain somewhat. If this is true, then it is certainly evident in me.

All this is quite hard to be objective about as one's (true) frame of reference is somewhat biassed, from having been genetically male for so long.

If only it were possible to be a true female for a while and compare.

Hope this makes some sort of sense.

charlene

[casey526 (imported)]

Thanks Kristoff. I forgot to mention the hot flashes, which were a pain in the rear. I have been depressed before and the loss of interest didn't seem to put me in that place mentally. I'm mainly concerned about being able to function in a high-stress, high-demand job without some kind of HRT. I appreciate the reply!

[casey526 (imported)]

Thanks for the response Charlene. I just wonder if that short-term memory loss is temporary. A couple of years, etc? The really odd thing is that off HRT, I felt more feminine. Or, at least more myself. I even told my doctor I felt more feminine and felt I looked better, smoother skin, etc. She told me hogswash, not possible. This makes me think that not being on HRT is where I should be.

I'm still wanting hear from someone who is currently not on HRT and had memory issues and lack of desire initially, which has now subsided.

Thanks for the response!

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

I am somewhat of the same opinion as kristoff. Without any HRT I have short term memory problems (as you say, mostly not noticed by others). The other signs you describe also happen to me when not on HRT. I have found that very low doses of Testosterone bring me back to a more satisfactory place without taking me back to the place where I started. I think you should give more consideration to your lack of interest in your usual activities, that is possibly the start of the sort of depression where your entire world slides into "shades of gray" with decreasing ability to function in your daily life. Hot flashes are an annoying pain in the ass. Around my house that when ever I started to say "is it..." my family would shout "no, it's not hot in here!". I have the impression that others with memory problems and not on HRT have developed strategies to deal with the problem rather than had the problem subside. --FLO--

[Riverwind (imported)]

Memory loss, I don't remember. No really I don't not more than I had before castration. Hot Flashes, OMG, they went on for years. I went into full depression and that part of my life I really have gaps as to what happened, for the last few years the depression is under control, I have a noticeable loss of energy, but I have lots of things I want to do and I do manage to get a lot of them done.

Having said all that plus what Kristoff and Flo said, I agree with them, a low dose HRT might be the answer your looking for, I have even thought of trying that myself.

River

[devi (imported)]

For whatever it's worth I have never had any HRT in my life other than taking a capsule of phytoestrogens along with a capsule of multi-vitamins and of greens beginning about a year ago. I had also done this at various other times in my life too on sporadic intervals. I have also been eating yogurt with my breakfast more regularly in the mornings too. Somehow I do think that this does give me more vigor throughout the day. Maybe I should be taking some form of estrodiol (in my case since I do have two 'X' chromosomes) but I have also been trying to eat more regularly too and not just eating at any time any place and on the run. My problem is that I have always been pretty undisciplined and haphazard in a lot of things I do including how I take care of myself. My grandmother did have osteoporosis so I should REALLY be more concerned too. I'd say just take care of yourself, be consistent with your daily routine and know that you cannot be at more than two places at once nor should you even try. Then if you have any short term memory problems they might go away. I don't know.

[_g (imported)]

Thanks for the response Charlene. I just wonder if that short-term memory loss is temporary. A couple of years, etc? The really odd thing is that off HRT, I felt more feminine. Or, at least more myself. I even told my doctor I felt more feminine and felt I looked better, smoother skin, etc. She told me hogswash, not possible. This makes me think that not being on HRT is where I should be.

I'm still wanting hear from someone who is currently not on HRT and had memory issues and lack of desire initially, which has now subsided.

Thanks for the response!

You may be taking to much estrogen. Allot of the members report that they don't do well without HRT, and they also report that the levels of HRT the doctors wish them to take, they also have problems with. So you could reduce the amount of HRT you are taking and see how you feel.

[kennath7 (imported)]

I am not on any h.r.t.

I have no problem in doing the things that I liked doing before castration

Except playing with my balls ha ha

I have noticed some short term memory problems but nothing major

Even the hot flashes are less intense