Terms for sex & gender

[JesusA (imported)]

I periodically raise the importance of language, because as a group we have little agreement on what even the most basic terms we're using mean. We can't even communicate, often, with misunderstandings in many posts, such as the recent thread on “ladyboys.”

We're all using notes from the same scales, but we're playing different tunes.

To offer a few basic groupings:

1. For some people, their bodies and minds are reasonably consonant and they are happy with the sex and gender that they were assigned at birth.

2. Some people find their bodies and their minds to be out of sync and they choose to change their body to match their mind as the other major sex and gender – some going as far as medically possible.

3. Some people are most comfortable with characteristics common to different sexes and genders and blend them into their persona.

4. Some people are most comfortable as neither major sex or gender, some choosing to modify their bodies to match their self-images.

How would you refer to each of the above and why?

What terms should we be using, and how should we define them?

[Arab Nights (imported)]

You might find it varies a lot by culture. I have been called a gringo and a kawadja (sp?). They don't bother me, but I would probably get my knickers in a twist is somebody called me the translation - whitey. Those are in cultures that give people nicknames by their physical characteristics. You can hear negro, beer belly, little face and so on all day long, but I have noticed that when I called myself a gringo or kawadja, the reaction sometimes was sort of an embarassed ha-ha. When Chile beat Nigeria in a World Cup game, the headlines the next day read, "Chilenos Leave Nigerians Pallid." Chilenos would smile about that. Had Nigeria won and the headlines read, "Nigerians Leave Chilenos Pallid," I am not sure they would have been smiling.

Anyway, just a comment of what we all know - this is a tricky minefield we are trying to maneuver through. Sometimes my opinion is that posters are not nice whatever words they use and some are respectful (almost) whatever words they use. In this sense, I would come to Yoli's support.

[Glenda_J (imported)]

Jesus,

as usual you ask penetrating questions. Going along with Arab, I will offer my comments.

The deal is that humans are born for the most part (99% of the time) male or female. That is it. You are born one way or the other. That we call “sex.”

“Gender” is a brain function and can vary all over the place. Gender entails all the things we are or want to be. I so wish I could put on the latest women’s fashions and go out in public and (as they say) “pass.” I sure do not. My wife and I took sort of a “honeymoon” right after we married. It was a cruise where men could dress as women if they wanted to. So I got all dressed up for dinner one night. As we headed for the dining room a little girl stopped me and exclaimed, “Wow SIR do you ever look cool!” My wife laughs about that to this day. No way do I pass as a woman.

In short sex is genetic. Gender is a thing that society imposes to make sure the humans reproduce for the next generation and to better organize tasks within society.

According to some of the psychological tests, I do “pass” as a woman. Apparently I seem to think like one. That is interesting because by trade, I am a Computer Engineer and they are supposed to think like men. Anyway, I am a good CE and also what I think of as a transgenderist.

Okay so a lot of gender is societal. To me, the main point is to get along in the world we live in and “get by.”

I am going to say that making drastic changes to one’s body to accommodate this thing called gender should require a lot of thought. Even with many operations, most men who desire to become women still do not really pass. Sorry, that is what we were all born with in the first place. To me, the main thing is to be happy within the framework we find ourselves. And for me, being a eunuch is neat.

Regards, Glenda

[nullorchis (imported)]

I tend to think that sex, being part of nature, exists only to make us reproduce. It is very powerful and overshadows logical thought, and it cares not about the consequences.

But as thinking people, with our roots in our DNA, some of us work to control hormonal sex and make it work as we want.

This conflict between our thinking mind and our hormones creates internal emotional conflict.

Elimination of the sex drive hormones gives us a chance to let our native DNA and conscious thought take over.

Our upbringing and culture do affect us, and those are harder to overcome than the sex drive hormones.

[tugon (imported)]

I am not a 1 but more of a 4. I call myself eunuch but I have always felt that did not encompass whom I have become. I am more than the absence of testicles and t. I tend to think of myself as having a free floating gender identity somewhere between male and female.

I will give more thought to better descriptive terms for myself. As far as someone who are content with their mental and physical gender that is so alien to me that I have no suggestions.

[Pair1981 (imported)]

Well, I am not a eunuch and a parent of an 11-year-old with her period.

It seems to me that she differentiates "gender" from "sex" (which is partially thanks to Church and CNN).

Anyway, to me:

"Gender" is the supposed-to-be psychological and physiological harmony in one person...e.g., male or female. There is "Gender Identity Disorder" wherein the harmony is not present.

"Sex" is the physiologically reproductive and emotionally connective activity which has, for ends, pleasure and procreation.

[Glenda_J (imported)]

Pair, you said,

There is "Gender Identity Disorder" wherein the harmony is not present.

You make an excellent point and hit to the core of the issue. The problem as I see it, is when this harmony is not in accord with the expectations of society. Often at this point is when the shrink comes into the picture to make the person "normal." For example, in times past young boys were often dressed in girl's clothing as a matter of course. Today, a boy who likes to wear girl's clothes is often tagged as "disordered."

To me, the way around the matter is to realize that there are things we all must do to get along in society. More than just staying out of trouble is the idea of being able to contribute and be happy doing so.

There are many alternatives to this end. I think at the foundation is the matter of self acceptance and being able to say, "Hey, I may not be like everyone else, but I am okay." This is the gist of many so-called "self help books, seminars, etc."

In other cases people have to stand up and fight for their rights. In my youth, being black was a big issue in many places. More recently is the emergence of gays. I note that the Lutheran Church just passed a measure allowing non-celibate gays to be clerics. And, by the way, will likely cause a split in the Lutheran Church similar to what happened to the Episcopalians.

I like the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

This board in particular is helping a lot of people to better accept who they are and move onwards.

Regards, Glenda

[Pair1981 (imported)]

I agree, Glenda....if not, I squirm to think what might happen to my nads...LOL...just kidding.

Anyway, you are right. People need to recognize their situations for what they are, not necessarily what eveyone else says it is. Only this way can someone truly move on from their issues into an undertanding of themselves which engenders dignity, respect and truth-in-self.